One would think that Master Oogway would choose someone who actually knew kung fu.
Crane Yeah, or at least touch his toes.
Or even see his toes.
Played by David Cross 
Kung Fu Panda (2008) · 98 quotes
Kung Fu Panda (2008) · 98 quotes
7th most-quoted character in Kung Fu Panda (2008): in 5 of its 98 quotes
Most scenes with: Master Tigress (4), Po (3), Oogway (2)
Scenes with Crane
5 scenes Crane 
(Po is making dinner for The Furious Five)
So I'm like "Fine. You may be a wolf. You may be the scariest bandit in the Fujian Province, but you're a lousy tipper!"
Crane Really? So how'd you get out of there alive?
I mean, I didn't, I didn't actually say that... but I thought it... in... in my mind. If he could read my mind he woulda been like "What?" Order up.
There's no words.
Crane No denying that.
I don't understand what Master Oogway was thinking. The poor guy's just gonna get himself killed.
Crane [mocking Po's lack of skills; sarcastically]
He is so mighty! The Dragon Warrior - fell out of the sky in a ball of fire!
When he walks, the very ground shakes.
[The Furious Five laugh, except Tigress]
One would think that Master Oogway would choose someone who actually knew kung fu.
Crane Yeah, or could be at least touch his toes.
Or even see his toes.
[The Furious Five laugh again. The camera turns to Po, having heard their insult about him.]
[Trying to get to his room without waking up the Five, Po tiptoes through the hallway, only to trip and walk into Crane's room]
Oh, hey. Hi, you're, uh...you're up.
Crane Am now.
I was just...Some day, huh? That Kung Fu stuff is hard work, right? Your biceps sore?
Crane [looks at his arms awkwardly]
Uh...I've had a long and rather disappointing day. So, yeah. I should probably get to sleep now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.
Crane OK, thanks.
It's just-Man, I'm such a big fan! You guys were totally amazing at the Battle of the Weeping River. Outnumbered 1001, but you didn't stop. And you just- [tries Kung Fu, only to accidentally kick a hole in the wall, leading to Monkey's room; Po peeks into the hole to see Monkey, who is now glaring at him] Oh, sorry about that.
Crane Uh, look, you don't belong here.
[sighs in disappointment]
I know. I know. You're right. I don't have-I just-my whole life, I've dreamed of-
Crane No, no, no. I meant you don't belong here. I mean, in this room. This is my room. [softly taps his bed with his foot] Property of Crane.
Okay. Right, right. So, yeah, you wanna get to sleep, and I'm keeping you up. We get big things tomorrow. All right. You are awesome. Last thing I wanna say. Bye-bye. [leaves, but remains outside the door]
Crane [sighs in annoyance]
.
Crane I didn't say anything.
Okay. All right. Good night. Sleep well. [closes the door and Crane puts his foot on his head] Seemed a bit awkward. [tries to get to his room despite the creaking noise; Tigress opens her doors, annoyed] Master Tigress. Didn't mean to wake you. Just, uh-
You don't belong here.
Uh, yeah, yeah, of course. This is your room.
I mean, you don't belong in the Jade Palace. You're a disgrace to Kung Fu, and if you have any respect for who we are and what we do, you will be gone by morning. [slams her doors closed]
Focus.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Read it, Po and fulfill your destiny. Read it and become the Dragon Warrior.
Whoa, it's impossible to open. Okay, come on baby, come on now. Thank you. I probably loosened it up for you, though. Okay, here goes. [starts unrolling the scroll, and once he's finished, he screams in terror, startling the Five] ... It's blank.
What?
Here, look.
No, I forbid to look upon...! [stops himself; looks at the scroll] Blank. I don't...I don't understand.
Okay. So, like, Oogway was just a crazy old turtle, after all.
No. Oogway was wiser than us all.
Oh, come on! Face it, he picked me by accident. Of course I'm not the Dragon Warrior. [sits on the floor; disappointed] Who am I kidding?
But who will stop Tai Lung?
Crane He'll destroy everything and everyone.
No. Evacuate the valley. You must protect the villagers from Tai Lung's rage.
What about you, Master?
I will fight him.
I can hold him off long enough for everyone to escape.
But, Shifu, he'll kill you.
Then I will finally have paid for my mistake. Listen to me, all of you. It is time for you to continue your journey without me. I am very proud to have been your master. [salutes Po and The Five and they salute in return]
