Dr. Robin Hatcher quotes from Hot Fuzz (2007)

Dr. Robin Hatcher

I told him several times that you shouldn't eat late at night.

PC Doris Thatcher

I don't know. Quite like a little midnight gobble. Ha ha!

****.

Simon Skinner

You see, much as I enjoyed your wild theories Sergeant, the truth is far less complex. Blower's fate was simply the result of his being... an appalling actor.

Nicholas Angel

You murdered him for that?

Simon Skinner

He murdered Bill Shakespeare.

Nicholas Angel

What? Oh.

Martin Blower was less concerned with the reputation of the village than he was with his sordid affair with Eve Draper!

Nicholas Angel

So Eve deserved to die too?

Dr. Robin Hatcher

Well, she did have a very annoying laugh.

Nicholas Angel

George Merchant?

Simon Skinner

He had an awful house.

Joyce Cooper

Now, quick announcement before we begin. Janet Barker has decided to call her boys Roger and Martin. And the christening will be a week on Saturday and we're all invited. Tom.

Thanks, Joyce. Now, you'll all be delighted to hear that the tenacious Sergeant Angel has been taken care of. Joyce will discover the Sergeant lying on the wet floor of his bathroom, having slipped and tragically broken his neck. So, with the dispatch of the Sergeant, we will now be able to concentrate on the eradication of our hoodie infestation.

Simon Skinner

Quite right.

After which, nothing will stand in our way.

Nicholas Angel

Oh, I beg to differ, Mister Weaver.

Well, well, well, I see, we have visitors.

Nicholas Angel

Sergeant Nicholas Angel. Sandford Police Service.

Simon Skinner

My, he is tenacious isn't he?

Nicholas Angel

I'm arresting you under suspicion of conspiracy to commit murder.

Oh come, come Sergeant!

Nicholas Angel

You should be ashamed! Calling yourself "a community that cares"!

Oh, but we do care Nicholas!

Joyce Cooper

It's all about the greater good!

The greater good...

Nicholas Angel

How can this be for the greater good?

The greater good...

Simon Skinner

You see, much as I enjoyed your wild theories, Sergeant, the truth is far less complex. Blower's fate was simply the result of his being... an appalling actor.

Appalling...

Nicholas Angel

You murdered him for that?

Simon Skinner

Well, he murdered Bill Shakespeare.

Nicholas Angel

What? ...Oh.

The dramatic society is an important feather in our cap.

Dr. Robin Hatcher

We couldn't let Blower jeopardize that. Not when we had two semi-professionals waiting in the wings.

Simon Skinner

Let's not forget that Greg was an extra in Straw Dogs and Sherry portrayed a cadaver in Prime Suspect.

Nicholas Angel

Yes, I know!

Martin Blower was less concerned with the reputation of the village than he was with his sordid affair with Eve Draper!

Nicholas Angel

And so Eve deserved to die too?

Dr. Robin Hatcher

Well, she did have a very annoying laugh.

Annoying...

Nicholas Angel

And George Merchant?

Simon Skinner

He had an awful house.

Awful...

We begged him in vain to make his residence more in keeping with the village's rustic aesthetic.

Nicholas Angel

And what about Tim Messenger? What was his crime?

Simon Skinner

Tim Messenger's tenure as editor of the "Sandford Citizen" has been unbearable!

Our once great paper had become riddled with tabloid journalism, not to mention persistent errors!

He listed her age as 55!

When actually I'm 53!

Nicholas Angel

What about Leslie Tiller, one of your own? Her horticultural expertise helped put Sandford on the map!

Joyce Cooper

Oh, she was ever so good.

Simon Skinner

Cousin Leslie was a terrible shame...but it seems she was set on moving away.

We couldn't have her sharing her green fingers with anyone else...

Not least those heathens at Buford Abbey!

Dr. Robin Hatcher

If we can't have her, no one can.

Nicholas Angel

How can this be for the greater good?

The greater good...

Nicholas Angel

SHUT IT! These people died for no reason! No reason whatsoever!

Inspector Frank Butterman

I wouldn't say that. [Nicholas turns to see Frank dressed in the Policeman's uniform from the office at the station and is horrified] Hello Nicholas. I was like you once. I believed in the immutable word of the law, that is until the night Mrs. Butterman was taken from me. You see, no one loved Sandford more than her. She was head of the Women's Institute, chair of the Floral Committee. When they started the Village of the Year Contest, she worked around the clock. I'd never seen such dedication. On the eve of the adjudicator's arrival, some travelers moved into Calahoon Park, and before you could say 'gypsy scum' we were knee deep in dog muck, thieving kids and crusty jugglers.

Crusty jugglers...

Inspector Frank Butterman

We lost the title, and Irene lost her mind. She drove her Datsun Cherry into Sandford Gorge. From that moment on, I swore that I would do her proud and whatever the cost, we would make Sandford great again.

Nicholas Angel

Sir, this doesn't make any sense.

Inspector Frank Butterman

The adjudicators arrive tomorrow. We had to get everything ready.

Nicholas Angel

Are you saying this is all about winning the Best Village award?

Inspector Frank Butterman

This is the Best Village, Nicholas. You've seen the people. They're happy. Contented.

Nicholas Angel

They're living in a dream world!

Inspector Frank Butterman

Sergeant Popwell thought much the same as you. I'm disappointed you can't see the bigger picture.

Nicholas Angel

Well I'm happy to disappoint you, sir! And I'm afraid you're going to have to come with me. You are all going to have to come with me.

Inspector Frank Butterman

No Nicholas, I'm afraid it is you who is going to have to come with us...