Joyce Cooper
Now, quick announcement before we begin. Janet Barker has decided to call her boys Roger and Martin. And the christening will be a week on Saturday and we're all invited. Tom.
Thanks, Joyce. Now, you'll all be delighted to hear that the tenacious Sergeant Angel has been taken care of. Joyce will discover the Sergeant lying on the wet floor of his bathroom, having slipped and tragically broken his neck. So, with the dispatch of the Sergeant, we will now be able to concentrate on the eradication of our hoodie infestation.
Simon Skinner
Quite right.
After which, nothing will stand in our way.
Nicholas Angel
Oh, I beg to differ, Mister Weaver.
Well, well, well, I see, we have visitors.
Nicholas Angel
Sergeant Nicholas Angel. Sandford Police Service.
Simon Skinner
My, he is tenacious isn't he?
Nicholas Angel
I'm arresting you under suspicion of conspiracy to commit murder.
Oh come, come Sergeant!
Nicholas Angel
You should be ashamed! Calling yourself "a community that cares"!
Oh, but we do care Nicholas!
Joyce Cooper
It's all about the greater good!
The greater good...
Nicholas Angel
How can this be for the greater good?
The greater good...
Simon Skinner
You see, much as I enjoyed your wild theories, Sergeant, the truth is far less complex. Blower's fate was simply the result of his being... an appalling actor.
Appalling...
Nicholas Angel
You murdered him for that?
Simon Skinner
Well, he murdered Bill Shakespeare.
Nicholas Angel
What? ...Oh.
The dramatic society is an important feather in our cap.
Dr. Robin Hatcher
We couldn't let Blower jeopardize that. Not when we had two semi-professionals waiting in the wings.
Simon Skinner
Let's not forget that Greg was an extra in Straw Dogs and Sherry portrayed a cadaver in Prime Suspect.
Nicholas Angel
Yes, I know!
Martin Blower was less concerned with the reputation of the village than he was with his sordid affair with Eve Draper!
Nicholas Angel
And so Eve deserved to die too?
Dr. Robin Hatcher
Well, she did have a very annoying laugh.
Annoying...
Nicholas Angel
And George Merchant?
Simon Skinner
He had an awful house.
Awful...
We begged him in vain to make his residence more in keeping with the village's rustic aesthetic.
Nicholas Angel
And what about Tim Messenger? What was his crime?
Simon Skinner
Tim Messenger's tenure as editor of the "Sandford Citizen" has been unbearable!
Our once great paper had become riddled with tabloid journalism, not to mention persistent errors!
He listed her age as 55!
When actually I'm 53!
Nicholas Angel
What about Leslie Tiller, one of your own? Her horticultural expertise helped put Sandford on the map!
Joyce Cooper
Oh, she was ever so good.
Simon Skinner
Cousin Leslie was a terrible shame...but it seems she was set on moving away.
We couldn't have her sharing her green fingers with anyone else...
Not least those heathens at Buford Abbey!
Dr. Robin Hatcher
If we can't have her, no one can.
Nicholas Angel
How can this be for the greater good?
The greater good...
Nicholas Angel
SHUT IT! These people died for no reason! No reason whatsoever!
Inspector Frank Butterman
I wouldn't say that. [Nicholas turns to see Frank dressed in the Policeman's uniform from the office at the station and is horrified] Hello Nicholas. I was like you once. I believed in the immutable word of the law, that is until the night Mrs. Butterman was taken from me. You see, no one loved Sandford more than her. She was head of the Women's Institute, chair of the Floral Committee. When they started the Village of the Year Contest, she worked around the clock. I'd never seen such dedication. On the eve of the adjudicator's arrival, some travelers moved into Calahoon Park, and before you could say 'gypsy scum' we were knee deep in dog muck, thieving kids and crusty jugglers.
Crusty jugglers...
Inspector Frank Butterman
We lost the title, and Irene lost her mind. She drove her Datsun Cherry into Sandford Gorge. From that moment on, I swore that I would do her proud and whatever the cost, we would make Sandford great again.
Nicholas Angel
Sir, this doesn't make any sense.
Inspector Frank Butterman
The adjudicators arrive tomorrow. We had to get everything ready.
Nicholas Angel
Are you saying this is all about winning the Best Village award?
Inspector Frank Butterman
This is the Best Village, Nicholas. You've seen the people. They're happy. Contented.
Nicholas Angel
They're living in a dream world!
Inspector Frank Butterman
Sergeant Popwell thought much the same as you. I'm disappointed you can't see the bigger picture.
Nicholas Angel
Well I'm happy to disappoint you, sir! And I'm afraid you're going to have to come with me. You are all going to have to come with me.
Inspector Frank Butterman
No Nicholas, I'm afraid it is you who is going to have to come with us...
