Hercules. Why does that name ring a bell?
I don't know. Um, maybe we owe him money?
Hades
James Woods · 40 quotes
Phil
31 quotes
Meg
Susan Egan · 19 quotes
Hercules
Tate Donovan · 18 quotes
Megara
14 quotes
Pain
Bobcat Goldthwait · 8 quotes
Panic
Matt Frewer · 8 quotes
The Narrator and the Muses
Charlton Heston · 7 quotes
Philoctetes
Danny DeVito · 5 quotes
Thalia
Roz Ryan · 5 quotes
Calliope
Lillias White · 4 quotes
Terpsichore
LaChanze · 4 quotes
Hermes
Paul Shaffer · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Hercules & Phil (11), Hades & Phil (8), Pain & Panic (8)
Hercules quotes
Page 2 of 7
Clio
On ev'ry "vah-se."
So, Hades, you finally made it. How are things in the underworld?
Well, they're just fine. You know, a little dark, a little gloomy. And, as always, hey, full of dead people. What are you gonna do?
You ought to slow down. You'll work yourself to death. Hah! Work yourself to death!
[At outside, Hercules brings the soul of Meg and puts it inside her body]
Wonderboy, what-- why did you—
Huh. People always do crazy things when they are in love.
[they go for a kiss, but suddenly a cloud appears under their feet, sent by Zeus, and they fly to Olympus]
Whoa! Hey, hey, hey! Whoo! [Pegasus picks him up and brings along]
Apollo [The crowd of gods welcome Hercules]
Three cheers for the mighty Hercules!
Oh, yeah! Flowers for everybody! Oh!
Hera
Hercules, we're so proud of you.
Mother.
Hah! Fine work, my boy! You've done it! You're a true hero.
Hera
You were willing to give your life to rescue this young woman.
For a true hero isn't measured by the size of his strength, but by the strength of his heart. Now, at last, my son, you can come home.
Congratulations, Wonderboy. You'll make one heck of a god.
Father, this is the moment I've always dreamed of. But... a life without Meg, even an immortal life, would be... empty. I wish to stay on Earth with her. I finally know where I belong.
[begin Song: A Star Is Born]
Oh, gonna shout it from the mountaintops A star is born! It's the time for pulling out the stops A star is born! Honey, hit us with a hallelu That kid came shining through Girl, sing the song Come blow your horn A star is born! He's a hero who can please the crowd A star is born! Come on, everybody shout out loud A star is born! Just remember in the darkest hour, Within your heart's the power For makin' you A hero too
Tall Thebian
[Phil sees the Strong Man pointing at it]
That's Phil's boy!
Just keep your eyes Upon the skies Every night, A star is right in sight, A star is burning bright, A star is born A star is born
[Closing Titles start, song continues]
Like a beacon in the cold dark night / A star is born! / Told ya everything would turn out right / A star is born! / Just when everything was all at sea / The boy made history / The bottom line Bottom line! / He sure can shine He can shine! / His rising sign is Capricorn / He knew how to / He had a clue Telling you / A star is born!
Male Chorus
Here's a hero who can please the crowd
A star is born!
Male Chorus
Come on, everybody shout out loud
A star is born! / Just remember in your darkest hour / Within your heart's the power / For making you / A hero too / (A hero too) / So don't lose hope / When you're forlorn / (No, no!) / Just keep your eyes / Upon the skies / Every night, A star is right in sight, A star is burning bright, A star is born!
[At the Temple of Zeus]
You should have been there, father! I mangled the minotaur, grappled with the Gorgon, Just like Phil told me, I analyzed the situation, controlled my strength and kicked! The crowds went wild! Thank you, thank you.
Hah! You're doin' great, son. You're doin' your old man proud.
I am glad to hear you say that, father. I've been waiting for this day a long time.
Hmm.. What day is that, son?
The day I rejoin the gods.
You've done wonderfully, you really have, my boy. You're just not there yet. You haven't proved yourself a true hero.
But father, I've beaten every single monster I've come up against. I'm-I'm the most famous person in all of Greece. I'm-- I'm an action figure!
I'm afraid being famous isn't the same as being a true hero.
What more can I do?
It's something you have to discover for yourself.
But how can I--
Look inside your heart.
Father, wait!
Mmm.
and then that, that play, that, that Oedipus thing. Man! I thought I had problems.
[Both chuckle and such, two little birds sitting near turn into Pain and Panic to speak to Meg]
Psst! Stop foolin' around!
Yeah. Get the goods, sister.
[Hercules turns back and they turn into birst and tweet innocently]
I didn't know that playing hooky could be so much fun.
Yeah. Neither did I.
Thanks, Meg.
Oh.. Don't that me just yet. Oh! [She falls into Hercules' arms]
Oops, careful.
Sorry. Weak ankles.
Oh, yeah? Well, maybe you better sit down for a while. [carries her on a bench and they sit down]
So, uh, do you have any problems with things like.. this? [She stretched her leg and holds her foot right before Hercules' face]
Uh.....
Weak ankles, I mean.
Oh. Uh, no. Not really.
Uh—
No. I'm I'm afraid I'm, uh.. fit as a fiddle. [He finally stands up from the bench]
Wonderboy, you are perfect.
Thanks. [He sends a coin jumping on a water in a fountain and it breaks the arms off the statue of Venus] Whoops.
It looks better that way. No, it really does.
You know, when I was a kid I, I would have given anything to be exactly like everybody else.
You wanted to be petty and dishonest?
Everybody's not like that.
Yes, they are.
You're not like that
How do you know what I'm like?
All I know is.. You're the most amazing person with... weak ankles I've ever met. [Meg steps back and gets pricked on an arrow of a tiny statue of Amur] Meg, when I'm with you I-I don't feel so... alone.
Sometimes it's better to be alone.
What do you mean?
Nobody can hurt you.
Meg? I would never ever hurt you.
And I don't wanna hurt you, so... let's both do ourselves a favor and.. stop this... um.. before... we--
[Their lips met for the kiss, but the moment before it happens bright light flashes into their eyes. It is Phil, on Pegasus, impersonating police helicopter]
All right! Break it up! Break it up! Party's over! I been lookin' all over this town!
Calm down, mutton man! It was all my fault.
You're already on my list, sister, so don't make it worse
[Pegasus snorts at Meg, she snorts back, turning the light off]
And as for you, ya bum, you're gonna go to the stadium and you're gonna be put through the workout of your life! Now get on the horse.
Okay, okay.
I'm sorry.
Ah, he'll get over it.
[He bends a huge tree casually and picks a flower off it, gives it to Meg and kisses her in the cheek]
Move! Move, move, move, move, move! Move! [on Pegasus] Whoo! Ya-eee! Hey, watch it, watch it! Whoo! Watch it! Keep your goo-goo eyes on the- [A branch finally hits Phil and he falls on the ground] That's it. Next time, I drive.
Ah...
[Hercules headbutts Nessus, sending him flying]
Alright! Not bad, kid! [To himself] Not exactly what I had in mind, but not bad...
[Meg sits alone and smells the flower]
Oh. what's the matter with me? You'd think a girl would learn. [singing] If there's a prize for rotten judgement. I guess I've already won that. No man is worth the aggravation. That's ancient history been there, done that!
Who d'ya think you're kidding? He's the Earth and Heaven to you. Try to keep it hidden, honey, We can see right through you
Oh, No
Girl, you can't conceal it. We know how you feel and who you're thinkin' of?
Oh-no, no chance, no way, I won't say it, no, no
You swoon, you sigh, why deny it, uh-oh?
It's too cliche, I won't say I'm in love
Shoo-doo, shoo-doo, oo-oo-oo
I thought my heart had learned its lesson. It feels so good when you start out...
Ahhh..
My head is screaming get a grip, girl. Unless you're dyin' to cry your heart, oh
You keep on denying. Who you are and how you're feelin'. Baby, we're not buyin' hon, We saw you hit the ceilin'. Face it like a grownup. When you gonna own up that you. Got Got Got it bad
Oh, no chance, no way, I won't say it, no, no
Give up, but give in, Check the grin, you're in love
This scene won't play, I won't say I'm in love
You're doing flips, read our lips. You're in love shoo-doo, shoo-doo
You're way off base, I won't say it (Muses: She won't say in love) Get off my case, I won't say it
Girl, don't be proud, it's okay, you're in love
Oh.. At least at loud. I won't say I'm in love...
Shoo-doo, shoo-doo, shoo-doo, shoo-doo Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la Haaa
Amphitryon
[Resolve to country with sheeps baaing. A carriage with a lot of hay moves along the road unnaturally fast, then we see Amphitryon and his mule sitting before it]
Hercules, slow down! Look out!
Worker 1
Hey, watch where you're goin'!
Worker 2
Sunday driver!
[enters the middle of the square and stops]
Amphitryon
Thanks, son. When old Penelope twisted her ankle back there, I thought we were done for.
Amphitryon
Uh, don't-don't-don't unload just yet. First I have to finagle with Phideas.
Okay. [drops the hay on the cart which makes Penelope fly up into the sky] Oops, sorry, Penelope.
Amphitryon
Now, Hercules, this time, please just—
I know, I know. [catches Penelope] Stay by the cart.
Amphitryon
That's my boy.
[stays until he sees a man losing balance with a big clay pot]
Demetrius
Oh, my goodness. Whoa!
Demetrius
[sighs in relief]
Why, thank you.
No problem.
Demetrius
Why, Hercules. It's you.
Let me, let me help you with that.
Demetrius
No, no, no, no, no, I got it. I'm fine, you just run along.
You sure?
Demetrius
Oh, yes. Absolutely.
Ithicles
[A frisbee falls to his feet]
Yo! Give it here! [gasps]
Hey, you need an extra guy?
Ithicles
Uh.. sorry, Herc. We already got... 5. And we want to keep it an even number.
Hey, wait a second. Five isn't an even—
Ithicles
See ya, Herc.
Teenage boy
What a geek!
Teenage boy 2
Destructo boy.
Ithicles
Maybe we should call him "Jerkules".
Teenage boys
[laughing]
Ithicles
Heads up!
I-I got it! [hits a pillar, which starts falling] Uh-oh.. Oh no!.. It's okay.. [the pillar starts falling one by one, like domino. He sees that and accidentally throws the pillar he was holding away, but it hits another standing pillar and another domino wave starts going around the square] Hey! Whoa!
Amphitryon
Son!
Hang on, Pop! Be right back!
Demetrius
[The two domino waves seem to be aiming at the shop with clay pots]
Oh my! Oh no! Don't! Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Demetrius
[The last two pillars stop above the man's head] [sighs]
Demetrius
[screaming]
Ithicles
[The town square is now destroyed]
Nice catch, Jerkules.
Amphitryon
Son-
Demetrius
This is the last straw, Amphitryon!
Woman
That boy is a menace!
Man
He's too dangerous to be around normal people!
Townsfolk
[agree]
Amphitryon
He didn't mean any harm, he's just a kid. He just can't control his strength.
Demetrius
I am warning you. You keep that-that-that... freak away from here!
Teenage boy
Freak! Yeah, go away!
Narrator
[The camera opens in on a museum hallway featuring Greek statues and vases.]
Long ago, in the faraway land of ancient Greece, there was a golden age of powerful gods and extraordinary heroes. And the greatest and strongest of all these heroes was the mighty Hercules. [A Greek vase is shown with a picture of Hercules fighting a monster lion. Vase zooms in slowly] But what is the measure of a true hero? Ah, that is what our story is-
Will you listen to him? He's makin' the story sound like some greek tragedy.
Lighten up, dude.
We'll take it from here, darling.
Narrator
You go, girl.
We are the Muses. Goddesses of the arts and proclaimers of heroes.
Heroes like Hercules!
Honey, you mean "hunk-ules". Ooh, I'd like to make some sweet music with him-
[Muses start humming]
Our story actually begins long before Hercules, many eons ago.. [scene changes colors and the Muses start walking and singing] Back when the world was new, The planet Earth was down on its luck. And everywhere gigantic brutes, Called Titans ran amok!
It was a nasty place! There was a mess wherever you stepped.
Where chaos reigned and earthquakes, and volcanoes never slept!
Woo! Say it, girlfriend!
Muses
And then along came Zeus!
He hurled his thunderbolt,
Muses
He zapped!
Locked those suckers in a vault!
Muses
They're trapped! And on his own stopped chaos in its tracks. And that's the gospel truth! The guy was too type A to just relax.
And that's the world's first dish.
Yeah, baby!
Melpomene
Zeus tamed the globe while still in his youth.
Muses
Though, honey, it may seem impossible- That's the gospel truth! On Mount Olympus life was neat and smooth as sweet vermouth. Though, honey, it may seem impossible- That's the gospel truth!
[schematic picture of Olympus zooms in and turns into a real one. While the Muses still repeat their "ah's and yeah's", camera moves up the mountain slope. While it does, the movie title, HERCULES, is shown.]
[Hercules survives the river and saves Meg]
This is... This is impossible! Y-y-you can't be alive! You'd have to be a...
Pain and Panic
A God?!
I can't believe this guy. I throw everything I've got at him and it doesn't even-- [notices Pain wearing Air-Herc sandals] What are those?
Um, I don't know. I thought they looked kinda dashing.
I got 24 hours to get rid of this bozo, or the entire scheme I've been setting up for 18 years goes up in smoke, [up in flames] ...and you... are wearing... HIS MERCHANDISE!?!?!
[suddenly the sound of slurping can be heard and Hades turns to Panic who is drinking a Hercules drink, Panic then notices that Hades is angry] [chuckles nervously]
Thirsty?
[Hades, entirely up in flames, screams; a big explosion far away and the whole stadium rumbles]
Hera
Hercules, oh...! [starts sobbing]
Nessus
(Thunder starts raging in Mount Olympus) [Hercules goes to stop Nessus the centaur from manhandling Meg] [looms over him]
Step aside, two-legs.
Keep moving, junior.
...lady. But... aren't you... a damsel in distress?
[struggling in Nessus' grip]
I'm a damsel... Ugh! I'm in distress. I can handle this. Have a nice day.
Look, it wasn't my fault, it was this wonder-boy Hercules!
[Hades freezes in shock; Pain and Panic look nervous]
Hercules... oh... why does that name ring a bell?
I dunno... maybe we owe him money?
What... was that name... again?
Hercules.
[continuing seemingly without noticing Hades]
He comes on with this big 'innocent farmboy' routine, but I could see through that in a Peloponnesian minute.
Wait a minute. Wasn't Hercules the name of that kid we were supposed to--?
Both
(They both spot Hades reaching for them)
OH, MY GODS!
Run for it!
(grabs them)
So you took care of him, huh?! Dead as a doornail. Weren't those your exact words?!
This might be a different Hercules!
Yeah, I mean Hercules is a... [Hades chokes him] very popular name nowadays!
"Remember like a few years ago - every other boy was named Jason and the girls were all named Britney?!"
I'm about to re-arrange the cosmos... and the one schlemiel... who can louse it up... is waltzing around... IN THE WOODS! [literally explodes with rage]