Phil
Two words: I. Am. Retired! [Hercules finger-counts in confusion]
More lines from Phil
10 quotes
Phil
And then there was Achilles. Now there was a guy who had it all; the build, the foot-speed. He could jab! He could take a hit! He could keep on comin'! [pause] BUT THAT MESHUGGANEH HEEL OF HIS! He barely gets nicked there once and kaboom! He's history.
Phil
One town, a million troubles. The one and only Thebes. The Big Olive itself. If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere.
Phil
Keep your toga on, pal.
Phil
Rein it in, rookie. You can get away with mistakes like those in the minor decathalons, but this is the big leagues!
Phil
Nymphs, they can't get their hands off me.
Phil
"It takes more than sinew, comes down to what's in you, you'll have to continue to gro-o-ow! Now that's more like it!..." --One Last Hope
Phil
[after being called a goat-man]
Watch it, pal.
Phil
You... I got your heel RIGHT HERE! [tackles Tall Thebian with his head, throws punches] I'll wipe that stupid grin off your face! You- [bites Tall Thebian's butt]
Phil
[after Hercules defeats the Hydra]
YA DID IT, KID! YA DID IT, YOU WON BY A LANDSLIDE!
Scenes with Phil
20 scenes
[seeing Hercules hiding from fans behind a curtain]
Let's see. What could be behind curtain number one?
Meg, when I'm with you, I-I don't feel so alone.
Sometimes it's better to be alone.
What do you mean?
Nobody can hurt you.
He's not gonna be happy when he gets outta there.
You mean if he gets out of there.
If? "If" is good.
You like making deals. Take me in Meg's place.
Oh, hmph. The son of my hated rival trapped forever in a river of death.
Going once!
Hmm? Is there a downside to this?
Going twice!
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay! You get her out. She goes, you stay.
[Hercules dives in to save Meg]
Oh, you know what slipped my mind? You'll be dead before you can get to her. That's not a problem, is it?
[Hercules survives the river and saves Meg]
This is... This is impossible! Y-y-you can't be alive! You'd have to be a...
Pain and Panic
A God?!
Is Wonderboy here for real?
Phil
What are you talkin' about? Of course he's real. Whoa! And by the way, sweet-cheeks, I'm real too.
Meg, my little flower, my little bird, my little nut Meg. What exactly happened here? I thought you were gonna persuade the River Guardian to join my team for the uprising, and now here I am, kind of River Guardian-less.
I gave it my best shot, but me made me an offer I had to refuse.
Hercules. Why does that name ring a bell?
I don't know. Um, maybe we owe him money?
So you took care of him, huh? Dead as a doornail. Weren't those your exact words?
This might be a different Hercules.
Yeah! I mean, Hercules is a very popular name nowadays!
Remember, like, a few years ago, every other boy was named Jason, and the girls were all named Brittany?!
Aren't you, a damsel in distress?
I'm a damsel. I'm in distress. I can handle this. Have a nice day.
People are... are gonna get hurt, aren't they?
Nah! I mean, it's, you know, it's a possibility. It happens 'cause, you know, it's war, but what can I tell ya. Anyway, what do you owe these people, huh?
So, Hades, you finally made it. How are things in the underworld?
Well, they're just fine. You know, a little dark, a little gloomy. And, as always, hey, full of dead people. What are you gonna do?
You ought to slow down. You'll work yourself to death. Hah! Work yourself to death!
Phil
[Phil is trying to tell Hercules the truth about Meg.]
Kid, listen to me! She's...
A dream come true?
Phil
Not exactly.
More beautiful than Aphrodite?
Phil
Aside from that.
The most wonderful...
Phil
SHE'S A FRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUD!!!!!!! SHE'S BEEN PLAYIN' YOU FOR A SAP!!
Stop kidding around, Phil.
Phil
I'm not kiddin' around!
I know you're upset about today, but that's no reason to--
Phil
Kid, you're missin' the point!
The point is I love her.
Phil
She don't love you!
You're crazy.
Phil
She's nothing but a two-timin'...
Stop it!
Phil
... no-good, lyin', schemin'...
SHUT UP!!! [Hits Phil]
Ladies! Hah. I am so sorry that I'm...
Fate 1, Fate 2, Fate 3: Late.
Fate 1
We knew you would be.
Fate 2
We know everything.
Fate 1
Past.
Fate 2
Present.
Fate 3
And future. [aside, to Panic] Indoor plumbing. It's gonna be big.
Phil
[Hercules is fighting Nessus, and losing]
Come on, kid, concentrate! USE YOUR HEAD!
Ah...
Phil
[Hercules headbutts Nessus, sending him flying]
Alright! Not bad, kid! [To himself] Not exactly what I had in mind, but not bad...
Hercules, look out! [shoves him aside, the pillar falling on top of her]
Meg! NOOOOOOO!!!!
[rushes over and begins to lift the pillar off of her, his strength suddenly returning as he holds it over his head]
What's happening?
H-hades deal is broken... (gasps in pain)He promised I wouldn't get hurt...
People always do crazy things...(groans)when they're in love.
M-Meg... I...
Meg [wryly]: Are you... always this articulate?
Phil
[Phil just explained to Hercules that Meg is a traitor]
She's a fraud! She's been playing you for a sap!
"Come on, Phil. Stop kidding around."
Phil
"I'm NOT kidding around!
I know you're upset about today, but that's no reason to--"
Phil
Kid, you're missing the point!
"Point is: I LOVE her."
Phil
"She don't love YOU!"
"You're crazy!"
Phil
"She's nothing but a two-timin'--"
STOP IT!
Phil
--no good, LYIN, SCHEMING--
[Phil crashes into a pile of weights and chains potentially on the ground; Then he looks at him, on the verge of tears, then he gets up; Hercules is shocked of what he has done]
Phil, I... I didn't mean... Oh, I'm- I'm sorry.
Phil
Okay. Okay. That's it. Won't face the truth? Fine.
"Phil, wait. Where are you going?"
Phil
"I'm hopping the first barge outta here. I'm going home.
"FINE! G-GO! I don't- I don't need you." [Starts lifting a heavy weight]
Phil
[stops and looks back]
I thought you were going to be the all-time champ. [Hercules stops lifting] Not the all-time chump. [He leaves, and Hercules looks back at Phil with guilt]
Mmm.
and then that, that play, that, that Oedipus thing. Man! I thought I had problems.
[Both chuckle and such, two little birds sitting near turn into Pain and Panic to speak to Meg]
Psst! Stop foolin' around!
Yeah. Get the goods, sister.
[Hercules turns back and they turn into birst and tweet innocently]
I didn't know that playing hooky could be so much fun.
Yeah. Neither did I.
Thanks, Meg.
Oh.. Don't that me just yet. Oh! [She falls into Hercules' arms]
Oops, careful.
Sorry. Weak ankles.
Oh, yeah? Well, maybe you better sit down for a while. [carries her on a bench and they sit down]
So, uh, do you have any problems with things like.. this? [She stretched her leg and holds her foot right before Hercules' face]
Uh.....
Weak ankles, I mean.
Oh. Uh, no. Not really.
Uh—
No. I'm I'm afraid I'm, uh.. fit as a fiddle. [He finally stands up from the bench]
Wonderboy, you are perfect.
Thanks. [He sends a coin jumping on a water in a fountain and it breaks the arms off the statue of Venus] Whoops.
It looks better that way. No, it really does.
You know, when I was a kid I, I would have given anything to be exactly like everybody else.
You wanted to be petty and dishonest?
Everybody's not like that.
Yes, they are.
You're not like that
How do you know what I'm like?
All I know is.. You're the most amazing person with... weak ankles I've ever met. [Meg steps back and gets pricked on an arrow of a tiny statue of Amur] Meg, when I'm with you I-I don't feel so... alone.
Sometimes it's better to be alone.
What do you mean?
Nobody can hurt you.
Meg? I would never ever hurt you.
And I don't wanna hurt you, so... let's both do ourselves a favor and.. stop this... um.. before... we--
Phil
[Their lips met for the kiss, but the moment before it happens bright light flashes into their eyes. It is Phil, on Pegasus, impersonating police helicopter]
All right! Break it up! Break it up! Party's over! I been lookin' all over this town!
Calm down, mutton man! It was all my fault.
Phil
You're already on my list, sister, so don't make it worse
Phil
[Pegasus snorts at Meg, she snorts back, turning the light off]
And as for you, ya bum, you're gonna go to the stadium and you're gonna be put through the workout of your life! Now get on the horse.
Okay, okay.
I'm sorry.
Ah, he'll get over it.
Phil
[He bends a huge tree casually and picks a flower off it, gives it to Meg and kisses her in the cheek]
Move! Move, move, move, move, move! Move! [on Pegasus] Whoo! Ya-eee! Hey, watch it, watch it! Whoo! Watch it! Keep your goo-goo eyes on the- [A branch finally hits Phil and he falls on the ground] That's it. Next time, I drive.
[At outside, Hercules brings the soul of Meg and puts it inside her body]
Wonderboy, what-- why did you—
Huh. People always do crazy things when they are in love.
Phil
[they go for a kiss, but suddenly a cloud appears under their feet, sent by Zeus, and they fly to Olympus]
Whoa! Hey, hey, hey! Whoo! [Pegasus picks him up and brings along]
Apollo [The crowd of gods welcome Hercules]
Three cheers for the mighty Hercules!
Oh, yeah! Flowers for everybody! Oh!
Hera
Hercules, we're so proud of you.
Mother.
Hah! Fine work, my boy! You've done it! You're a true hero.
Hera
You were willing to give your life to rescue this young woman.
For a true hero isn't measured by the size of his strength, but by the strength of his heart. Now, at last, my son, you can come home.
Congratulations, Wonderboy. You'll make one heck of a god.
Father, this is the moment I've always dreamed of. But... a life without Meg, even an immortal life, would be... empty. I wish to stay on Earth with her. I finally know where I belong.
[begin Song: A Star Is Born]
Oh, gonna shout it from the mountaintops A star is born! It's the time for pulling out the stops A star is born! Honey, hit us with a hallelu That kid came shining through Girl, sing the song Come blow your horn A star is born! He's a hero who can please the crowd A star is born! Come on, everybody shout out loud A star is born! Just remember in the darkest hour, Within your heart's the power For makin' you A hero too
Tall Thebian
[Phil sees the Strong Man pointing at it]
That's Phil's boy!
Just keep your eyes Upon the skies Every night, A star is right in sight, A star is burning bright, A star is born A star is born
[Closing Titles start, song continues]
Like a beacon in the cold dark night / A star is born! / Told ya everything would turn out right / A star is born! / Just when everything was all at sea / The boy made history / The bottom line Bottom line! / He sure can shine He can shine! / His rising sign is Capricorn / He knew how to / He had a clue Telling you / A star is born!
Male Chorus
Here's a hero who can please the crowd
A star is born!
Male Chorus
Come on, everybody shout out loud
A star is born! / Just remember in your darkest hour / Within your heart's the power / For making you / A hero too / (A hero too) / So don't lose hope / When you're forlorn / (No, no!) / Just keep your eyes / Upon the skies / Every night, A star is right in sight, A star is burning bright, A star is born!
