Simon [on the phone, leaving a message]
Babe, you're acting like I have cheated on you, and I have never cheated on you. Except for that one time, with myself, and you caught me.
Played by Ashton Kutcher 
Guess Who (2005) · 10 quotes
Guess Who (2005) · 10 quotes
Most-quoted character in Guess Who (2005): in 7 of its 10 quotes
Most scenes with: Percy (2)
That's just it, she's everything I'm not. You know, she's my other half. Without her, I'm not whole. You know the thing about meeting your other half is you're walking around, you think you're happy, you think you're whole, then you realize you ain't shit without her. Then you can't go back to being just a half because you know what it's like to be whole.
More lines from Simon
1 quote Simon Scenes with Simon
5 scenes
Theresa I was just showing Simon around the house.
Simon You have a very nice house, Mrs. Jones.
Marilyn Thank you, Simon. You can call me Marilyn.
Simon You too, Mr. Jones.
Thank you, Simon. You can call me Mr. Jones.
Simon [reeling off "black" jokes]
Why can't black people listen to country music?
Keisha Why?
Simon Because every time they say "hoedown", they think their sister got shot!
Simon [after telling a series of black jokes, family laughing]
What are three things a black guy can't get? A black eye, a fat lip and a job.
If you're going to marry one of these women, sometimes it's going to hurt like hell. And all you can do is admit that you're wrong and know that she's always right.
Simon She's right?
That's right.
Simon Always?
Right.
Simon Right?
That's right.
Simon All right, okay. What about all that talk about my dignity?
Do you love her? Do you want her? Then she's always right.
Simon [to Theresa]
I want to see your sexy body go BUMP, BUMP, BUMP!
Kimbra Did he just say bump, bump, bump?
Naomi Yes he did, and it's Percy Jones' fault!
