Cop
Pull over!
NO, it's a cardigan, but thanks for noticing!
Yeah, killer boots, man!
Lloyd
Jim Carrey · 43 quotes
Harry
Jeff Daniels · 24 quotes
Joe
Mike Starr · 4 quotes
Nicholas
Charles Rocket · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Lloyd & Harry (14), Joe & Nicholas (3), Harry & Joe (2)
Dumb and Dumber quotes
Page 1 of 4I can't believe we drove around all day, and there's not a single job in this town. There is nothing, nada, zip!
Yeah! Unless you wanna work forty hours a week!
I can't feel my hands anymore, Lloyd. T-th-they're numb!
Here, maybe you should wear these extra gloves... my hands are getting kinda sweaty!
Extra gloves? You've had...this pair...of extra gloves...this whole time?!?!
Yeah! We're in the Rockies!
I'm gonna kill you.
...What?
I'm gonna KILL YOU!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU, LLOYD!
[Harry grabs Lloyd and starts strangling him] :
EEEK! HARRY! YOUR HANDS ARE FREEZING!
Look at the buns on that.
Yeaaaah...he must work out.
What's her last name? I'll look it up.
You know, I don't really recall. Starts with an S! Let's see. Swim? Swammi? Slippy? Slappy? Swenson? Swanson?
Maybe it's on the briefcase.
Oh, yeah! It's right here.
[He reads the manufacturer's name, which is Samsonite.]
Samsonite! I was way off! I knew it started with an S, though.
Where's the booze?
I got robbed by a sweet old lady on a motorized cart. I didn't even see it comin'!
It gets worse, Lloyd. Y'know my parakeet Petey?
Yeah?
He's dead.
Oh man...I'm sorry...what happened?
His head fell off.
His head fell off?
Yeah, he was pretty old.
(sees a note on Harry and Lloyd's door)
Those rat bastards. They're rubbin' it right in our faces.
Shay Man! Andre'll have a goddamn hemorrage if we don't get that briefcase back!
They must've been followin' us for weeks.
Shay Why ya say?
"Gas Man". How the hell do they know that I got gas?
Shay They gotta be pros.
Don't worry. We're gonna get that money back. And I'll tell you somethin' else. They ain't never gettin' to Aspen. I'm gonna see to that!
[after punching the guy behind him while he is on the phone with Nicholas]
I'm sorry, Mr. Andre. You were saying?
Look, Mental. Those jokers have got a lot of money that belongs to me! I wanna know who they are and what they're doing with it!
Hey, hey, hey. I told you already, I'm on it. Alright?
Good. [Hangs up and drinks his cup]
[on the phone with Nicholas]
Yeah, it's Mental. I'm just sitting down to a nice meal with our boys.
Oh, how nice for you. Don't forget that your bread plate is on the left! Look, I can't have these guys runnin' around Aspen!
Don't worry. They ain't gonna be runnin' around nowhere after I dump a little rat poison in their Shirley Temple.
[upon hearing Petey's death]
Ohh...! That's it. I've had it with this dump! We got no food, we got no jobs, our pets' HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!
Okay, just calm down!
What the hell are we doing here, Harry?! We gotta get outta this town!
Yeah, and go where, huh? Where are we gonna go?
I'll tell you where. Someplace warm. A place where the beer flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I'm talking about a little place called Aspen.
I don't know, Lloyd, the French are assholes. Wait a minute. [gets up from his chair] Wait a minute! I know what you're up to, mister. Yeah! You just wanna go to Aspen and find that girl who lost her briefcase and you need me to drive you there, right? Am I right? Am I right? Am I right, Lloyd?
Yeah, so? Yeah! So? So I wanna go someplace where we know somebody who can plug us into the social pipeline.
No! No, no, no, no, Lloyd! No! I say we stay here, we hunt for jobs and we keep saving money for the wormstore! I don't know about you, but I am getting sick and tired of running from creditors.
You know what I'm sick and tired of, Harry? I'm sick and tired of having to eke my way through life. I'm sick and tired of being a nobody. But most of all... I'm sick and tired of having nobody.
Okay, Lloyd. Aspen it is.
You better not be fooling. [walks over to Harry and hugs him while crying]
Okay, okay. Just let it out. Have a good cry, come on. Okay, that's enough.
Excuse me, little old lady. Do you have change for a dollar?
Elderly woman
Change? No I'm sorry, I don't.
Well, can you do me a favor and watch my stuff here while I go break a dollar?
Elderly woman
Of course.
Thanks. Hey, I guess they're right. Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose. I'll be right back. Don't you go dying on me!
Funny. I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this.
I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver's full of shit, man.
I'm talkin' about a place where the beer flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I'm talkin' about a little place called Aspen.
Oh, I dunno, Lloyd, the French are assholes.
The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson, I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling, where I'd do anything to bone her.
That's a special feeling, Lloyd.
Uh, what is the Soup Du Jour?
Waitress
It's the Soup of the Day.
Mmmm. That sounds good. I'll have that.
How was your day?
Not bad, fell off the jetway again.
So you got fired again?
Yeah, they always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident, ya know.
Yeah, I lost my job too.
Man, You are one pathetic loser. No offense.
No, none taken.
[after accidentally killing Mental with rat poison]
He blamed me...those were his last words. You heard him.
Not if you count the "gurgling" sound.
So, where ya headed?
Mary Aspen
Mmm, California. Beautiful!
That's a lovely accent you have. New Jersey?"
Lady at bus stop
Austria.
Austria! Well, then. G'day mate! Let's put another shrimp on the barbie!
Lady at bus stop
Let's not.
The least you could do is level with me. What are my chances?
Mary Not good.
You mean like one out of a hundred?
Mary More like one out of a million.
So you're tellin' me there's a chance.