Scenes with Bobby Calzone
4 scenes
Bobby Calzone
[Regarding the cost of boneless chicken for the wedding]
All right, uh, listen Murph, what's up with the whole chicken thing? You gonna help us out?
MC Murph Calzone
Bobby, look... if you want somebody to sit there and yank the bones out of a hundred chickens, it's gonna run ya money.
Bobby Calzone
All right look, but, you're my--y' know, you're the best man at this wedding, Murph...
MC Murph Calzone
I'm not makin' any money on this weddin' as it is!
Bobby Calzone
[High-pitched voice cracks]
... You know, you're my brother. Can't ya jist... do a brotherly deboning, or something?
Bobby Calzone
[after Ellen slaps him after explaining what he did]
What you do that for?
Ellen Rash
[outraged]
You killed Mona Dearly!
Bobby Calzone
[chastened]
I know.
Ellen Rash
BUT WHY?!
Bobby Calzone
Because I thought I was killing Jeff!
Ellen Rash
Bobby, my dad is the chief of police!
Bobby Calzone
I know, but I wasn't gonna go through with it.
Ellen Rash
It doesn't matter; you killed someone!
Bobby Calzone
I know, but I was doing it for us. Jeff was killing the business, and Mona wasn't gonna let me out of the partnership, so - Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ellen Rash
A good idea at the time? 'Cut the grass at 6:00, lay sod at 7:00, DROWN THE DEARLYS AT 8:00'!
Ellen Rash
Yeah, but you're not even supposed to get that far, you're supposed to have that thing in your head that goes off and says, 'bad **** idea, Bobby!'
Bobby Calzone
I have that thing! I have that thing. It just didn't go off.
Ellen Rash
[pause]
Yeah, well, I'm pregnant.
Bobby Calzone
What? You're pregnant? That's great!
Ellen Rash
Uh huh! I thought so too, till a moment ago. I can't believe you killed someone!
Bobby Calzone
[she walks off]
Where ya goin?
Ellen Rash
Home!
Bobby Calzone
[quietly]
We need milk.
Bobby Calzone
[after grabbing the golf club Mona is using to damage Bobby's Yugo]
God... this is. I mean, enough's enough. All I ever wanted was a nice professional business so that Ellie and I could have a...
Jeff Dearly
[Cuts off Bobby and begins tapping his thumb and middle finger together]
Yeah, yeah, yeah... You know what this is? This is the world's smallest tambourine, and it's, and it's playing some sort of song or something.
Mona Dearly
Shut up! Shut up! That's a violin, you asshole! Give me that thing, give me that!
Other characters in Drowning Mona
