Dogma quotes

162 total quotes

Loki
Metatron
Multiple Characters
Rufus
Serendipity

View Quote Bethany: This is gonna sound really bad. I can't believe I'm even thinking this, but I think I should go with you.
Jay: What, like steady? You wanna be my girlfriend? All right, but Silent Bob gets to live with us and you pay the rent.
Bethany: No, I want to go with you to New Jersey.
Jay: Really.
Bethany: You're going to lead me somewhere.
Jay: Me, lead you? Look at me, lady! I don't even know where the Hell I am half the time!

View Quote Mass genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in, next to soccer.

View Quote You can't be anal-retentive if you don't have an anus.

View Quote It's dogmatic law. If the church says it's so, God must adhere. This thing has a papal sanction.

View Quote Metatron acts as the voice of God. Any do****ented occasion when some yahoo claims that God has spoken to them, they're speaking to me. Or they're talking to themselves.

View Quote Hey! What just happened gave me a ****ing migraine! So if you don't pipe down, I'm gonna rip your sack off like a paper towel!

View Quote How can you even be sure what incurs the Lord's wrath these days? Times change. I remember when eating meat on a Friday was supposed to be a Hell-worthy trespass.

View Quote Rufus: You know, that's just what the good people of Antioch was saying, right before they stoned my ass.
Bethany: You were martyred?
Rufus: Well, that's one way of putting it. Another way is to say I was bludgeoned to shit by big ****ing rocks.

View Quote You tell someone you're a Metatron, they stare at you blankly. You mention something out of a Charlton Heston movie and suddenly everyone is a theology scholar, may I continue uninterrupted?

View Quote Wait, you mean Silent Bob's an instrument of God?

View Quote What traditionally defines a woman falls between two things: her legs. But as you can see, [raises skirt] I lack definition!

View Quote Bethany: I see the headlines now, if there were gonna be any headlines. "Existence Erased".
Jay: Don't worry about it. We evened the score. Hand it over, Silent Bob. (Bob pulls a golf club out of his jacket) What up.
Rufus: You stole the cardinal's driver?
Jay: That's what he gets for messin' with our girlfriend. Cross-dressing ****.
Bethany: That's sort of sweet. Thanks, guys.

View Quote (Metatron teleported Bethany, Rufus, Jay and Silent Bob to a restaurant)
Jay: (Referring to his joint) ****, man, I think this shit just kicked it.
Rufus: Excuse me, weren't we just in the woods? What are we doing here now?
(Metatron sits down)
Metatron: Going out in style.
Rufus: The Voice!
Metatron: (Sarcastically) The apostle.
Jay: Now who is this mother****er?
Rufus: It's the Voice of God. Show some respect.
Jay: Oh, the Voice of God? Where's the rest of him?
Metatron: (Referring to God being kidnapped) It's funny you should mention that. We're not sure.

View Quote Remind me to try that water-to-wine thing at my next party.

View Quote Your hearts are in the right place, but your brains gotta wake up!