Dogma quotes

162 total quotes

Loki
Metatron
Multiple Characters
Rufus
Serendipity

View Quote The nature of God and the Virgin Birth--these are leaps of faith. But to believe a married couple never got down? That's just plain gullibility!

View Quote Bethany: This is gonna sound really bad. I can't believe I'm even thinking this, but I think I should go with you.
Jay: What, like steady? You wanna be my girlfriend? All right, but Silent Bob gets to live with us and you pay the rent.
Bethany: No, I want to go with you to New Jersey.
Jay: Really.
Bethany: You're going to lead me somewhere.
Jay: Me, lead you? Look at me, lady! I don't even know where the Hell I am half the time!

View Quote When a quiet little infection destroyed my uterus, where was God? When my husband decided he couldn't be with a wife who couldn't bear his children, where was God? To Hell with Him.

View Quote You can't be anal-retentive if you don't have an anus.

View Quote It's dogmatic law. If the church says it's so, God must adhere. This thing has a papal sanction.

View Quote How can you even be sure what incurs the Lord's wrath these days? Times change. I remember when eating meat on a Friday was supposed to be a Hell-worthy trespass.

View Quote Metatron acts as the voice of God. Any do****ented occasion when some yahoo claims that God has spoken to them, they're speaking to me. Or they're talking to themselves.

View Quote (Metatron teleported Bethany, Rufus, Jay and Silent Bob to a restaurant)
Jay: (Referring to his joint) ****, man, I think this shit just kicked it.
Rufus: Excuse me, weren't we just in the woods? What are we doing here now?
(Metatron sits down)
Metatron: Going out in style.
Rufus: The Voice!
Metatron: (Sarcastically) The apostle.
Jay: Now who is this mother****er?
Rufus: It's the Voice of God. Show some respect.
Jay: Oh, the Voice of God? Where's the rest of him?
Metatron: (Referring to God being kidnapped) It's funny you should mention that. We're not sure.

View Quote Bethany: I see the headlines now, if there were gonna be any headlines. "Existence Erased".
Jay: Don't worry about it. We evened the score. Hand it over, Silent Bob. (Bob pulls a golf club out of his jacket) What up.
Rufus: You stole the cardinal's driver?
Jay: That's what he gets for messin' with our girlfriend. Cross-dressing ****.
Bethany: That's sort of sweet. Thanks, guys.

View Quote Hey! What just happened gave me a ****ing migraine! So if you don't pipe down, I'm gonna rip your sack off like a paper towel!

View Quote Rufus: You know, that's just what the good people of Antioch was saying, right before they stoned my ass.
Bethany: You were martyred?
Rufus: Well, that's one way of putting it. Another way is to say I was bludgeoned to shit by big ****ing rocks.

View Quote You tell someone you're a Metatron, they stare at you blankly. You mention something out of a Charlton Heston movie and suddenly everyone is a theology scholar, may I continue uninterrupted?

View Quote Your hearts are in the right place, but your brains gotta wake up!

View Quote Death is a worry of the living. The dead, like myself, only worry about decay and necrophiliacs.

View Quote Remind me to try that water-to-wine thing at my next party.