Loki Hey, what better way to repent than by resuming the position I once denied, thanks to you?
Played by Matt Damon 
Dogma (1999) · 170 quotes
Dogma (1999) · 170 quotes
4th most-quoted character in Dogma (1999): in 32 of its 170 quotes
Most scenes with: Bartleby (15), Bethany Sloane (2), Jay (2)
Let it never be said that your anal-retentive attention to detail never yielded positive results!
More lines from Loki
16 quotes Loki Loki Last four days on Earth. If I had a dick, I'd go get laid. We can do the next best thing, let's kill people. (to terrified woman in the elevator) No, not you.
Loki I'm talking about Divine Justice here. I'm talking about raining down fire and brimstone, punishing the wicked.
Loki Mass genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in, next to soccer.
Loki The major sins never change. Besides, I can spot a commandment-breaker a mile away.
Loki No married man kisses his wife like that!
Loki Do you know what makes a human being decent? Fear. And therein lies the problem. None of you has anything left to fear anymore. You rest comfortably in seats of inscrutable power, hiding behind your false idol, far from judgment, lives shrouded in secrecy, even from each other. But not from God.
Loki Don't run! Don't run! Fakes! Fakes! All of you, fakes! Oh, and you! And one to grow on! (people are punctuated by gunshots)
Loki You have nothing to worry about. You're innocent. But you forgot to say 'God bless you' when I sneezed!
Loki I can't kill her if she hasn't done anything! You know that.
Loki He's been at it for a while now. We ran out of-of parishioners. And so he just started picking up folk off the road and dropping 'em.
Loki This is just eons of repression getting purged. If only they'd let us jerk off, you know?
Loki I love **** with the clergy.
Loki This wasn't my idea, alright?! Jesus Christ! I just wanted to go home. But him you know? He just lost it. He realized who you were and what you'd have to do, he just snapped. And the funny thing is, this guy could never even stand to see me work. He said he always felt sorry for you. Now look at him.
Loki All lines are currently down.
Loki Now, Through the Looking Glass, that poem "The walrus and the carpenter", that's an indictment of organised religion; the walrus with his girth and good nature, obviously represents either Buddha, or, with his tusks, the Hindu elephant god, Lord Ganesha-- that takes care of your eastern religions. Now, the carpenter, which is an obvious reference to Jesus Christ, who was raised a carpenter's son, he represents the western religions. Now, in the poem what do they do? What do they do? They dupe all these oysters into following them, and then proceed to shuck and devour the helpless creatures en mass?. Now, I don't know what that says to you, but, to me it says, that following these faiths based on mythological figures ensures the destruction of one's inner being. Organised religion destroys who we are by inhibiting our actions, by inhibiting our decisions, out of fear of some intangible parent figure, who shakes a finger at us from thousands of years ago and says "Do it, do it and I'll **** spank you!"
Scenes with Loki
15 scenes
Nun Let me get this straight. You don't believe in God because of "Alice in Wonderland"?
Loki No, "Through the Looking-Glass". That poem, "The Walrus and the Carpenter"? That's an indictment of organized religion. The Walrus, with his girth and good nature, obviously represents either Buddha or, with his tusks, the Hindu elephant-god Lord Ganesha. That takes care of your Eastern religions. Now, the Carpenter, which is an obvious reference to Jesus Christ, who was raised as a carpenter's son, he represents the Western religions. Now, in the poem, what do they do? What do they do? They dupe all these oysters into following them and then proceed to shuck and devour the helpless creatures en masse. I don't know what that says to you, but to me it says that following these faiths based on mythological figures insures the destruction of one's inner being. Organized religion destroys who we are by inhibiting our actions, by inhibiting our decisions, out-out of fear of some intangible parent figure who shakes a finger at us from thousands of years ago and says, "Do it, do it and I'll **** spank you!"
Nun The way you put it, I've never really thought about it like that before. What have I been doing with my life? What am I--?
Loki Yeah, I know. Listen, my advice to you: you take that money you've been collecting for your parish and go get yourself a nice dress. You know? Fix yourself up. Find some man, find some woman, that you can connect with, even for a moment. 'Cause that's really all that life is, Sister. A series of moments. Why don't you seize yours? (the nun smiles, nods, and exits.) That a girl. That a girl.
You know, here's what I don't get about you. You know for a fact that there is a God. You've been in His presence. He's spoken to you personally. Yet I just heard you claim to be an atheist.
Loki I just like **** with the clergy, man. I just love it. I love to keep those guys on their toes. Here's what I don't get about you. Why do you feel the need to come to this place all the time?
My friend, because this is humanity at its best. Look at them. All that anger, all that mistrust, all that unhappiness... forgotten for that one perfect moment when they get off the plane. See those two? What the guy doesn't know is that the girl cheated on him while she was away.
Loki She did?
Twice.
Loki Nice.
But it doesn't matter right now, 'cause they're both just so relieved to be with one another. I like that. I wish they could all feel that way more often.
Loki This is why I had to come down here this morning? This is why I had to miss my **** cartoons? You call me and tell me it's important so I can share in your half-ass obsession with a Hallmark moment?
We're going home. (holds out a newspaper article) Somebody sent us this in the mail. (he pauses; Loki just gawks at him) Take it, man. And quit leering at me. People are gonna think I just broke up with you or something.
Loki You did just say we're going home, right?
Read.
Loki "Cardinal Glick cuts ribbon on Catholicism, Wow! campaign." And?
You have to keep reading.
Loki Now, wait, so all I gotta do, I walk through the arch thing and then I can go back home?
No. By walking through the archway, all your sins are forgiven. Then all we have to do is die.
Loki Die?! I don't wanna die!
What, you'd rather hang around here for a few more eons?
Loki No... we don't even know if we can die. All right, but what if we can and then, and then the arch thing doesn't work? What then, Hell? **** that.
It's impossible--
Loki **** that!
If we cut off our wings and trans-substantiate to complete human form, we become mortal. If we die with clean souls, there's no way they can keep us out. We won't be angels anymore, but at least we can go back home.
Loki Oh, there's just one thing I think we need to do before we leave. This is gonna help us get back on His good side.
What?
Loki Here. I've been dreaming about this for five years. (he hands over a page from a magazine) Read that.
Bartleby (reading): "Mooby the Golden Calf: creating an empire out of simplicity."
Loki I wanna hit 'em.
You really are just a simple creature. We finally get a way back in and you wanna jeopardize that 'cause you've got a soft spot for the good old days.
Loki Hey, what better way to repent than by resuming the position I once denied, thanks to you?
I really don't think a killing spree is gonna make things better for us!
Loki "Killing spree"? I'm talking about Divine Justice here. I'm talking about raining down fire and brimstone, punishing the wicked. He's all about that. I know He'd want this done!
There hasn't been an Angel of Death since you quit. Doesn't that mean anything to you? And besides, what if you're wrong, like you always are?
Loki If I'm wrong, which I'm not, it's not gonna matter. We're gonna pass through your arch thing anyway. We're gonna be forgiven. No harm, no foul.
Loki Where's this church we have to go to?
New Jersey. Re-dedication ceremony is in four days.
Loki (elevator door opens and the ex-angelic pair enter.)
Last four days on earth. If I had a dick, I'd go get laid. But we can do the next best thing.
What's that?
Loki Let's kill people.
Loki (a woman standing between them sputters, coughs, and spits coffee.)
Oh, not you!
Gun Store Clerk
(Loki is shopping for guns.)
We call this one the Fecalator. One look at it and the target shits him or herself.
Loki It's a lot more compact than the flaming sword, but it's not nearly as impressive. It doesn't have that Wrath-of-the-Almighty edge to it. How am I supposed to strike fear into the hearts of the wicked with this thing? Look at this.
Well, then, you know, don't use a gun. Lay the place to waste, like.
Loki Easy for you to say. You get off light in a razing. You got to stand there and read at Sodom and Gomorrah. I had to do all the work.
What work did you do? You lit a few fires.
Loki I rained down sulfur, man. There's a subtle difference.
Yeah, I'm sure.
Loki Hey, you know, **** you, man. Any moron with a pack of matches can start a fire. Raining down sulfur, that's like an endurance trial. Mass genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in, next to soccer.
Loki (Bartleby has doubts about Loki's ability to "spot a commandment-breaker".)
I can spot a commandment breaker from a mile away, bet on it.
This coming from the guy who still owes me ten bucks over which would be the bigger movie: E.T. or Krush Groove?"
Loki Hey you know what, **** you man, because time will tell on that. What, are you insinuating that I don't have what it takes anymore?
Insinuating? No. Flat-out telling you.
You are responsible for raising an icon which draws worship from the Lord. You have broken the first commandment. Not only that, I'm afraid not a one of you passes for a decent human being. Your continued existence is a mockery of morality. Like you, Mr. Burton. Last year cheated on your wife of 17 years 8 times. You even had sex with her best friend while you were supposed to be home watching the kids.
Loki In the bed that you and your wife share, no less.
Mr. Newman - you got your girlfriend drunk at last year's Christmas party and then paid a kid from the mail room to have sex with her while she was passed out, just so you could break up with her guilt-free when she sobbingly confessed in the morning. She killed herself two months later. Mr. Brace disowned his gay son. Very compassionate, Mr. Brace. Mr. Ray put his mother in a third-rate nursing home and then used the profits from the sale of her home to buy an oriental rug for himself. Heavens. Mr. Barker flew to Thailand on the company account to have sex with an eleven year old boy. Mr. Holtzman okayed the production of Mooby Dolls from materials he knew to be toxic and unsafe, because it was - survey says? - less costly.
[sees the female board member]
You, on the other hand, are an innocent. You lead a good life. Good for you! [Thumbs-up] But you, Mr. Whitland, you have more skeletons in your closet than the rest of this assembled party. I cannot even mention them aloud.
Loki [whispers something in Whitland's ear]
You're his father, you sick ****!
[Whitland starts crying]
(Loki, having just gunned down the corrupt board members at Mooby corporate HQ, helps the blood-spattered sole survivor to her feet and offers her a stick of gum.)
Loki Gum? Go on, it's okay. You've done nothing wrong. Those other guys were finks. You're a pure soul. But you didn't say "God bless you" when I sneezed! (he brandishes his gun in her face)
Miss Pryce
Aaagh! (she covers her head.)
Bartleby, (from outside boardroom): Loki!
Loki, (to Ms. Pryce): You're getting off light!
Loki!
Loki I know, I'm coming. (muttering) You're so lucky.
(Bartleby and Loki have missed the last bus to New Jersey.)
Nice. Your hard-on for smiting has prevented us from negotiating what ought to be the relatively simple matter of catching or staying on a bus.
Loki Oh, bus, schmuss. Anyway, w-why should we fall victim to gravity when we can just as easily rise above?
You mean fly?
Loki We got wings, right? ****, let's use 'em!
I wouldn't suggest that. You see, kids, you wouldn't want to look like a couple of fairies, now would you?
Well, look at this pimp. How'd you get outta Hell?
I told them I was coming up on a routine possession. Look, I don't have long; if they figure out my ruse, they'll come looking for me.
Loki Hey, what's with bringing us in here?
You two ****s are inches away from getting caught! Going around killing people, about to un-case your wings? Don't you have any idea what's going on?
Well, we're going home.
Oh, really? Are you so clueless as to think that you can just waltz back into Heaven?
Why not?
Everybody is looking for you. Both sides, above and below. Orders are to terminate you on sight.
Loki Really?
Why?
Because you're pissing people off, that's why! Word on the grapevine is that God's pissed off at your presumption, and I know Lucifer's pissed because you assholes might make him look bad by succeeding where he's failed so many times.
So they're just gonna kill us?
They're gonna try! That's why you have to travel incognito. Tone down your behavior, stay off their respective radars. [to Loki] Quit killing people. That's high-profile.
Loki Oh, lighten up!
I still can't believe they wanna kill us.
Oh, believe it, boys. They've even got the last scion looking for you.
Loki Really?
You're kidding me.
This is huge, man. Your re-entry is a thorn in a lot of sides. And they'll stop at nothing—-I mean nothing--to prevent it. In the meantime, I suggest that you find an alternate mode of transportation. If anything else comes up, I'll contact you.
Look, I've gotta get back to the pit before they get suspicious. Remember, incognito.
(After a lot of drinks, Bethany has revealed her "mission") (Rufus walks into the car.) (still groggy from his nap)
Where the hell is everybody? I doze of an-- (he sees Bartleby)
The Apostle!
Holy shit!
Rufus, I'd like you to meet my new friend Barry.
(Bartleby smashes a beer bottle and holds it up to Bethany's neck.)
Oh! (laughs) Don't be such a show off, Barry.
Take it easy, Bartleby. Just let her go, and we can talk about this.
Bartleby?!
So Rufus, this is what it comes down to; slaughter by a meat-puppet.
Get your **** hands off me, you dick-less son-of-a-bitch!
Save it, lady. A minute ago you were aching to top me off. Loki!
Loki Oh shit, the Apostle!
Loki [to Rufus]
Hey man, what are you doing here?
She just told me that she was on a mission to New Jersey to stop two angels.
Loki Hey, you think they're talking about us?
No, two other **** angels! Yeah, it's a pretty good chance! Whaddya say Rufus, you wanna be liquidated?!
You haven't thought about the consequences of your re-entry!
Loki Consequences, schmonsequences!
Guess what, we're goin' home, no matter whose pride it may offend.
It's not a matter of pride, stupid!
Loki, kill the girl.
Loki What are you, high? I can't kill her if she hasn't done anything, you know that.
Then guess what, I'll kill her.
What the ****'s going on? I fall asleep and everyone moves, these guys are **** flat leavers.
Loki, shut his mouth.
Loki (Bartleby and Loki regroup after encountering Bethany, Rufus, and the "prophets" on a train.)
The apostle is here!
I noticed!
Loki Well, then you know who the chick with him was, don't you?
The last Scion, I imagine!
Loki Shit, man, look, maybe we should rethink this whole thing. I mean, I mean you heard the guy — he said there are "consequences"? And Azrael tells us we're marked? Look, man, there is more to this than we thought about.
I was close, you know? I was so close to slitting that bitch's throat.
Loki Whoa.
You know how I felt? Righteous. Justified. Eager, even.
Loki Are you all right, man? Your eyes are kind of--
My eyes are open. For the first time, I get it. When that little innocent girl let her mission slip, I had an epiphany. See, in the beginning, it was just us and Him--angels and God. Then, He created humans. Ours was designed to be a life of servitude and worship and bowing and scraping and adoration. He gave them more than He ever gave us. He gave them a choice. They choose to acknowledge God, or choose to ignore Him. All this time we've been down here, I've felt the absence of the Divine Presence, and it's pained me, as I'm sure it must have pained you. And why? Because of the way He made us! Had we been given free will, we could choose to ignore the pain, like they do. But no! We're servants!
Loki Okay. You know, all I'm saying here is that one of us might need a little nap.
Wake up! These humans have besmirched everything He's bestowed upon them. They were given paradise, they threw it away. They were given this planet, they destroyed it. They were favored best among all His endeavors, and some of them don't even believe He exists! And in spite of it all, He has shown them infinite **** patience at every turn. What about us? I asked you, once, to lay down the sword because I felt sorry for them. What was the result? Our expulsion from Paradise. Where was His infinite **** patience then?! It's not right! It's not fair! We've paid our debt. Don't you think it's time? Don't you think it's time we went home? (a pause) And to do that, I--I think we might have to dispatch our would-be dispatchers.
Loki Wait. Wait-wait. Kill them? You're talking about the last scion, for Christ's sake. And what about Jay and Bob? I mean, those guys were all right.
Don't. See, don't let your sympathies get the best of you, they did me once. Scion or not, she's still just a human, and by passing through that arch, our sins are forgiven, no harm, no foul.
Loki My God... I've heard a rant like this before.
What did you say?
Loki I said I've heard a rant like this before.
Don't you **** do that to me!
Loki You sound like the Morningstar.
You shut your **** mouth!
Loki You do! You sound like Lucifer, man! You've **** lost it! You're not talking about going home, Bartleby, you're talking about **** war on God! Well, **** that! I have seen what happens to the proud when they take on the Throne! I'm going back to Wisconsin.
(Loki tries to leave; Bartleby catches him by the lapels and slams him into a pillar.)
We're going home, Loki. And no one, not you, not even the Almighty Himself, is gonna make that otherwise.
Now, let me tell you a little bit of history about this particular hundred-years-young house of God.
Bartleby (emerging from crowd): God's house? God doesn't live here anymore! He's grown weary of your superficial faith. He's turned a deaf ear to your lip-service prayers. He has abandoned you, His favorites, to the whim of judgment. Hypocrites, charlatans, prepare to taste God's wrath!
Loki Maybe we should just leave.
You wanted your body count, you got it. This crowd is rife with sin. We'll judge them all.
Officer McGhee?
Officer McGhee
All right, mouthpiece, let's leave the nice Cardinal alone and go for a ride.
Mister McGhee, don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
Officer McGhee
Is that so?
(Bartleby snaps McGhee's neck with one hand; the crowd screams and starts to scatter.)
Ladies and gentlemen, you have been judged guilty of violations against our Almighty God. And this very day, I assure you, you will pay for your trespasses, in blood! (to Loki) Wings. Now.
Loki I'm feeling a little exposed, here.
Do it!
[Bethany and her group have arrived at the church]
Oh my God. [she places her face on Rufus's shoulder]
[The camera pans to show the slaughter of all the people at the church]
And people wonder why I don't go to church anymore.
Are we too late?
To save these poor shmogs? [pause] Yeah, but we still exist.
Where are they?
They could already be in the church.
Which means if they come out, nobody touches them.
Are you **** kidding me? Homeboy right here's gonna hit 'em with his "Angel, be good" spell, ain'tcha, homie? [looks at Rufus and he rolls his eyes]
If they go in that archway, they come out clean, and if they die, they go straight up, and hello? [knocks on Jay's head] We know what happens then, right?
Why don't they just kill themselves?
It's a mortal sin; you die with a mortal sin on your soul and you burn. They're not tryin' to get to hell.
Then what the **** are supposed to do? Just wait for a solution to fall outta the ****in' sky? [right then, a body falls out of the sky in front of them, his head exploding on impact and they glance in shock] Friend of yours?
Loki No, that was a cardinal. [the camera goes to him holding a wine bottle and his wings cut off] You can't tell from his face but the rosaries are a dead giveaway.
It's one of them; kill that mother****er! [he preps the machine gun taken from Azrael, but Bethany and Silent Bob knock it out of his hands]
No! Don't you understand; we can't touch him!
I wasn't gonna touch him; I was gonna shoot his ass!
Loki [looking up]
Yeah, he's been at it for a while. [everyone else looks up to see Bartleby with a bystander in his hands] We-we ran outta parishioners, and so we just started pickin' folk up off the road and just droppin' 'em. This is just eons of repression getting purged. If only He let us just jerk off, y'know? [everybody looks at him with disgust] Oh-j-just take a-take a step back. [the bystander that Bartleby had lands right in front of them and Bethany shrieks then runs toward Loki while the others try to hold her back]
N-let me go! [to Loki while pushing him] Why?! What are you trying to prove?! All those people!!
Loki Hey, this wasn't my idea, all right?! [he pushes her out of the way, then Jay and Bob try to attack him, but Rufus holds them back] Jesus Christ! I just wanted to go home, with him [Bartleby], y'know? But he just lost it! He figured out who you were and what you were gonna have to do; he-h-h-he just snapped! And the funny thing is this guy couldn't stand to see me work! He-h-h-he said he felt sorry for you people. ... Now look at him.
This guy's ****in' drunker than hell!
Which means he's human now. His wings have been cut off. [she drops his severed wing and approaches him] Loki...Loki...
Loki [realizing who she is]
The muse?! Oh, no way! How long's it be--you look terrific, whoa! Hey, what's with the tits; can I--?
Have you gone through the archway? [Bob helps Bethany up and she asks him again] Tell me, have you gone in and out of the archway yet?!
Loki Uup, he's back. [Loki then walks away]
[Everybody then looks up at him while he descends from the sky and finally lands in front of the church archway.]
We were awaiting your arrival.
Bartleby, look, listen to me; Azrael was just using you! If you go through--[Bartleby then slaps her down to the ground]
I've become aware of the repercussions, muse. I know what I'm doing.
[grabbing Bethany and holding his knife to her neck]
Bethany. [Jay and Bob try to go for him, but Rufus holds them back] You of all people should know what I'm trying to accomplish here. You too know what it's like to be cast aside. You've dealt with the pain for a few years. I've dealt with it for a millenia. So, even though you can't see your ex-husband, or how blissful he is with his new wife--[pause] --and he is, [Jay and Bob again try to go for him with Rufus holding them back] I've seen you people everyday being a constant reminder that though, my kind came first, your kind was most revered. And while you know forgiveness, we only know regret. [turning her around to face him] The lesson must be taught. All are accountable, even God! [he pushes her to Jay, Bob and Rufus] Soon, a cadre of police will be here to execute us while we exit the church, and then this failed experiment called "existence" will cease to be.
