Sheldon Mopes/Smoochy When my brothers and I played cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker.
Tied for most-quoted character in Death to Smoochy (2002): in 20 of its 48 quotes
Most scenes with: Nora (2)
He slams the door, He stomps his feet, He sends me to bed with zilch to eat. But my step-dad's not mean, he's just adjusting.
More lines from Sheldon Mopes/Smoochy
13 quotes Sheldon Mopes/Smoochy Sheldon Mopes/Smoochy Captain Kangaroo, like Jesus Christ, was someone you could really believe in. With those guys, it wasn't about the bells and whistles and the rickety-rackety; it was all about the work. Especially Jesus.
Sheldon Mopes/Smoochy Now I'm not pointing any fingers, Lord knows you start pointing fingers and someone's gonna get poked. And I want you both to know that its not my intention to try and...poke either of you.
Sheldon Mopes/Smoochy You can't change the world but you can make a dent.
Sheldon Mopes/Smoochy Someone toss me a beach towel because my head is swimming.
Sheldon Mopes/Smoochy Don't talk to me like that. I am not your puppet.
Sheldon Mopes/Smoochy Let's face it. Big junkies come from little junkies. We gotta nip this in the bud, Burke!
Sheldon Mopes/Smoochy There are a lot of kids and a lot of junkies out there who are counting on me.
Sheldon Mopes/Smoochy [singing]
Where can you go when skies turn grey? Where the sun always shines and the animals play? Where every day is a happy day? Well, Smoochy's here to show the way!
Sheldon Mopes/Smoochy Wasn't that fun in an Awkward Way?
Sheldon Mopes/Smoochy BURKE!!!
Sheldon Mopes/Smoochy BURKE! BURKE, GET BACK HERE!!!
Sheldon Mopes/Smoochy You just F**ked up with the wrong rhino...
Scenes with Sheldon Mopes/Smoochy
6 scenes Sheldon I'll be in my office, the big one with a view!
They all have views, you dumb shit!
Sheldon Not looking this way, cupcake!
Sheldon So remember kids, a step-dad is a lot like a new puppy. They need patience and love while they adjust to their new surroundings. But remember - if he is ever abusive to you or mommy, what are the magic numbers?
Kids
9-1-1!
Sheldon Thaaaaaaat's right!
Bartender I never saw anyone get buzzed off of orange juice.
Sheldon Let me tell you a secret - if you squirt a little liquid alfalfa in, it's blast-off time.
We're going to find him, cut off his balls, and shove 'em up his ass.
Sheldon Well, maybe we should leave that for the cops, Tommy.
Roy Cops won't do the ball thing, it's against procedure.
I'm a fraud. I'm a wicked man who's done some wicked acts.
Sheldon Well, it's like the song says... [flips the gun's cylinder in place] We all have our bad days.
Burke [After the ice show, Sheldon and Burke confront each other in the tunnel as Burke pulls out his gun and points at Sheldon.]
You pull a gun on me? A gun I gave you as a gift? Where's your etiquette? Let me tell you a little secret about owning a gun.
Sheldon Oh, yeah? What's that?
Burke You have to **** it.
Sheldon [Burke turns to see Nora and drops his gun. Sheldon stands next to Nora and points the gun at Burke.]
Don't you move!
Sheldon.
Sheldon You okay?
Yeah.
Sheldon You...
Burke Take it easy.
Sheldon You were my agent. HOW COULD YOU SET ME UP LIKE THAT?!
Burke It was just circumstances--
Sheldon CIRCUMSTANCES?! YOU KILLED SPINNER, BURKE!!!
Burke It was a tragic mistake. I wish I could turn back time.
Sheldon He was my friend, you son of a bitch! [punches Burke]
Sheldon!
Sheldon Get up! Get up and look at me!
Burke What are you gonna do, shoot me?
Sheldon Yeah!
Burke That's not very Smoochy-like behavior.
Sheldon [takes his Smoochy costume off]
I don't feel very Smoochy-like right now, Burke!
Burke Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, Sheldon--
Sheldon [grabs Burke by the shirt]
I'll tell you something. You just **** with the wrong rhino, pal.
