Narrator I'd like to thank the Academy ...
Played by Edward Norton 
Fight Club (1999) · 121 quotes
Fight Club (1999) · 121 quotes
Most-quoted character in Fight Club (1999): in 68 of its 121 quotes
Most scenes with: Tyler Durden (11), Marla Singer (5)
For six months I couldn't sleep. With insomnia, nothing's real. Everything is far away. Everything is a copy ... of a copy ... of a copy.
More lines from Narrator
47 quotes Narrator Narrator People are always asking me if I know Tyler Durden.
Narrator I can't think of anything.
Narrator Put a gun to my head and paint the walls with my brains.
Narrator I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn't screw to save its species. I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all those French beaches I'd never see. I wanted to breathe smoke.
Narrator I felt like destroying something beautiful.
Narrator After fighting, everything else in your life got the volume turned down. You could deal with anything.
Narrator And I used to be such a nice guy.
Narrator A guy who came to Fight Club for the first time – his ass was a wad of cookie dough. After a few weeks, he was carved out of wood.
Narrator If you woke up at a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?
Narrator With a gun barrel between your teeth, you speak only in vowels.
Narrator On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
Narrator How embarrassing. A house full of condiments and no food.
Narrator We all started seeing things differently. Everywhere we went, we were sizing things up. I felt sorry for guys who packed into gyms, trying to look like how Calvin Klein or Tommy Hilfiger said they should.
Narrator This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time.
Narrator Losing all hope was freedom.
Narrator ... when you buy furniture, you tell yourself: that's it, that's the last sofa I'm gonna need. No matter what else happens, I've got that sofa problem handled. I had it all. I had a stereo that was very decent, a wardrobe that was getting very respectable. I was so close to being complete.
Narrator It was beautiful: we were selling rich women their own fat asses back to them.
Narrator That old saying, how you always hurt the one you love? Well, look, it works both ways.
Narrator You can swallow a pint of blood before you get sick.
Narrator We used to read pornography. Now it was the Horchow collection.
Narrator Marla Singer: she's like the scratch on the roof of your mouth that would heal if you would just stop tonguing it, but you can't.
Narrator Marla's philosophy of life is that she might die at any moment. The tragedy, she said, is that she didn't.
Narrator You had to give it to him – he had a plan. And it started to make sense, in a Tyler sort of way. No fear, no distractions. The ability to let that which does not matter ... truly slide.
Narrator This is Bob. Bob had bitch tits.
Narrator I am Jack's complete lack of surprise.
Narrator I am Jack's smirking revenge.
Narrator I am Jack's wasted life.
Narrator I am Jack's inflamed sense of rejection.
Narrator I am Jack's broken heart.
Narrator I am Jack's raging bile duct.
Narrator I am Jack's cold sweat.
Narrator It was right on everyone's face. Tyler and I just made it visible. It was in the tip of everyone's tongue. Tyler and I just gave it a name.
Narrator You met me at a very strange time in my life.
Narrator Well, you're not gonna believe this ...
Narrator If you ask me now, I couldn't tell you why I called him.
Narrator Ah ... that really hurts ... hit me again.
Narrator [From theatrical PSA]
Remember, no one has the right to touch you in your bathing-suit area.
Narrator If I had a tumour, I'd name it Marla.
Narrator When the fight was over, nothing was solved, but nothing mattered. We all felt saved.
Narrator Strangers with this kind of honesty make me go a big blubbery one.
Narrator Look, nobody takes this more seriously than me. That condo was my life. Ok? I love every stick of furniture in that place. That was not just a bunch of stuff that got destroyed. It was me!
Narrator When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep... and you're never really awake.
Narrator Fight club wasn't about winning or losing. It wasn't about words. The hysterical shouting was in tongues, like at a Pentecostal Church.
Narrator Tyler built himself an army. Why was Tyler Durden building an army? To what purpose? For what greater good? In Tyler we trusted.
Narrator When you have a gun in your mouth, you can only speak in vowels.
Narrator I want you to really listen to me. My eyes are open.
Scenes with Narrator
20 scenes
Richard Chesler Is that your blood?
Narrator Some of it, yeah.
Narrator Well, what do you want me to do? You just want me to hit you?
C'mon, do me this one favor.
Narrator Why?
Why? I don't know why; I don't know. Never been in a fight. You?
Narrator No, but that's a good thing.
No, it is not. How much can you know about yourself if you've never been in a fight? I don't wanna die without any scars. So come on – hit me, before I lose my nerve.
Narrator This is crazy.
So go crazy. Let 'er rip.
Narrator I don't know about this.
I don't either. Who gives a shit? No one's watching. What do you care?
Narrator Whoa, wait, this is crazy. You want me to hit you?
That's right.
Narrator What, like in the face?
Surprise me.
Narrator This is so **** stupid ...
Narrator Well, Jesus, I'm sorry.
Ow, Christ ... why the ear, man?
Narrator Guess I **** it up ...
No, that was perfect!
[He punches the Narrator in the stomach]
Narrator [One of the Narrator's teeth falls out]
****.
Hey, even the Mona Lisa's falling apart.
Narrator When people think you're dying, they really, really listen to you, instead of just ...
... waiting for their turn to speak?
Richard Chesler (reading a piece of paper): The first rule of Fight Club is you don't talk about Fight Club?
Narrator (voice-over): I'm half asleep again. I must've left the original in the copy machine.
Richard Chesler The second rule of Fight Club ... is this yours?
Narrator Huh?
Richard Chesler Pretend you're me, make a managerial decision: you find this, what would you do?
Narrator (pauses): Well, I gotta tell you: I'd be very, very careful who you talk to about that, because the person who wrote that ... is dangerous.
[Gets up from the chair] Narrator (talking slowly): And this button-down, Oxford-cloth psycho might just snap, and then stalk from office to office with an Armalite AR-10 carbine gas-powered semi-automatic weapon, pumping round after round into colleagues and co-workers. This might be someone you've known for years. Someone very, very close to you.
Narrator (voice-over): Tyler's words coming out of my mouth.
[He snatches the piece of paper from Richard's hands] Narrator (voice-over): And I used to be such a nice guy.
Narrator Or maybe you shouldn't bring me every little piece of trash you happen to pick up.
[Phone rings] Narrator (into phone): Compliance and Liability ...?
My tit's gonna rot off.
Narrator (to Richard Chesler): Would you excuse me? I need to take this.
Narrator [Narrator's bags have just been confiscated]
Was it ticking?
Airport Security Officer Actually, throwers don't worry about ticking 'cause modern bombs don't tick.
Narrator Sorry, throwers?
Airport Security Officer Baggage handlers. But when a suitcase vibrates, then the throwers gotta call the police.
Narrator My suitcase was vibrating?
Airport Security Officer Nine times out of ten it's an electric razor. But ... every once in a while [looks around, leans in conspiratorially] ... it's a dildo. [leans back] Of course, it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. We have to use the indefinite article, "a dildo", never ... your dildo.
Narrator I don't own a dildo!
Narrator I am Jack's colon ...
I get cancer, I kill Jack.
OK, any historic figure.
Narrator I'd fight Gandhi.
Good answer.
Narrator How about you?
Lincoln.
Narrator Lincoln?
Big guy, big reach. Skinny guys fight 'til they're burger.
Did you know that if you mix equal parts of gasoline and frozen orange juice concentrate, you can make napalm?
Narrator No, I did not know that. Is that true?
That's right. One could make all kinds of explosives, using simple household items.
Narrator Really ...?
If one were so inclined.
Narrator Tyler, you are by far the most interesting single-serving friend I've ever met. ... See, I have this thing: everything on a plane is single-serving ...
Oh, I get it. It's very clever.
Narrator Thank you.
How's that working out for you?
Narrator What?
Being clever.
Narrator ... Great.
Keep it up, then. Right up. [gets up from seat] Now, a question of etiquette: as I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch?
Narrator He was the guerilla terrorist in the food service industry.
[The Narrator looks at Tyler, who's urinating in a pot]
Do not watch. I cannot go when you watch.
Narrator Apart from seasoning the lobster bisque, he farted on the meringue, sneezed on braised endive, and as for the cream of mushroom soup, well ...
Tyler Durden (snickers): Go ahead. Tell 'em.
Narrator You get the idea.
We're consumers. We are by-products of a lifestyle obsession. Murder, crime, poverty, these things don't concern me. What concerns me are celebrity magazines, television with 500 channels, some guy's name on my underwear. Rogaine, Viagra, Olestra.
Narrator Martha Stewart.
**** Martha Stewart! Martha's polishing the brass on the Titanic; it's all going down, man. So **** off with your sofa units and your Strinne green stripe patterns. I say, never be complete. I say, stop being perfect. I say, let's evolve, and let the chips fall where they may.
Narrator Tyler was a night person. While the rest of us were sleeping, he worked. He had one part time job as a projectionist. See, a movie doesn't come all on one big reel. It comes on a few. So someone has to be there to switch the projectors at the exact moment that one reel ends and the next one begins. If you look for it, you can see these little dots come into the upper right-hand corner of the screen.
In the industry, we call them cigarette burns.
Narrator That's the cue for a changeover. He flips the projectors, the movie keeps right on going, and nobody in the audience has any idea.
And why would anyone want this shit job?
Narrator Because it affords him other interesting opportunities.
Like splicing single frames of pornography into family films.
Narrator So when the snooty cat and the courageous dog with the celebrity voices meet for the first time in reel three, that's when you'll catch a flash of Tyler's contribution to the film.
Narrator [The audience is watching the film, the pornography flashes for a split second]
Nobody knows that they saw it, but they did.
A nice, big **** ...
Narrator [Several audience members look rattled, a little girl is crying]
Even a hummingbird couldn't catch Tyler at work.
Narrator You know, what I really think is it's time you got out of here.
Yeah. Don't worry, I'm leaving.
Narrator Not that we don't love your little visits.
You know, you are such a nutcase I can't even begin to keep up.
Narrator A new car built by my company leaves somewhere traveling at 60 mph. The rear differential locks up. The car crashes and burns with everyone trapped inside. Now, should we initiate a recall? Take the number of vehicles in the field, A, multiply by the probable rate of failure, B, multiply by the average out-of-court settlement, C. A times B times C equals X. If X is less than the cost of a recall, we don't do one.
Woman on plane Are there a lot of these kinds of accidents?
Narrator You wouldn't believe.
Woman on plane Which car company do you work for?
Narrator A major one.
Narrator What are you talking about? This is not a **** piece of evidence! This is a person! He's a friend of mine, and you're not going to bury him in the **** garden.
Angel Face He was killed serving Project Mayhem, sir.
Narrator This is Bob.
Steph But in Project Mayhem, we have no names.
Narrator No, listen to me. This is a man and he has a name, and it's Robert Paulson, okay?
Mechanic Robert Paulson.
Narrator He is dead now, because of us, all right? You understand that?
Mechanic [Everyone stares at Narrator]
I understand. In death, a member of Project Mayhem has a name. His name is Robert Paulson.
Steph His name is Robert Paulson.
Narrator Stop it! Shut up!
All Space Monkeys
His name is Robert Paulson!
All Space Monkeys (louder): His name is Robert Paulson! His name is Robert Paulson!
Narrator This is all over with!
Narrator Testicular cancer should be no contest.
You know, technically, I have more of a right to be there than you. You still have your balls.
Narrator You're kidding.
I don't know. Am I?
Narrator When you buy furniture, you tell yourself, that’s it. That’s the last sofa I’ll need. Whatever else happens, got that sofa problem handled. I had it all. I had a stereo that was very decent. A wardrobe that was getting very respectable. I was close to being complete.
Shit man, now it’s all gone.
Narrator All… gone.
All gone. Do you know what a duvet is?
Narrator A comforter.
It’s a blanket. Just a blanket. Why do guys like you and I know what a duvet is? Is this essential to our survival in the hunter-gatherer sense of the word? No. What are we, then?
Narrator I don’t know. Consumers.
Right. We're consumers. We are by-products of a lifestyle obsession. Murder, crime, poverty, these things don't concern me. What concerns me are celebrity magazines, television with 500 channels, some guy's name on my underwear. Rogaine, Viagra, Olestra.
Narrator Martha Stewart.
**** Martha Stewart. Martha's polishing the brass on the Titanic. It's all going down, man. So **** off with your sofa units and strine green stripe patterns, I say never be complete, I say stop being perfect, I say let... lets evolve, let the chips fall where they may. But that's me, and I could be wrong. Maybe it’s a terrible tragedy.
You decide your level of involvement!
Narrator I will! I want to know certain things first.
Everyone
The first rule of Project-- (Narrator: SHUT. UP.)
Narrator I know it seems like I have more than one side sometimes...
More than one side? You're Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Jackass!
[the Narrator is trying to disarm a car bomb of nitroglycerin]
You don't know which wire to pull.
Narrator I know everything you do, so if you know I know.
Or maybe, since I knew you'd know I spent all day thinking about the wrong wires.
Other characters in Fight Club
More Edward Norton characters
Lester "Worm" Murphy
Sheldon Mopes/Smoochy
Derek Vinyard
Rex
Will Graham
King Baldwin IV
Roy
Alan Isaacman