Rainbow Randolph Bastard son of Barney! Die! Die, stuffed ball of fluff! Illegitimate Teletubbie! Die, you Muppet from hell! Die, you foam mother****er!
Tied for most-quoted character in Death to Smoochy (2002): in 20 of its 48 quotes
A line from Rainbow Randolph [after getting egged]I've been shot! I'm bleeding! Salmonella! You're a lawyer! That's salmonella!
More lines from Rainbow Randolph
12 quotes Rainbow Randolph Rainbow Randolph That fuschia ****! I'm gonna tear him apart, piece by piece!
Rainbow Randolph Even when you're squeaky clean, you can still fall in the mud.
Rainbow Randolph [Smoochy holds up a penis-shaped cookie made by Randolph]
What are you, blind? It's a ****! It's not a rocket, you sick ****! It's a ****! Look. It's a **** and balls! A dick! Chorizo and the huevos! It's a big stiffy! It's a penis! Penis maximus! A willie! A weenie! Mr. Jiggle Daddy! The one-eyed wonder weasel! Don't you see that? It's Jimmy and the twins. Rumple Foreskin. He made this. It's made from dil-dough.
Rainbow Randolph You better grow eyes in the back of your head, you horned piece of shit, because I'm not gonna sleep until worms are crawling up your foam-rubber ass! I'm goin' on safari, mother****er! SAH-FAR-I! [makes a rhino noise]
Rainbow Randolph [to a baby, after framing Sheldon]
Hello, little nipple-nibbler. The rhino's a Nazi!
Rainbow Randolph [after being assaulted by Tommy and her henchmen]
All right, that's it, you bloodsucking freaks! I'm suing your Riverdance act! Have you all shipped back home, eh?!
Rainbow Randolph [to Sheldon]
Bite me, Buddha!
Rainbow Randolph [to Sheldon]
Do not start with your magician's tricks, young Moses! I am Pharaoh! And you are my slave...and this is my kingdom!
Rainbow Randolph [As Randolph and Buggy are dangling from a ceiling catwalk]
Let go of me you **** JUNKIE!
Rainbow Randolph [after being assaulted by Tommy and her henchmen]
All right, you spudsucking ****s! I'm suing your Riverdance ass! [heavy Irish accent] I'm gonna send you all the way back home, eh?!
Rainbow Randolph "Friends Come in all Sizes!"
Scenes with Rainbow Randolph
7 scenes Randolph You want your little booger eater on my show?
Wife
Yes, very much.
Randolph Then don't tell me how to run my **** business.
[Randolph mentions his long-ago affair with Nora]
That was a long time ago. I was young and stupid.
Randolph And limber.
Cop
Are you okay?
Randolph I don't know. I'm kinda **** up in general, so it's hard to gauge.
Reporter
How does it feel to be the most hated man in America?
Randolph In this country full of neanderthals, I wear it as a **** badge of honor.
Reporter 2 Nora Wells says you have an unhealthy obsession with Mopes.
Randolph I barely know that bitch, okay? And she's been down on everything but the Titanic. She spreads like cream cheese for Sheldon.
Reporter 3 What about the rumors that you're mentally imbalanced?
Randolph Who the **** said that?! That's bullshit. I'm not mentally imbalanced. I'm on the same dosage I've always been.
Randolph [As Randolph and Buggy dangle from a ceiling catwalk]
Let go of me you **** JUNKIE
Buggy [As Buggy loses his grip]
I never saw Venice
Randolph [Randolph has found out that Sheldon is dating Nora in the newspaper.] [calm, but livid]
First, he takes my career, then my life, now my girl.
Angelo Calm down, Randy, she's not your girl anymore.
Randolph [loses his temper]
The balls on that fuchsia ****!!! [rips apart the newspaper] I'm gonna tear him APART! Piece by piece! PIECE BY PIECE!
Angelo You said it's time to heal, now stop it.
Randolph [grabs Angelo]
I'm going to take him apart. Hoof by hoof! Horn by horn! ONCE AND FOR ALL, NOW AND FOREVER!!!
Angelo What happened to graciously marching forward?
Randolph [walks up to a window and screams into the sky]
MOTHER****ER!!!
Randolph I'm a fraud. I'm a wicked man who's done some wicked acts.
Well, it's like the song says... [flips the gun's cylinder in place] We all have our bad days.
