[After Dante finds out about Veronica and Snowball]
...You sucked that guy's d*ck?!
.Well, yeah. How do you think I knew--?
But you said you only had sex with three different guys; you never mentioned him!
Because I never had sex with him.
We went out a few times. We never had sex but we fooled around.
Oh my God, why did you tell me you only had sex with three different guys?
Because I did only have sex with three different guys; that doesn't mean I didn't just go with people.
Oh my God, I feel so nauseous!
I'm sorry, Dante, I thought you understood!
I did understand! I understood that you had sex with three different guys and that's all you said!
How many d*cks have you sucked?!
All right, shut up a second and I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't freak out like this when you told me how many girls you ****!
This is different, this is important! How many?!
[long pause as customer buys something]
...Well?!
What?! Something like 36?!
Wait a minute, what is that anyway, something like 36?! Does that include me?!
[Customer comes up to counter]
Oh, my God. [To Customer] 37! My girlfriend sucked 37 d*cks!
AM Angry man
Now lose the skates, Dorothy Hamill, and open the ****in' store!
HP Hockey player
Dante, where are ya?
AM Angry man
**** "in a second"! This--oh look at you, you can't even pass!
AM Angry man
How 'bout covering the point? Man, you suck.
Who are you to make assessments?
AM Angry man
Hey, I'll assess all I want, pal.
HP Hockey player
Hey, Dante, you in or out?
AM Angry man
Don't pass to this guy. He sucks! You suck!
Oh, like you're any better?
AM Angry man
Hey, I'll whoop your ass any day, pal!
Oh, it's easy to for you to say from over here!
AM Angry man
Gimme your stick, pretty boy. I'll knock your ****in' teeth out and pass all over your ass!
C Customer
Hey, you open?
WB William Black
Yeah, you open?
DA Dante and Angry man
No!
The jizz-mopper's job is to clean off the glass after each guy shoots a load. I don't know if you noticed, but **** leaves streaks if you don't clean it right away.
C Customer
[offended]
I will never come to this place again!
C Customer
Using filthy language in front of the customers, you both should be fired!
I'm sorry, I guess we got carried away.
C Customer
I don't know if sorry could make up for it, you've highly offended me.
Well if you thinks that's offensive, check this out!
[Randal shows the customer a graphic picture from a porn mag.]
I think you can see her kidneys!
[The customer runs out of the store.]
Caitlin [Randal is busy watching a transsexual adult film]
What are you watching?
C Customer
[regarding weird man examining dozens of eggs]
They call it "shell shock". It seems to only happen with guidance counselors. They use to make a big deal of it but they let just let it go now 'cuz they always pay for whatever they break and they never bother anybody.
Well, why guidance counselors?
C Customer
Well, if your job was as meaningless as theirs, wouldn't you go crazy too?
Come to think of it, my guidance counselor was kinda worthless.
What an embarrassing way to die.
That's nothing compared to how my cousin Walter died.
He broke his neck trying to suck his own dick.
[Dante is trying to pry a customer's fist out a Pringle's can]
Hold on to the counter and I'll pull.
C Customer
Usually, I just turn the can upside down.
Maybe we oughta soap your hand up.
C Customer
They oughta put a warning on these things, like they do with cigarettes.
C Customer
[Dante pulls the can off the customer's fist]
Heh, thanks. I thought I was going to have to go to the hospital.
I'll throw this out as a precautionary measure.
C Customer
It stings a little.
A little word of advice, my friend: Sometimes you gotta let those hard-to-reach chips go.
[Randal walks in]
You know that article's accurate? Caitlin really is getting married.
You know what I just watched?
Me pulling a can off some moron's fist?
I can't believe I'm gonna miss the **** game!
Well, at least we're stuck here together.
My grandma use to say "What's better? ****in' a good plate with nothin' on it..." no wait, I **** up, "What's a good plate with nothing on it?"
I don't know. She was senile and shit. She use to ****in' piss herself all the time..and shit herself. C'mon Silent Bob lets get the **** outta this ****in' jib joint, with this ****in' **** Dante. You ****-smoker.
[Dante and Randal have just returned from Julie’s wake]
I can't ****in' believe you!
I'm tellin' you, it wasn't my fault!
You knocked the casket over, for Christ's sake!
I was just leanin' on it! It was an accident!
Like someone knocks a casket over on purpose!
So the casket fell over, big deal!
Her ****in' body fell out!
Just put it back in. It's not like it matters if she breaks somethin'!
Just go. Just go open the video store!
[offscreen]
Yeah, open the video store!
Shut the **** up, junkie!
[Jay comes over and lifts his leg to fart on Randal. Dante stops Randal and tells him to open RST.]
Just go. Just go open the video store.
Yeah, ****-smoking clerk!
And how many times have I told you not to be dealing in front of the store?
I'm not dealin', man. What you talkin' 'bout?
C Customer
Yo, you got anything, man?
Yeah, man. What you want, man?
