Bishop Pickering, Dr. Beeper, this is my niece, Lacey Underall. Lacey's mother sent her to us for the summer.
It must be a nice change from dreary, old Manhattan.
Lacey Yes. I was getting really tired of having fun all the time.
Played by Cindy Morgan 
Caddyshack (1980) · 111 quotes
Caddyshack (1980) · 111 quotes
6th most-quoted character in Caddyshack (1980): in 10 of its 111 quotes
Most scenes with: Ty Webb (4), Danny (4), Judge Smails (2)
Scenes with Lacey
10 scenes Lacey The man is a menace! Cut that off! Music is a violation of our personal privacy! He's breaking the law!
I've always been fascinated with the law, sir.
Really? What areas?
All areas. Personal privacy, noise statutes....I'd planned to go to law school after I graduated, but my folks won't have enough money to put me through college.
The world needs ditchdiggers, too.
Lacey Nice try.
I'll tell you, son. My main satisfaction is working with young people like yourself at our new Youtheran Center. Why don't you drop by some time?
I've often thought of entering the priesthood.
Oh, are you, uh, Roman-Catholic?
Lacey Go for it.
You know, I've often thought about becoming a golf club.
What brings you to this nape of the woods...neck of the wape? How come you're here?
Lacey Daddy wanted to broaden me.
In this place? Good luck!
Lacey What do you do for excitement?
Oh, I...play a lot of golf.
Lacey Golf? Nixon plays golf. I bet you have a lot of interesting stories about your ball landing in the rough.
So what do you do?
Lacey I enjoy...skinny-skiing...going to bullfights on acid. I'll bet you've got a lot of nice ties.
How do you mean?
Lacey Would you like to tie me up with some of your ties, Ty?
I've got a good idea. Let's pretend...we're really human beings.
Lacey I tried calling, but there is no listing for "Mr. Wonderful."
What spelling did you use? Sorry about this mess. Let me just clean up here. I'm getting ready for the season.
Lacey Duck?
No, no. Dolphin. Would you like a drink? Tuna Colada, perhaps?
Lacey Anything. Who's your decorator, Benihana?
No, I brought most of that stuff back from Vietnam.
Lacey You were in the war?
Uh...no....Homo. Much better now though.
Lacey Pretty pathetic, Ty.
Pathetic? Maybe for you, Lacey. For me, there's a subtle perfection in everything I do. I've got my own standards, my own way.
Lacey My uncle says you've got a screw loose.
Your uncle molests collies. You're rather attractive for a beautiful girl with a great body.
Lacey You're crazy!
That's what they said about Son of Sam.
Chuck
Hey, what kind of shit is this?
It's the best, man. I got it from a N**ro.
Lacey You're probably so high already you don't even know it.
Guess I'm a little overdressed, huh?
Lacey Depends on what's underneath.
Lacey This is your fate line. You're going to make a lot of money when you're older.
Yeah? When? How?
Lacey Could be in the market or on a game show. And this is your saliva line.
What does it tell?
Lacey [licks Danny's hand]
How hot I can get you.
