Caddyshack (1980) · 111 quotes
5th most-quoted character in Caddyshack (1980): in 15 of its 111 quotes
Most scenes with: Ty Webb (7), Lacey (4), Judge Smails (3)
Danny Hey, Mr. Webb. Can I ask you something?
Sure thing. Shoot, Timmy.
Danny Danny. When you were my age, did you ever have trouble deciding what you wanted to do with your life?
No, I've never had that problem. Why?
Danny Forget it. I didn't think you'd understand.
Do you take drugs?
Danny Every day.
Good. So what's the problem?
Danny Did you take the Cooter Preference Test when you were a senior in high school?
Yes, I took it. They said I should be a fire-watcher. What are you supposed to be?
Danny An underachiever.
Danny I haven't even told my father I'm not gonna get that scholarship. I'm gonna end up working in a lumberyard the rest of my life.
What's wrong with lumber? I own two lumberyards.
Danny I notice you don't spend too much time there.
I'm not quite sure where they are.
I like you Betty
Danny It's Danny, sir
Danny. Danny. I'm going to give you a little advice. There's a force in the universe that makes things happen. All you have to do is get in touch with it. Stop thinking. Let things happen...and be...the ball.
Just be the ball...be the ball...be the ball. You're not being the ball Danny.
Danny It's kinda hard when you keep talking like that.
Ok, sorry. I'm not talking now...I've stopped talking...Not talking. Just be the ball.
Danny Where'd it go?
Right into the lumberyard.
The man is a menace! Cut that off! Music is a violation of our personal privacy! He's breaking the law!
Danny I've always been fascinated with the law, sir.
Really? What areas?
Danny All areas. Personal privacy, noise statutes....I'd planned to go to law school after I graduated, but my folks won't have enough money to put me through college.
The world needs ditchdiggers, too.
Nice try.
I'll tell you, son. My main satisfaction is working with young people like yourself at our new Youtheran Center. Why don't you drop by some time?
Danny I've often thought of entering the priesthood.
Oh, are you, uh, Roman-Catholic?
Go for it.
You know, I've often thought about becoming a golf club.
I know why you came here tonight.
Danny Why?
That girl. Listen, I'd put that idea right out of your mind. She's been plucked more times than the Rose of Tralee. Biggest whore on Fifth Avenue, I'm told!
Danny Oh ho ...
Danny I've just got to win that caddy tournament! I owe it to my folks to get that scholarship.
Why do you want to go to college?
Danny I don't know.
Let me tell you a story. I once knew a guy who could've been a great golfer. Could've gone pro. All he needed was a little time and some practice. He decided to go to college instead. He went for four years. Did pretty well. At the end of his four years, his last semester, he was kicked out. You know what for? He was night-putting. Just putting at night...with the 15-year-old daughter of the Dean. You know who that guy was?
Danny No.
Take one good guess.
Danny Bob Hope.
No, that guy was Mitch Cumstein, my roommate. He's a good guy. Don't be obsessed with your desires, Danny. The Zen philosopher Basho once wrote: 'A flute with no holes, is not a flute. And a donut with no hole, is a danish'. Funny guy.
I'm having a party at the Yacht Club this Sunday. I'm christening my new sloop. What are you doing this Sunday?
Danny No plans.
Great! How would you like to mow my lawn? I figured a college-bound fellow could use a few extra dollars. And when you're finished why don't you drop by the Yacht Club? Eh? Huh? [laughs]
Danny How about we go swimming?
I don't have the swimwear. Besides, I've never swum.
Danny I'll teach you.
Why don't you come on in and help me sort my holy cards first?
Danny Guess I'm a little overdressed, huh?
Depends on what's underneath.
This is your fate line. You're going to make a lot of money when you're older.
Danny Yeah? When? How?
Could be in the market or on a game show. And this is your saliva line.
Danny What does it tell?
Danny Judge Smails, sir?
Sit down, Danny. I think you know why you're here. So I'll do us the courtesy of not reviewing what happened yesterday. My niece is the kind of girl that has a certain zest for living. The last thing any of us needs now is a lot of loose talk about her behavior.
Danny I swear I didn't tell anybody anything, sir.
Good. Good. You know, despite what happened I'm still convinced that you have many fine qualities. I think you can still become a gentleman someday if you understand and abide by the rules of decent society. There's a lot of...well, badness in the world today. I see it in court every day. I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. I didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them. The most important decision you can make right now is what you stand for. Goodness...or badness.
Danny I've made some mistakes in the past. I'm willing to make up for that. I want to be good!
Very good! I know how hard it is for young people today and I want to help. Just ask my grandson, Spaulding. He and I are regular pals. Are you my pal......"Mr. Scholarship Winner"?
Danny Yes, sir! I'm your pal!
How about a Fresca?
You've got to win this hole.
Danny I thought winning wasn't important.
Me winning isn't! You do!
Danny Great grammar.
See your future. Be...your future. Make...make it! Make your future. I'm a veg, Danny.
