Tim, look who is here.
Meet your new baby [in slow-motion voice] brother.
Baby what?
Brother.
Tim
Miles Bakshi · 29 quotes
Boss Baby
19 quotes
Francis Francis
Steve Buscemi · 13 quotes
Wizzie
James McGrath · 13 quotes
Ted
10 quotes
Janice
8 quotes
Eugene
Conrad Vernon · 3 quotes
Girl
Nina Zoe Bakshi · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Boss Baby & Tim (16), Tim & Ted (9), Janice & Ted (8)
The Boss Baby quotes
Page 2 of 4
Ted and Janice
[singing "Blackbird"]
Blackbird singing in the dead of night / [Ted imitates roar] Take these broken wings and learn to fly / All your life / You were only waiting / For this moment to arise.
Don't be nervous, buddy.
It's only overnight.
We'll be back before you know it.
Besides, you boys are in great hands. [Eugene laughing]
That's right, Eugenia is practically perfect in every way!
No! Please don't go with him. Francis Francis is trying to-
Oh! Believe me, Eugenia won't take her eyes off your children. Not for one second.
That's very reassuring.
Now you see them... [crushes cookies] and now, you don't. [Ted and Janice are ready to the airport with Francis Francis] Too-da-loo!
Hoo-hoo-hoo!
To the airport! [Eugene takes Tim and Boss Baby to the baby's room]
It's over, I'm through. What do we do, Templeton, what do we do?
We have to get to the airport and stop Francis before the plane takes off.
Yes, but how do we get past Scary Poppins down there?
Okay, there must be something we can do... [Boss Baby cries] Hey, it's not that bad? [Boss Baby laughs] Are you okay? What's the matter with you?
Ah! DON'T LOOK AT ME! Oh no, without my formula, I have turned into a normal baby! You know, goo-goo, ga-ga, the whole bit!
Oh no.
Ah!
Bleugh! Gross!
Ew, ew!
[sighs]
I'm a ticking baby time bomb! I'm going to turn into a PUKING, POOPING, HELPLESS BABY!
Wait a second. That gives me an idea!
What? What is it?
I've been through a lot of babysitters, and they all fear one thing.
TV Chef
[Now, they dump the baby food into a vacuum and add multi-colored cereal. Tim covers the baby's face with makeup and noodles. Meanwhile, Eugene watches along with a TV cooking show.]
Now ladies, the secret to deep fried butter, is a healthy dab of margarine.
Mm. Yum-yum.
Hey, Mr. Lady Man! [Eugene: Huh!?] The baby, I think he's sick! [Eugene exclaims] You gotta do something. [Tim kicks the vacuum and fake vomit spews all over Eugene.] Oh, the horror! [Tim follows Eugene around shooting green barf at him from the hose beside the baby's face. He loses his grip and the baby goes flying.]
Templeton!
TV Chef
Delicious! [Tim aims the vomit at Eugene's mouth. ]
Gross, it got in your mouth! Ew, it got in my mouth, too! I think I'm gonna be sick!
¡Vamonos al baño! [Eugene dashes to the bathroom. Boss Baby swerves the vacuum to the bathroom and leaps off.] Swirly! [He clogs the toilet lid over Eugene. Eugene gets up with the toilet stuck on his head.]
There's only an hour before the plane takes off.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Let's take the bike!
Uh, the bike? Um... I don't know. Ah!
Let's move!
Okay, but wait right here.
What? Where are you going? Templeton!
Always wear a helmet.
AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!
Too-da-loo, toilet head!
Ha! You'll never catch us!
Woman
[Staci cries]
Oh, Staci.
Staci
Is that you, boss?
Code red! I am being chased by a killer babysitter! Gather the team!
Staci
On it, boss.
Triplet One
Hello!
Triplet Two
Hello!
Triplet Three
Hello!
Staci
Code red!
Triplets
Got it! [?] We got a code red! Repeat. We got a code red!
What are you doing, Templeton? Go, go!
But that's jaywalking!
Here, I'll pay your ticket. Go! [?]
I think we lost him!
Oh no, we didn't! [?]
Jimbo
Pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow!
Ha-ha, that's my boy!
Jimbo
[?]
Poppy! [?] Run, run, run, run, run, run, run. [?]
Triplets
Uh-oh.
Jimbo
Run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run. [Eugene makes an evil chuckle, Tim and Boss Baby are riding a bicycle with training wheels, going after their parents, who are on their way to the airport, while being chased by Eugene]
Tim, you've gotta go faster!
I can't! I can't do it!
You can! Ha![leaps up onto Tim's shoulder] You've got it in you, Templeton! Now, eyes ahead! I said eyes ahead, son! Buttocks up! Now pedal like you mean it! Either you run the day, or the day runs you. [Tim pedals faster, Eugene almost catches them, but Boss Baby dodges his grasp, and they get further away] Good! [the bicycle's training wheels break off] Uh-oh!
Whoa! My training wheels! I can't ride without training wheels!
Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right!
Ah! What are you talking about?
The path to success is not a straight line, Templeton, but rather a wild ride... like a ship at sea! And you're a sea captain, taming a turbulent ocean! [The scene transforms from a suburb to an ocean, with Tim and Boss Baby riding a boat]
I'm a sea captain, taming the ocean! [they evade the incoming "whale"]
Both
Ah!
Good!
Tree! I'm gonna hit it!
Aim for failure, and you'll always succeed.
What?
AIM AWAY FROM FAILURE! [Tim steers away from the tree, the scene transforms back into a suburb backdrop]
I'm doing it, I'm doing it! [They travel through a forest, with Eugene close behind who is smashing past trees]
Once success is a habit, then it's all down...
Tim and Boss Baby
HILL! [They ride down a hill, at which time, they see the car which their parents are in with Francis Francis]
Look, there they are! Mom, Dad! [as the car passes the train crossing, the train passes by] Train!
Choo-choo! [They continue to approach the train crossing, with Eugene close behind] Templeton, stop! [Tim notices a mold of sand at a construction site next to the tracks, Tim steers towards it] What are you doing? [Tim pedals faster, the scene transforms into a ramp, with them riding a motorcycle, at the end of a ramp there is a ring of fire]
We're gonna make it!
But I don't have a quote for this! [They jump, Boss Baby yells out "Aaahhh!", and they make it, as the scene transform back into the "real" world, Eugene crashes into the mold of sand, ending the pursuit] (to Tim) You did it!
No, we did it!
And all without your training wheels.
Baby on board!
Hang on to your diaper! Duck and cover!
Both
Whoa,
Guard
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold it, buddy! I'm gonna need a strip search on two.
Um, there they are! Mom, Dad!
Hey, not so fast! Uh! Oh no. [laughs and coos] Ah! Templeton!
Man
Hey! [Tim: Sorry!] [Boss Baby laughs and eats a coin]
Hey, where'd you go? Oh no. Not again! Not now.
Ugh! What the...? Ah! Ah, ah, ah, ah! No, no, no, no!
Ugh. I think I ate $1.75.
Excuse me, coming through! Mom, Dad!
Ah! Hurry now! Move! [Tim: Stop!] We don't wanna miss our flight! [Tim: No!] I warned you!
Wait! No! [Boss Baby: No, no!] Mom, Dad! Stop!
No!
No, no, no! [watching Francis Francis escape on the Puppy Co. plane with his parents] They're gone.
I failed.
I would've gotten to my parents if I didn't have to go back for you!
What? We would've been here in plenty of time if you knew how to ride a bike like a normal kid! We're never going to stop the launch on time.
Who cares? My parents are in danger!
I care! Baby Corp is gonna go out of business!
UGHHHH!! That's all you ever talk about! You don't even know what it's like to be part of a family!
And you don't know what it's like to have a job!
You don't know anything about hugs, or bedtime stories, or special songs!
Oh, please. Stop acting like a baby.
You're a baby!
My life was perfect until you showed up!
Oh, believe me, kid, the feeling is mutual. I wish I'd never met you!
I WISH YOU'D NEVER BEEN BORN!
[Boss Baby is shocked by Tim's harsh words. He straightens his tie, and leaves.]
Where are you going? FINE!!
They have a puppy pool and everything!
Theodore
Really? Your parents are Lennon and McCartney?
No, Ted and Janice. You don't even know their names. You’re just trying to steal them from me! You stole everything! You’re the one who should be in jail!
Theodore
[sighs]
Look, it is time we put our differences aside. Oh, uh, have you been...
No!
Theodore
Oh, where is HR when you need them? [?] Take it.
I don't want your filthy money.
[narrates]
Dear Boss Baby, I don't usually write very much but now I know that memos are for very important things. Even though I never went to business school, I did learn to share in kindergarten. And if there is not enough love for the two of us, then I want to give you all of mine.
Theodore
Yep.
My dad says, "Those who can, do. And those who cannot, supervise."
Your father is a hippie.
Mom, Dad! I'm coming!
Atta boy! Go, Tim! Go, go, go!
ARRRRRGGGHH!!!
Both
Ah! [Francis Francis activates the rocket holding the Forever Puppies]
Automated Female Voice
Launch initiated.
[angrily]
I'M LAUNCHING MY FOREVER PUPPIES, AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT! [he throws away the key]
No!
Baby Corp stole all the love from me, and now I'm going to take it back from them. You should understand what I am talkin' about! You got replaced JUST LIKE ME!
No! I'm nothing like you!
Bratty kid!
Let our parents go! His parents. The parents.
Yeah!
[snaps]
YOU COULD'VE HAD YOUR PARENTS' LOVE ALL TO YOURSELF AGAIN?! BUT NO!!! YOU BLEW IT!!! YOU LET THAT BABY BOSS YOU AROUND!!!!!!!
He doesn't work for me.
We're partners. Ha!
[Tim attempts to tickle Francis Francis, but Francis Francis is unaffected]
Ha! I'm not ticklish.
Everyone has a tickle spot!
[as Boss Baby tickles him in the ear]
My ears! Stop it! [Tim and Boss Baby get past Francis Francis; Francis Francis angrily throws his cane at the boys] LITTLE BRATS! [The cane hits Tim and Boss Baby and they are dangling on a platform over a pool of formula] Ha-ha-ha-ha! Nothing is going to get in the way of my vengeance.
So, you did it.
No, we did it.
By the way, congratulations on your promotion, the corner office, the private potty, all that stuff.
But, hey, how about you? You have your parents all to yourself.
So... so what am I gonna tell Mom and Dad after you leave?
Oh, don't worry. Baby Corp has a procedure for situations like this. It will be like... I was never born. I almost forgot! Hoo-hoo!
No way! Lam-Lam! You fixed her!
Yep. She is as good as new. She is a tough one.
Well, I guess we both got what we wanted.
It is a win-win.
[after the argument between Tim and Boss Baby, Tim sits alone in the airport] [singing "Blackbird"; sobbing]
Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly, all your life, you were only waiting, for this moment to arise.
I know. Isn't it cute? He is like a little man!
He carries a briefcase! Does no one else think that's... oh, I don't know... a little freaky?
Well, you carried Lam-Lam around until you were like-
[suddenly sharp]
This is not about Lam-Lam. [Boss Baby snorts to hold back a laugh and spits out baby food]
All babies are different, Tim.
And each one is special.
He's taking over the whole house!
Are you taking over the house? Yes you are, yes you are. [Boss Baby makes cute faces to Janice]
Trust me, one day you're gonna get to know this little guy... [kisses the baby] and you're gonna love him with all of your heart. Just like we do.
All of your heart? [Ted and Janice exit to clear the table. Boss Baby looks up smugly, but then sees that Tim is gone from the chair. He looks over and recoils. Tim is now right next to him] Never! [He points toward his own eyes, then at Boss Baby, "I'm watching you". Boss Baby swats Tim's hand, making him poke himself in both eyes] Ooh!
[In the end-credits scene] [Last lines] [After the end credits, the alarm clock goes off]
Wake up, little halflings! It is time to leave. Go and live your peasant lives.[flailing his arms up and down] BE GONE WITH YOU!!!
[fade to black]
[last lines]
Tim's Daughter: Is that a true story, Daddy?
Well, sweetie, that is how I remember it. But you know what I found out?
Tim's Daughter: What?
There is plenty of love for everyone.
Tim's Daughter: Even me?
Especially you. Just ask your Uncle Ted.
Hey, kid. I hear you are gonna have a baby sister.
Tim's Daughter: I wanted a horse.
Here you go, kid. [throws her money] Go get yourself a horse. [turns to Tim] You know, I am proud of you, Leslie.
Back at ya, Lindsey.
Tim's Daughter: [stares at her new baby sister who wears a suit and looks like Boss Baby] Hi there, baby sister. [the baby yawns, she gasps and the baby winks]
[Opening lines] [Young Tim rustles through leaves in an imaginary jungle scene] [narrates]
Survival of the fittest. It is the law of the jungle. There is always someone trying to take what is yours. [a comical blue gorilla sniffs a lantern and throws it, followed by a growl] How do I know? [Young Tim jumps down onto the jungle floor and screen freezes when Tim gets up] It almost happened to me.
[Tim divers in the water, Boss Baby in underwater, Tim muffled screams in terror.]
Mom, he’s naked! [Janice chuckles] I'm naked!
Say "naked"!
No!