We were married today. We were going over Niagara Falls in a barrel. Your brother tries to kill me. A taxi is waiting and now you want to sleep on a window seat. You can take the honeymoon, your wedding ring, your taxi, your window seat, and put 'em in a barrel and push 'em all over Niagara Falls!
Mortimer Brewster
Cary Grant · 37 quotes
Teddy
John Alexander · 33 quotes
Jonathan Brewster
Raymond Massey · 12 quotes
Abby
Josephine Hull · 9 quotes
Elaine Harper
Priscilla Lane · 9 quotes
Dr. Einstein
Peter Lorre · 8 quotes
Martha
Jean Adair · 5 quotes
Most scenes together: Mortimer Brewster & Teddy (19), Elaine Harper & Teddy (8), Teddy & Abby (7)
Arsenic and Old Lace quotes
Page 4 of 5When I come back, I expect to find you gone. Wait for me!
Who do I look like, Boris Karloff?
[explaining to Elaine why they shouldn't be married]
You wouldn't want to have children with three heads, would you? I mean, you wouldn't want to set up housekeeping in a padded cell. Oh, it would be bad.
[last lines]
No, no. I'm not a Brewster. I'm the son of a sea-cook! Ha! Ha! Chaaaaarrrge!
[on telephone]
Hello... Operator? Can you hear my voice? You can? Are you sure? [Hangs up] Well, then I must be here.
[on the telephone]
Yes, operator, I'd like the Happy Dale Sanatorium, Happy Dale, New York. Come on, operator, what's taking so long? They're just across the river. I could swim it faster! No, I don't want the Happy Dale Laundry. I want the Happy Dale Sanatorium. Sanatorium, sanatorium, sanatorium. Yes, yes, like a broken record. Hello — what? They're busy? Busy? Look, they're busy and you're dizzy. No, I am not drunk, madam, but you've given me an idea. [throws down the phone in disgust]
[to elderly guest]
You... Get out of here! D'ya wanna be poisoned? D'ya wanna be murdered? D'ya wanna be killed?
[to his aunts]
This is developing into a very bad habit! I don't know if I can explain it to you. It's not only against the law, it's wrong!
[to Mortimer]
If you tell O'Hara what's in the window seat, I'll tell him what's in the cellar. There's an elderly gentleman down there who seems to be very dead.