N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #

Arsenic and Old Lace

Arsenic and Old Lace quotes

56 total quotes

Elaine Harper
Jonathan Brewster
Mortimer Brewster

View Quote Mortimer: The name Brewster is code for Roosevelt.
Teddy: Code for Roosevelt?
Mortimer: Yes. Don't you see? Take the name Brewster, take away the B, and what have you got?
Teddy: Rooster!
Mortimer: Uh-huh. And what does a rooster do?
Teddy: Crows.
Mortimer: It crows. And where do you hunt in Africa?
Teddy: On the veldt!
Mortimer: There you are: crows — veldt!
Teddy: Ingenious! My compliments to the boys in the code department.
View Quote Mortimer: Wait outside.
Dr. Gilchrist: But it's Halloween!
Mortimer: Oh, don't worry about Halloween. The pixies won't be out till after midnight
View Quote Mortimer: What is this? Did everyone in Brooklyn know I was getting married but me?
Martha: We knew you'd find out in time.
View Quote Mortimer: Yeah, yeah, I know that bromide. Something borrowed, something blue - old, new! Rice and old shoes, carry you over the threshold, Niagara Falls — all the silly tripe I've made fun of for years. Is this what I've come to? I can't go through with it. I won't marry you and that's that!
Elaine: [adoring] Yes, Mortimer.
Mortimer: What do you mean, "Yes, Mortimer"? Aren't you insulted? Aren't you going to cry? Aren't you going to make a scene?
Elaine: [adoring] No, Mortimer.
Mortimer: And don't "No, Mortimer" me either! Don't... Don't you see, marriage is a superstition, it... It's old-fashioned, it's... I... Ohhhh...
[He kisses her and hauls her into the marriage license office]
View Quote Mortimer: You mean you knew what you'd done and you didn't want the Reverend Harper to see the body?
Abby: Well, not at tea. That wouldn't have been very nice.
View Quote Mortimer: [Speaking of a character in a play he has seen] He just sits there waiting to be gagged and tied — the big dope!
Dr. Einstein: You know, you were right about that fellow. He wasn't very bright.
View Quote Rev. Harper: Have you ever tried to persuade him that he wasn't Teddy Roosevelt?
Abby: Oh, no.
Martha Brewster: Oh, he's so happy being Teddy Roosevelt.
Abby: Oh... Do you remember, Martha, once, a long time ago, we thought if he'd be George Washington, it would be a change for him, and we suggested it.
Martha: And do you know what happened? He just stayed under his bed for days and wouldn't be anybody.
View Quote Teddy Brewster: I must be catching cold.
Abby Brewster: No, dear, it was Reverend Harper who sneezed.
View Quote Teddy: Mr. Witherfork!
Mr. Witherspoon: Spoon!
Mortimer: [hands him spoon] Oh, here you go.
View Quote Teddy: This is a picture of when I take my hunting trip to Africa. This is me, and this is you.
Dr. Einstein: My how I've changed.
View Quote Teddy: [charging up the stairs] CHARGE!!!Charge the bunk house!!!
Reverend Harper: The bunkhouse?
Abby: Yes. The stairs are always San Juan Hill.
View Quote Cab Driver: I knew this would end up in the nuthouse.
Mr. Witherspoon: [offended] We like to think of it as a rest home!
View Quote Lt. Rooney: Who are you? What's your name?
Mortimer: Well, usually I'm Mortimer Brewster, but I'm not quite myself today.
View Quote [after finding the dead body in the window seat]
Mortimer: But — what happened to him?
Martha: [cheerfully] He died.
View Quote [Discussing the body count]
Dr. Einstein: You got twelve, they got twelve.
Jonathan Brewster: I've got thirteen!
Dr. Einstein: No, Johnny, twelve — don't brag.
Jonathan: Thirteen! There's Mr. Spinalzo and the first one in London, two in Johannesburg, one in Sydney, one in Melbourne, two in San Francisco, one in Phoenix, Arizona...
Dr. Einstein: Phoenix?
Jonathan: The filling station...
Dr. Einstein: Filling station? Oh!
[Dr. Einstein draws a finger across his throat]
Dr. Einstein: Yes.
Jonathan: Then three in Chicago and one in South Bend.
Dr. Einstein: You cannot count the one in South Bend. He died of pneumonia!
Jonathan: He wouldn't have died of pneumonia if I hadn't shot him!
Dr. Einstein: No, no, Johnny. You cannot count him. You got twelve, they got twelve. The old ladies is just as good as you are!