Aunt Abby, how can I believe you? There are twelve bodies in the cellar and you admit you poisoned them.
Yes, I did. But you don't think I'd stoop to telling a fib.
Mortimer Brewster
Cary Grant · 37 quotes
Teddy
John Alexander · 33 quotes
Jonathan Brewster
Raymond Massey · 12 quotes
Abby
Josephine Hull · 9 quotes
Elaine Harper
Priscilla Lane · 9 quotes
Dr. Einstein
Peter Lorre · 8 quotes
Martha
Jean Adair · 5 quotes
Most scenes together: Mortimer Brewster & Teddy (19), Elaine Harper & Teddy (8), Teddy & Abby (7)
Arsenic and Old Lace quotes
Page 2 of 5Men don't just get into window seats and die!
Of course not, dear. He died first.
But how?
The gentleman died because he drank some wine with poison in it. Now, I don't know why you're making such a big deal over this, Mortimer. Don't you worry about a thing!
Teddy's killed a man, darlings!
Oh, nonsense!
But there's a body in the window seat.
Yes, dear, we know.
You know?
Of course.
Yes, but it has nothing to do with Teddy.
But...but...
Now, Mortimer, you just forget about it. Forget you ever saw the gentleman.
Forget?!
We never dreamed you'd peek.
Teddy, I'd like to introduce you to a doctor.
Dr. Livingstone?
Dr. Gilchrist: He thinks I'm Livingstone?
Uh, that's what he presumes.
The name Brewster is code for Roosevelt.
Code for Roosevelt?
Yes. Don't you see? Take the name Brewster, take away the B, and what have you got?
Rooster!
Uh-huh. And what does a rooster do?
Crows.
It crows. And where do you hunt in Africa?
On the veldt!
There you are: crows — veldt!
Ingenious! My compliments to the boys in the code department.
Wait outside.
Dr. Gilchrist: But it's Halloween!
Oh, don't worry about Halloween. The pixies won't be out till after midnight
What is this? Did everyone in Brooklyn know I was getting married but me?
We knew you'd find out in time.
Yeah, yeah, I know that bromide. Something borrowed, something blue - old, new! Rice and old shoes, carry you over the threshold, Niagara Falls — all the silly tripe I've made fun of for years. Is this what I've come to? I can't go through with it. I won't marry you and that's that!
What do you mean, "Yes, Mortimer"? Aren't you insulted? Aren't you going to cry? Aren't you going to make a scene?
And don't "No, Mortimer" me either! Don't... Don't you see, marriage is a superstition, it... It's old-fashioned, it's... I... Ohhhh...
[He kisses her and hauls her into the marriage license office]
You mean you knew what you'd done and you didn't want the Reverend Harper to see the body?
Well, not at tea. That wouldn't have been very nice.
[Speaking of a character in a play he has seen]
He just sits there waiting to be gagged and tied — the big dope!
You know, you were right about that fellow. He wasn't very bright.
Rev. Harper
Have you ever tried to persuade him that he wasn't Teddy Roosevelt?
Oh, no.
Oh, he's so happy being Teddy Roosevelt.
Oh... Do you remember, Martha, once, a long time ago, we thought if he'd be George Washington, it would be a change for him, and we suggested it.
And do you know what happened? He just stayed under his bed for days and wouldn't be anybody.
I must be catching cold.
No, dear, it was Reverend Harper who sneezed.
Mr. Witherfork!
Mr. Witherspoon: Spoon!
This is a picture of when I take my hunting trip to Africa. This is me, and this is you.
My how I've changed.
Reverend Harper
The bunkhouse?
Yes. The stairs are always San Juan Hill.