Arsenic and Old Lace (1944) · 62 quotes
7th most-quoted character in Arsenic and Old Lace (1944): in 5 of its 62 quotes
Most scenes with: Teddy (4), Mortimer Brewster (3), Abby (3)
Have you ever tried to persuade him that he wasn't Teddy Roosevelt?
Oh, no.
Martha Brewster Oh, he's so happy being Teddy Roosevelt.
Oh... Do you remember, Martha, once, a long time ago, we thought if he'd be George Washington, it would be a change for him, and we suggested it.
Martha And do you know what happened? He just stayed under his bed for days and wouldn't be anybody.
Martha He died.
Teddy's killed a man, darlings!
Martha Oh, nonsense!
But there's a body in the window seat.
Yes, dear, we know.
You know?
Martha Of course.
Yes, but it has nothing to do with Teddy.
But...but...
Now, Mortimer, you just forget about it. Forget you ever saw the gentleman.
Forget?!
We never dreamed you'd peek.
What is this? Did everyone in Brooklyn know I was getting married but me?
Martha We knew you'd find out in time.
I'm not a cab driver. I'm a coffeepot!
Where am I? Oh, here I am.
We got a hot stiff on our hands!
Martha One of our gentlemen found time to say 'How delicious!' before he died.
Martha For a gallon of elderberry wine, I take one teaspoon full of arsenic, then add half a teaspoon full of strychnine, and then just a pinch of cyanide.
They're two of the dearest, sweetest, kindest, old ladies that ever walked the earth. They're out of this world. They're like pressed rose leaves.
Seems like the same suckers get married everyday.
Now Mortimer, you behave. You're too old to be flying off the handle like this!
