Dr. Einstein
At least people in plays act like they've got sense.
Mortimer
Oh, you think so? Did you ever see anybody in a play act like they got any intelligence?
Dr. Einstein
How can anybody be so stupid!
Dr. Einstein
You got twelve, they got twelve.
Jonathan Brewster
I've got thirteen!
Dr. Einstein
No, Johnny, twelve — don't brag.
Jonathan
Thirteen! There's Mr. Spinalzo and the first one in London, two in Johannesburg, one in Sydney, one in Melbourne, two in San Francisco, one in Phoenix, Arizona...
Dr. Einstein
Phoenix?
Jonathan
The filling station...
Dr. Einstein
Filling station? Oh!
Dr. Einstein
Yes.
Jonathan
Then three in Chicago and one in South Bend.
Dr. Einstein
You cannot count the one in South Bend. He died of pneumonia!
Jonathan
He wouldn't have died of pneumonia if I hadn't shot him!
Dr. Einstein
No, no, Johnny. You cannot count him. You got twelve, they got twelve. The old ladies is just as good as you are!
Mortimer
He just sits there waiting to be gagged and tied — the big dope!
Dr. Einstein
You know, you were right about that fellow. He wasn't very bright.
Dr. Einstein
Johnny, why did you kill that man? He was being nice to us and gave us a ride.
Jonathan
He said I looked like Boris Karloff!
Jonathan
Tonight, we are taking care of Mortimer. And just for him we'll have something special. I plan on using the Melbourne method.
Dr. Einstein
No! Not the Melbourne method, please! Two hours!
Jonathan
And now doctor... we go to work!
Dr. Einstein
No, Johnny. I cannot operate without a drink!
Jonathan
Pull yourself together, doctor!
Dr. Einstein
I cannot pull myself together without a drink!
Teddy
This is a picture of when I take my hunting trip to Africa. This is me, and this is you.
Dr. Einstein
My how I've changed.
I'm not a cab driver. I'm a coffeepot!
Dr. Einstein
Where am I? Oh, here I am.
Dr. Einstein
We got a hot stiff on our hands!
Martha
One of our gentlemen found time to say 'How delicious!' before he died.
Martha
For a gallon of elderberry wine, I take one teaspoon full of arsenic, then add half a teaspoon full of strychnine, and then just a pinch of cyanide.
They're two of the dearest, sweetest, kindest, old ladies that ever walked the earth. They're out of this world. They're like pressed rose leaves.
Seems like the same suckers get married everyday.
Abby
Now Mortimer, you behave. You're too old to be flying off the handle like this!
Dr. Einstein
Well, I'm off to Panama. Bon voyage!
