Joel Cairo You will please clasp your hands together at the back of your neck. I intend to search your offices, Mr. Spade. I warn you, if you attempt to prevent me, I shall certainly shoot you.
Tied for 3rd most-quoted character in The Maltese Falcon (1941): in 9 of its 51 quotes
Most scenes with: Sam Spade (6), Brigid O'Shaughnessy (2), Gutman (2)
I'm trying to recover, an ornament that, ah, shall we say has been mislaid...I thought and hoped you could assist me. The ornament, ah, is a statuette, the black figure of a bird...I am prepared to promise that - what is the phrase? [He gestures knowingly] 'No questions will be asked!'
More lines from Joel Cairo
2 quotes Joel Cairo 
[The falcon has turned out to be a fake.] [to Brigid]
All right, you've had your little joke, now tell us about it.
No, Sam! No! That's the one I got from Kemidov, I swear it!
Cairo [to Gutman]
You. It's you who bungled it. You and your stupid attempt to buy it! Kemidov found out how valuable it was. No wonder we had such an easy time stealing it! You, you imbecile! You bloated idiot! You stupid fathead, you! [sobbing]
Scenes with Joel Cairo
6 scenes Cairo Will you please clasp your hands together at the back of your neck? I intend to search your offices.
Why, sure. G - go ahead, I won't stop ya.
Cairo And why, if I may ask another question, are you willing to sell it to me?
Because I'm afraid. After what happened to Floyd, I'm afraid to touch it except to turn it over to somebody else.
Cairo What exactly did happen to Floyd?
Cairo [after Spade disarms him]
This is the second time that you've laid hands on me.
[Spade forcibly grabs Cairo and slaps him three times]
When you're slapped, you'll take it and like it!
Let's go someplace where we can talk.
Cairo No, no, no. Our private conversations have not been such that I'm anxious to continue them. Forgive my speaking so bluntly, but it is the truth.
You mean last night? What else could I do? I had to throw in with her. I don't know where the bird is and neither do you. She does. How are we gonna get it if I don't play along with her?
Cairo You always have a very smooth explanation ready, huh?
What do you want me to do - learn to stutter?
Yes, sir, we were, but this is genuine coin of the realm. With a dollar of this you can buy ten dollars of talk. And they're more of us to be taken care of now.
That may be, but I've got the falcon.
Cairo [sternly]
...you may have the falcon, but we certainly have you.
Give them Cairo.
Cairo [incensed]
And suppose we give them you or Miss O'Shaughnessy? How about that, huh?
You want the falcon. I've got it. The fall guy's part of the price I'm asking. As for Miss O'Shaughnessy, if you think she can be rigged for the part, I'm perfectly willing to discuss it with you.
