Arsenic and Old Lace (1944) · 62 quotes
Tied for 4th most-quoted character in Arsenic and Old Lace (1944): in 9 of its 62 quotes
Most scenes with: Teddy (7), Mortimer Brewster (5), Martha (3)
Have you ever tried to persuade him that he wasn't Teddy Roosevelt?
Abby Oh, no.
Oh, he's so happy being Teddy Roosevelt.
Abby Oh... Do you remember, Martha, once, a long time ago, we thought if he'd be George Washington, it would be a change for him, and we suggested it.
And do you know what happened? He just stayed under his bed for days and wouldn't be anybody.
Aunt Abby, how can I believe you? There are twelve bodies in the cellar and you admit you poisoned them.
Abby Yes, I did. But you don't think I'd stoop to telling a fib.
You mean you knew what you'd done and you didn't want the Reverend Harper to see the body?
Abby Well, not at tea. That wouldn't have been very nice.
Teddy's killed a man, darlings!
Oh, nonsense!
But there's a body in the window seat.
Abby Yes, dear, we know.
You know?
Of course.
Abby Yes, but it has nothing to do with Teddy.
But...but...
Abby Now, Mortimer, you just forget about it. Forget you ever saw the gentleman.
Forget?!
Abby We never dreamed you'd peek.
Men don't just get into window seats and die!
Abby Of course not, dear. He died first.
But how?
Abby The gentleman died because he drank some wine with poison in it. Now, I don't know why you're making such a big deal over this, Mortimer. Don't you worry about a thing!
Abby Just the thought of Jonathan frightens me. Do you remember how he used to cut worms in half with his teeth?
Oh, Jonathan? He's probably in prison or hanged or something by now.
The bunkhouse?
Abby Yes. The stairs are always San Juan Hill.
I'm not a cab driver. I'm a coffeepot!
Where am I? Oh, here I am.
We got a hot stiff on our hands!
One of our gentlemen found time to say 'How delicious!' before he died.
For a gallon of elderberry wine, I take one teaspoon full of arsenic, then add half a teaspoon full of strychnine, and then just a pinch of cyanide.
They're two of the dearest, sweetest, kindest, old ladies that ever walked the earth. They're out of this world. They're like pressed rose leaves.
Seems like the same suckers get married everyday.
Abby Now Mortimer, you behave. You're too old to be flying off the handle like this!
Abby Well, this is a fine how-do-you-do! It's getting so crowded anyone thinks they can be put in here. We've always wanted a double funeral. But I refuse to hold services for a total stranger.
