Dr. Rubin
[the Chipmunks are sent to Dr. Rubin's office after their brawl against Ryan and Xander]
You threatened to climb inside of him and build a nest.
S Simon
That was out of line. I'm not even sure that's physically possible.
Dr. Rubin
I should suspend all 3 of you.
Dr. Rubin
Instead, I have a better idea. Due to budget cutbacks, we are in jeopardy of losing our beloved music program.
Dr. Rubin
I know. But there is one small ray of hope. Every year, the district sponsors a music competition, and the winner's school receives $25,000. If we win, we can save our program.
S Simon
And you want us to perform?
A Alvin
'Cause I didn't think you were a fan.
Dr. Rubin
Why don't you sleep on it?
A Alvin
[she reaches for her jacket, revealing a tattoo of the Chipmunks on her left arm, to the Chipmunks' surprise]
Wait a minute! What is that?! That's us!
T Theodore
I look skinny.
Dr. Rubin
[shocked that they have noticed]
Promise me that you won't say anything. A principal has a certain image to uphold, and if the faculty ever found out about this, I could– [laughs excitedly and bangs on her desk] I just cannot believe that you're actually sitting in my office! I have all of your C.D.'s. I even went to see you last year in Denver. That's where I got this. [her tattoo] It was my birthday. And I was like, "Ah! The Chipmunks! Ah!". So, what do you say, will you represent our school?
A Alvin
Honestly, suspension still sounds pretty good to me.
T Theodore
Come on, Alvin. Whattaya say? One for all, and 3 for one.
S Simon
Well put, Theodore. Very well put. Count us in!
A Alvin
[unenthusiastically]
Yay.
Dr. Rubin
Go, Eagles!
T Theodore
Eagles?! Where?!
A Alvin
[Back at West Eastman, the Chipmunks are eating lunch with Becca, Valentina, Emily and the other girls they rizzed up earlier in homeroom]
So, I'm on Jay-Z's yacht, right? And I say, "Jay, where's Beyonce?" And he says, "She's holding a plate full of cheese balls, turn around." And guess what? She was!
S Simon
P.S., Dave left me in charge. Stayin' up 'til ten, every night. Oh, yeah.
T Theodore
Hey girls, look what I can do! [places a tater tot on the end of a fork and stomps on the part that pokes the food, sending the tater tot flying into the air, which he catches in his mouth]
B Becca
You are Theodore-able!
Ryan
[walks by, "accidentally on purpose" knocking Alvin's food tray onto the floor]
Oops! Oh, I am so sorry!
A Alvin
[looks over the edge of the table to inspect the damage, then stands back up and shrugs/smiles disarmingly]
It's cool, no harm done.
Ryan
Not yet. Girls, please? Private conference. Thank you!
G Girls
[sigh and roll their eyes as they get up and leave]
Ryan
[places his tray on the table and looks the Chipmunks straight in the eye]
Listen up, rock stars. If you talk to those girls again, you're dead. If you look at those girls again, you're dead. If you even think about those girls...are you thinking about them?
A Alvin
Well, I am now...
Ryan
That's it. You're DEAD! [tries to catch the Chipmunks, but they run out of the cafeteria]
Ryan
Xander, come on! Get back here, you dirty rats!
A Alvin
[The Chipmunks jump onto a stair railing and slide down, with Ryan, Xander and five other boys in hot pursuit.]
Hang ten, bros!
S Simon
[Reaching the bottom of the stairs, the Chipmunks jump off the railing.]
Scatter!
Ryan
[Simon and Theodore scurry in different directions, and Alvin hides behind the staircase, watching Ryan running after Simon.]
Go, go! That way! Over there!
A Alvin
[comes up with an idea to distract Ryan]
Oh, Ryan! [runs up the stairs, Ryan hot on his trail] Hey, slowpokes! Catch me if you can!
Ryan
[When Alvin reaches the top of the stairs, trying to run away, Xander blocks him.]
You're dead, furball!
A Alvin
Not! [jumps out of the way right as Ryan and Xander lunge at him] It's wedgie time! [gives Ryan a wedgie]
Ryan
Oh, my butt!!
A Alvin
[gives Xander a wedgie and scurries off, laughing maniacally]
RA Ryan and Xander
[stand up, holding their lower backs and grunting in pain]
T Theodore
[Meanwhile, Theodore, having gotten away from the bullies, hides behind a bench, catching his breath.]
Oh, boy. [His eyes land on a large foot with talons, belonging to a giant eagle statue] Uh, eagle. AH! Eagle! Eagle! [runs away]
Ryan
[sees Theodore and Simon]
Get them!
T Theodore
AH! Bully! Bully!
Ryan
[Theodore and Simon run away quickly. Simon runs into the bathroom, trying to escape.]
This way, this way! [catches Simon] Gotcha!
S Simon
Guys, wait, wait! Timeout!
Ryan
It's swirlie time! [he and Xander take Simon into a stall.]
S Simon
Come on, come on, guys, this is so 1980s-- [Xander flushes the toilet and Ryan holds Simon by the tail.] --AAH! Please! Please! [Ryan lowers Simon into the toilet, lifts him out, and Simon coughs and sputters.] Oh man! Ugh, come on!
Ryan
That-That's a good look for you.
S Simon
Oh, thank-- YAAH!
S Simon
[Ryan and Xander drop Simon into the toilet and run out of the bathroom. Alvin runs inside to look for Simon, seeing him struggling to get out of the toilet.]
Can't swim! Help!
S Simon
[grabs Alvin's tail and pulls himself out of the toilet]
Thanks. [shakes himself off]
S Simon
Well, uh... considering that you just saved me from drowning in a toilet, I'm uh... pretty good.
A Alvin
I'll be right back. [walks out of the bathroom and into the corridor, and Simon follows him, realizing what Alvin was going to do]
S Simon
Alvin? Alvin! We're not going to solve anything with violence.
Ryan
[Simon and Alvin spot their brother hanging in the locker room. Ryan and Xander are poking Theodore's rear.]
It's the fatty ratty.
Ryan
This rat has serious junk in the trunk.
Xander
Yeah, little fatty.
Ryan
He jiggles when I poke him.
Ryan
[This is the last straw for Alvin and Simon: they lunge at Ryan and Xander with fury. We cut to the outside of the school where Ryan and Xander are heard screaming.]
MOMMY!
T Theodore
[Later, the Chipmunks are waiting outside Dr. Rubin's office.]
Simon, does this make my butt look smaller? [lowers the bottom of his sweatshirt, covering his tail]
S Simon
Theodore, your butt looks fine. Those guys are just jerks.
Dr. Rubin
[Ryan and Xander exit Dr. Rubin's office, their clothes torn up and claw marks all over their bodies. They flinch when they see the Chipmunks glaring at them. Alvin growls and barks viciously at them like a mad dog, forcing the bullies to flee, terrified.]
Gentlemen?
Dr. Rubin
[The Chipmunks see Dr. Rubin, jump off the table they were on, and enter her office.]
You threatened to climb inside of him and build a nest.
S Simon
That was out of line. I'm not even sure that's physically possible.
Dr. Rubin
I should suspend all three of you.
Dr. Rubin
Instead, I have a better idea. Due to budget cutbacks, we are in jeopardy of losing our beloved music program.
Dr. Rubin
I know, but there is one small ray of hope. Every year, the district sponsors a music competition. And the winner's school receives $25,000. If we win, we can save our program.
S Simon
And you want us to perform?
A Alvin
Because I didn't think you were a fan.
Dr. Rubin
Why don't you sleep on it? [reaches for her jacket, revealing a tattoo of the Chipmunks' faces over a heart on her left arm]
A Alvin
Wait a minute, what is that?
S Simon
Wait wait wait wait wait...
Dr. Rubin
[shocked that they noticed]
Promise me that you won't say anything. A principal has a certain image to uphold, and if the faculty ever found out about this, I could— [laughs excitedly and bangs on her desk] I just cannot believe that you're actually sitting in my office! I have all of your CDs. I even went to see you last year in Denver, that's where I got this. It was my birthday, and I was like, "Ooh, the Chipmunks!" [Alvin smiles nervously.] So, what do you say, will you represent our school?
A Alvin
...honestly, suspension still sounds pretty good to me.
T Theodore
Come on, Alvin. What do you say? One for all and three for one!
S Simon
Well, put, Theodore. Very well put. Count us in!
A Alvin
[unenthusiastically]
Yay.
Dr. Rubin
Go Eagles! [pretends to screech like an eagle]
T Theodore
Eagles?! Where?! [hides and looks around nervously]
Toby
[Suddenly, the crowd VEI-8 erupts into cheers.] [smiles and chuckles, thinking the applause is for him and surprised the audience liked his performance]
Thank you. Thank you. No, really, thank you. [notices the crowd looking up at a spotlight pointed at an open window] What the...?
A Alvin
[The helicopter flies through the window, carrying Alvin and the Chipettes.]
The Chipettes are in the building!
Toby
It's the Chipettes! [runs off the stage]
T Theodore
Alvin! [he and Simon bound to the stage]
A Alvin
[waves to his brothers]
Yo, Theo!
Brittany
[waves to the audience]
Hello, West Eastman!
Dr. Rubin
[smiles and runs to the stage]
Jeanette
I'm putting her down, hang on! [lands the helicopter on the circular platform on the stage right as Theodore gets there to greet them]
T Theodore
Alvin! [smothers Alvin in a hug]
S Simon
[bounds to the platform to greet Alvin and the Chipettes]
Double high-five, brother! [high-fives Alvin with both paws]
E Eleanor
Yay! [hugs Theodore before running to Simon, who lifts her, spins and sets her down]
T Theodore
Woohoo!! [After letting Eleanor go, he runs up to Brittany, where the two of them exchange low-fives and wave to the crowd]
Jeanette
High-five! [tries to high-five Alvin but misses] Oh, oops. [smiles awkwardly]
Dr. Rubin
[goes to the microphone]
Ladies and gentlemen, representing West Eastman, it is my great pleasure...
E Eleanor
[The Chipmunks and the Chipettes bound off the platform and onto the main stage as "We Are Family" starts playing in the background.]
This is such an honor! [giggles]
T Theodore
For you, or for us?
AA Alvin and Brittany
[in unison]
For us. [their faces light up] Jinx! Double-jinx! Triple-jinx! Quadruple-jinx! Infinity-jinx!
Jeanette
[interrupting them]
GUYS! We get it! [Alvin and Brittany smile at each other] Huddle up, gang! [The six of them do so]
S Simon
[whispers]
Here's the plan...
Dr. Rubin
...for the first time ever, I give you the Chipettes and the Chipmunks!
[The Chipmunks and the Chipettes break the huddle and start singing as the song explodes into the foreground.]
