Chicha quotes from The Emperor's New Groove (2000)

Chicha

Okay everybody, move aside. [pats her pregnant belly] Lady with a baby comin' through.

Kuzco

"...I'm a crumbling canyon wall, and I'm taking you with me." Well not today, pal! [shuffling to dance] Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-uh.
Pacha [uncertainly]: You just saved my life.

Kuzco

Huh?

Take him out of town and finish the job, now!

Kronk

But, what about dinner?

Kronk, this is kind of important.

Kronk

Not even dessert?

Well, I suppose there's time for dessert.

Kronk

And coffee?

All right, a quick cup of coffee. Then take him out of town and finish the job!

Pacha

What happened?

Kuzco

I'm trying to figure that out, okay? [falls and starts whining again] I can't remember! I can't remember anything! Wait a minute. [turns towards Pacha] I remember you! I remember telling you that I was building my pool where your house was. And then you got mad at me-- [gasps in shock, then turns back to Pacha angrily] Then you turned me into a llama!

Pacha

Wha--! No, I did not!

Kuzco

Yes, and then you kidnapped me!

Pacha

Why would I kidnap a llama?

Kuzco

I have no idea. You're the criminal mastermind, not me!

Pacha

What?!

Kuzco

You're right. That's giving you way too much credit.

Pacha

Don't worry your Highness. I got ya. You're safe now.

Kuzco

Maybe I'm just new to this whole rescuing thing, but this, to me, might be considered kind of a step backwards, wouldn't you say?

Pacha

No, no, no. It's-It's okay. This-This is all right. We can figure this out.

Kuzco

I hate you.

Nooo!

Kuzco

I don't know about you, but I'm getting all funned out.

Pacha

Uh-oh.

Kuzco

Don't tell me: We're about to go over a huge waterfall.

Pacha

Yep.

Kuzco

Sharp rocks at the bottom?

Pacha

Most likely.

Kuzco

Bring it on. [yells as they go over] Boo-yaaa!

Pacha

For the last time it was not a kiss.

Kuzco

Well, whatever you call it, [Kuzco spits the water onto Pacha's fire, putting it out] it was disgusting. And if you would've done what I ordered you to do in the first place, we all could have been spared your little kiss of life. [Kuzco shakes off the water from his fur which puts out the fire Pacha has just re-lit] But now that you're here, you will take me back to the palace. I'll have Yzma change me back, and then I'll start construction on Kuzcotopia. Oh yeah!

Pacha

Okay, now look, I think we got off on the wrong foot here. I just think if you really thought about it you'd decide to build your home on a different hilltop.

Kuzco

And why would I do that? [Kuzco throws the poncho over the fire, putting it out again]

Pacha

Because [controls his anger] deep down, I think you'll realize that you're forcing an entire village out of their homes just for you.

Kuzco

And that's bad?

Pacha

Well, yeah. Uh, nobody's that heartless.

Kuzco

Mmmm. [pauses] Now take me back.

Pacha

What? Wait, wait. How can you be this way? All you care about is building your summer home and filling it with stuff for you.

Kuzco

Uh, yeah. Doy. Me. Everyone else in the kingdom gets it. You're the only one that doesn't seem to be with the programme, eh, Pacha?

Pacha

You know what? Someday, you're gonna wind up all alone and you'll have no one to blame but yourself.

Kuzco

Thanks for that, I'll log that away. Now, for the final time I order you to take me back to the palace.

Pacha

Looks to me like you're stuck out here because unless you change your mind, I'm not taking you back.

Kuzco

Because unless you change your mind, I'm not taking you back. Me, me, me. [Picks up an acorn and throws it at Pacha, hitting him on the head. Pacha looks round angrily] Huh? What? I didn't do anything. I didn't - Somebody's throwing stuff.

Kronk, why did I think you could do this? This one simple thing. It's like I'm talking to a monkey.

Kronk's Shoulder Angel

Whoa now!

A really, really, big, stupid monkey named Kronk!

Kronk's Shoulder Devil

Ouch.

And would you like to know something else? I never liked your spinach puffs. Never!

Kronk's Shoulder Devil

That's it! [**** trident] She's goin' down.

Kronk's Shoulder Angel

Now guys, from above, the wicked shall receive their just reward. :[they look to the heavens and notice a chandelier as an angel chorus sings]

Kronk, Shoulder Angel, and Devil simultaneously

That'll work.

Kronk's Shoulder Devil

Listen big guy, I got three good reasons why you should just walk away. Number one: [points to Kronk's Shoulder Angel] Look at that guy! He's got that sissy, stringy, music thing.

Kronk's Shoulder Angel

We've been through this; it's a harp, and you know it.

Kronk's Shoulder Devil

All right; that's a harp, and that's a dress.

Kronk's Shoulder Angel

Robe!

Kronk's Shoulder Devil

Reason number two: [as he does a one-handed handstand] Look what I can do!

Kronk

What does that have to do with any—

Kronk's Shoulder Angel

No, no, he's got a point.

Kronk

Look, you guys are confusing me, so, uh.... "be gone", or whatever I do to get rid of you guys.

Kronk's Shoulder Angel and Devil

That'll work. [they poof out of existence]

Kuzco

No touchie.

Pacha

Agh! Demon llama!

Kuzco

Demon llama?! Where![screams]

Chicha

So, what did the emperor want?

Pacha

Oh, you know what, he couldn't see me.

Chicha

Couldn't see you? Why not?

Pacha

I don't know.

Chicha

Well-well, that's just rude!

Pacha

Well, he is the emperor. I'm sure he's busy.

Chicha

No, no, no, no, no. NO! Emperor or no emperor, it's called common courtesy.

Pacha

Honey.

Chicha

If that were me, I'd march right back there and demand to see him and you know I would.

Pacha

Sweetie, sweetie. Think of the baby.

Chicha

Pacha, I'm fine. This baby's not coming out for while. But even if it was, I'd give that guy a piece of my mind. That kind of behavior just- just- [snorts]. I gotta go wash something.

Chicha

You know, I am so sorry that you had to come all this way. But, as I said to you before, you may recall, Pacha is not here. I'll be sure to tell him you came by.

Oh, would you, please? That would be just great. [Yzma makes an exaggerated gesture that makes her knock her tea cup off the table] Oops. Silly me.

Chicha

No no. [exhaustedly] Allow me. [Chicha bends down to get the cup. Because she's pregnant, she has trouble picking it up.]

Pacha

Let's see. Lions, tigers, bears-

Oh my. [Steps out of a shadow holding the potion] Looking for this?

Kuzco

No, it's impossible! How did you get back here before us?

Ah.... [Looks confused] How did we get back here, Kronk?

Kronk

Well, ya got me. [Pulls down a chart displaying the progress of the previous chase] By all accounts, it doesn't make any sense.

Oh well. Back to business.

Kuzco

Okay, I admit it. Maybe I wasn't as nice as I should have been; but Yzma, you really wanna kill me?!

Just think of it as...you're being let go. That your life's going in a different direction. That your body is part of a permanent outplacement.

Kronk

Hey, that's kinda like what he said to you when you got fired.

I know. It's called a cruel irony. Like my dependence on you.

Tipo

Mom, Mom! I think I'm still growing! Measure me again!

Chicha

All right, Tipo. Stand still and let's see.

Chaca

Mom, you and I both know that it's impossible for him to have grown in the last 5 minutes.

Tipo

Mmm! Mmm!

Chaca

Isn't it?

Chicha

Look how much you've grown!

Chaca

What? Tipo, get out of the way. It's my turn again. Measure me.

Tipo

Dad's home!

Pacha

Come Here!

Pacha

Hey, ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Come here. Ha ha ha!

Tipo

Dad! I ate a bug today!

Pacha

Oh! Was Mom baking again? Heh. Don't tell her I said that.

Chicha

I heard that. OK, everybody, move aside. Lady with a baby coming through.

Tipo

Dad, Dad, Dad! Look at how big I am! We were all measured today.

Pacha

Oh.

Tipo

I'm going through a growth spurt. I'm as big as you were when you were me.

Pacha

Mm-hmm. Sure are.

Chaca

That's not as impressive as my loose tooth. See?

Chicha

Okay, Okay, you two. Our deal was that you could stay awake until Daddy came home. Now say good night.

Dad, do we have to?! [whimpers as cat meows]

Pacha

No, you 2 can stay up. We're just gonna be sitting here telling each other how much we love each other. Right, honey? [coos]

Tipo

Ew!

Chaca

Blecch!

...GOOD NIGHT. [Both Laughing]

Pacha

Your Highness. Your Highness, can you hear me? Oh, boy. Come on, breathe. Breathe! Ohh. Why me? Ooh! All right. [inhales] Ohh!

Llama Kuzco

Aah!

Ohh!

Pacha

For the last time, it was not a kiss.

Llama Kuzco

Well, whatever you call it. [spits water on the fire] It was disgusting. And to think, if you'd done what I ordered you to do in the first place, we all could have been spared your little kiss of life. [shakes the water out of him, which puts out another fire]

Pacha

Augh!

Llama Kuzco

But now that we're here, you will take me back to the palace, I'll have Yzma change me back, and then I'll start construction on Kuzcotopia. [builds a house with a rock, sticks, and a leaf] Oh, yeah.

Pacha

Okay, now look. I think we got off on the wrong foot here.

Llama Kuzco

Um-hm.

Pacha

I just think if you really thought about it, you'd decide to build your home on a different hilltop.

Llama Kuzco

And why would I do that? [throws the poncho onto the fireplace, which puts out another fire]

Pacha

Because...Deep down, I think you'll realize that you're forcing an entire village out of their homes just for you.

Llama Kuzco

And that's...bad?

Pacha

Well, yeah! Uh, nobody's that heartless.

Llama Kuzco

Mmmm. Now take me back.

Pacha

What? Wait, wait. How can you be this way? All you care about is building your summer home and filling it with stuff for you.

Llama Kuzco

Uh, yeah. Doy. Me. Everyone else in the kingdom gets it. You're the only one that doesn't seem to be with the program. Eh, Pacha?

Pacha

You know, someday you're gonna wind up all alone and you'll have no one to blame but yourself.

Llama Kuzco

Thanks for that, I'll log that away. Now, for the final time, I order you to take me back to the palace.

Pacha

Looks to me like you're stuck out here. Because unless you change your mind, I'm not taking you back.

Llama Kuzco

"Because unless you change your mind, I'm not gonna take you back." Me, me, me. Moo, moo, moo. [throws an acorn at Pacha, who glares at him] Huh? What? I didn't do anything. I didn't do that. Somebody's throwing stuff. You gonna build a fire or what?

Pacha

He's never going to change his mind.

Llama Kuzco

How am I ever gonna get out of here? [muttering, shivering, stops shivering]

And so, it is with great sadness that we mourn the sudden departure of our beloved prince... Taken from us so tragically on the very eve of his 18th birthday.

Kronk

Poor little guy.

His legacy will live on in our hearts for all eternity.

Kronk

He never had a chance.

Well, he ain't getting any deader! [rips off black cloak to reveal a hot pink extravaganza of an outfit] Back to work. [The attendees quickly toss their candles away and get to work renovating the palace]

Kronk, darling, I must admit you had me worried when you mixed up those poisons, but now that Kuzco is dead, all is forgiven.

Kronk

Ah. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's dead, all right. Heh heh. I mean, you can't get much deader than he-- then he is right now. Unless, of course, we killed him again.

I suppose.

Kronk

Hey, look, the royal dresser's here.

Kronk...

Kronk

I should tell you right now I'm kind of hard to fit.

Kronk...

Kronk

I wear a 66 long and a 31 waist.

Kuzco is dead, right? Tell me Kuzco's dead. I need to hear these words.

Kronk

Uh, do you need to hear all those words exactly?

He's still alive?!

Kronk

Well, he's not as dead as we would have hoped.

Kronk!

Kronk

Just thought I'd give you a heads-up, in case Kuzco ever came back.

He can't come back!

Kronk

Yeah, that would be kinda awkward, especially after that lovely eulogy.

You think?! You and I are going out to find him. If he talks, we're through! NOW LET'S MOVE!!!

Tipo

DAD, LOOK OUT!

Chicha

Tipo, what is it?

Tipo

I had a dream that Dad was tied to a log and was careening out of control down a raging river of death!

Chicha

All right, all right, it's okay.

Tipo

It was awful!

Chicha

It's okay, it's okay. Tipo, calm down. It was just a dream. Your dad's fine. He just went back to see the emperor.

Tipo

Oh. Like you told him to, 'cause you're always right.

Chicha

That's right.

Chaca

Well, in my dream, Dad had to kiss a llama.

Tipo

Yeah, like that would ever happen.

Chaca

It could.

Tipo

Nuh-uh.

Chaca

Yeah-huh.

Tipo

Nuh-uh.

Chaca

Yeah-huh.

Good night, you two.

Night, Mom!

Chaca

Yeah-huh. Yeah-huh.

Tipo

Nuh-uh. Nuh-uh.

Kuzco

Yeech.

Pacha

So, there we were standing on the cliff, and the ground started to rumble. And just as it started to go, he grabbed me before I fell. Do you believe that? [Kuzco finds Pacha in a field of llamas; to his herd] You know, call me crazy for following this guy all the way out here, but as much as he tries to deny it, I know there's some good in him. Besides, I couldn't leave him out there by himself. He's a lousy llama. I mean, a really lousy llama. [smiles at Kuzco, who approaches him]

Llama Kuzco

Hey, listen, Pacha, you know, what I said to you back at the diner, that, I didn't really...

Pacha

So, you tired of being a llama?

Llama Kuzco

YES!! [Kuzco and Pacha rush through the village to Pacha's house]

Pacha

Okay, we're just gonna stop at the house and get some supplies.

Llama Kuzco

And we'll be on our way, right?

Pacha

Right!

Hey there, Pacha! Hey, y'know you just missed your relatives.

Pacha

My relatives?

Yeah, we just sent' em up to your house!

Pacha

What did they look like?

Well, you see, there was this big guy and this older woman who was... [to Ipo] Well, how would you describe her?

Eh, scary beyond all reason.

Yeah, that's it.

Chicha

So, remind me again how you're related to Pacha?

Why, I'm his third cousin's brother's wife's step-niece's great-aunt. [Chicha gives her a suspicious stare; chuckles nervously] Twice removed. [sips her tea]

Chicha

Uh-huh.

Isn't that right, Kronk? [Kronk is playing jump rope with Tipo and Chaca]

Chaca

99 monkeys jumping on the bed!

Kronk

One fell off and bumped his head!

Chicha

You know, I am so sorry that you had to come all this way. But, as I said to you before, you may recall, Pacha is not here. I'll be sure to tell him you came by.

Oh, would you, please? That would be just great! [makes an exaggerated gesture that makes her knocks her teacup off the table] Oops. [Nervousness in chuckles] Silly me.

Chicha

No, no. [exhaustively] Allow me. [has trouble picking up a cup while bein' pregnant]

She's hiding something. When I give the word, we search the house.

Kronk

Okay, but I still have 94 monkeys to go.

So, while we're waiting for Paca...

Chicha

Pacha.

Oh, yes, perhaps we can have a tour of your lovely home.

Chicha

Y'know, why don't you just come back when Pacha gets home? I'm sure he'd love to show you the... [sees Pacha out the window signaling her to meet him in private] Well, excuse me, won't you? I think I left something in the oven. [dashes away] What?! [Back to Kronk, who a has a jump rope in each hand while Tipo and Chaca jump]

Kronk

This is my variation of Double Dutch. On the signal, we switch places.

Kronk, it's time.

Kronk

Okay! [With a twirl, Yzma is holding the jump ropes while Kronk is jumping one rope and Tipo and Chaca jump the other; Yzma growls in frustration]

Pacha

So, we have to get back to the palace, find the lab, and change him back.

Llama Kuzco

Hi there! Aah! [Chicha hits him with a frying pan]

Pacha

That was him.

Chicha

Whoops.

Tipo

You know what? I don't believe you're really my great-aunt. You're more like my great-great-great...

Chicha

Go. I'll stall them long enough for you two to get a head start.

Pacha

Thanks, honey.

Llama Kuzco

You have a lovely wife. They're both very pretty.

Tipo

Great-great-great...

Grr! All right! Are you through?

Tipo

...great-great-aunt.

Llama Kuzco

Hey, was it a good idea to leave your family with those two?

Pacha

Oh, don't worry. They can handle themselves.

Chicha

What do you mean the door's stuck? Try jiggling the handle.

There is no handle in here.

Chicha

There's not? Are you sure?

Alright, I've had enough of this. Tell us where the talking llama is, and we'll burn your house to the ground.

Kronk

Uh, don't you mean "or"?

Tell us where the talking llama is, OR we'll burn your house to the ground.

Chaca

Well, which is it? That seems like a pretty crucial conjunction.

That's it! Kronk, break the door down!

Kronk

Break it down? Are you kidding me? This is hand-carved mahogany.

I don't care, you fool! Get out of my way! I'll break it down myself. One!

Chicha

Okay, kids, you know what to do.

Two!

Right, Mom!

Three! [charges through the closet but then slips on a broom held by Tipo, then rides on a wheelbarrow and is covered by honey and feathers; falls out of the wheelbarrow]

Okay, children. On you mark, get set... [Yzma takes the place of the pinata] Go!

Ow! Stop it, you little brats! [sees Kuzco and Pacha making a run for it] THERE THEY GO, KRONK! THEY'RE GETTING AWAY!

Kronk

Ha ha ha! Well, I had a great time. Let's not wait until the next family reunion to get together.

Kronk!

Kronk

I gotta run.