Roger Bart movie quotes

View Quote Hello, the living room of renowned theatrical director Roger Debris, in an elegant eastside townhouse on a sunny Tuesday afternoon in June. Who may I say is calling?
[Got angry] Listen, you broken down old queen, he was drunk, he was hot, you got lucky, don't ever call here again!
[Roger in other room] Who was that!?
Wrong number!

View Quote May I take your hats, your coats, and your Swastikas?

View Quote Roger, We're not alone...

View Quote Are you scared? [Beth silently nods] You **** better be.

View Quote Stuart: Do you think we're sick?
Todd: **** no. Dude, you look anywhere in the world where there's no law... whether it's **** Chad or New Orleans... and this is the shit people are doing, bro. We're the normal ones.
Stuart: Any idea what you're gonna do in there?
Todd: You don't even wanna know. You don't even wanna know.

View Quote Stuart: Isn't it bad luck to toast with water?
Todd: Yeah. Bad luck for whoever meets us today.

View Quote US Attorney: No **** **** has accomplished what the American Mafia hasn't in a hundred years!

View Quote US Attorney: Is it any wonder then, because of your actions, the entire federal narcotics program is now in jeopardy of being dismantled as completely and enthusiastically as that **** transport plane? That's what you've accomplished Mr. Roberts. Single-handedly.
Richie: I had good information the target of my investigation was bringing dope in on that plane.
US Attorney: And that target is?
Richie: Frank Lucas.
US Attorney: Who? Who's Frank Lucas? Who's he work for? Which family?
Richie: He's not Italian. He's black.
US Attorney: Is that supposed to be some kind of joke? You're this close to the end of your career in law enforcement, you're making jokes?
Richie: I believe Frank Lucas is above the mafia in the dope business. I believe he buys direct from the source in Southeast Asia, cuts out all the middlemen, and uses US military planes and personnel to bring pure No. 4 heroin into United States.

View Quote US Attorney: That was a military transport plane. If there was heroin on board then someone in the military would have to be involved. Which means that even as it fights a war that's claimed 50,000 Americans lives, the military is smuggling narcotics. That's how these events are being interpreted by General Easton in that call to me. That someone employed by the this office believes the United States Army is in the drug trafficking business - and is trying to prove it by desecrating the remains of young men who've given their lives in the defense of democracy.
Richie: There are drugs on that plane-
US Attorney: Shut the **** up.

View Quote Oh, I feel like Nancy Drew in the mystery of the mid-life crisis.

View Quote [after he's de-Stepfordized] What am I wearing?

View Quote Joanna: How do I look?
Bobbi: Can I be perfectly honest?
Joanna: Mm-hmmmm.
Bobbi: You kind of look like Betty Crocker.
Joanna: I know.
Roger: At Betty Ford.