Who makes more money?
I do!
Who enters Iron Man triathalons every year and wins?
I do!
Who secretly wishes they were married to a hot sexy lesbian?
I do!
Mace Windu and Amidala.
And Boba Fett?
They were out.
Mom.
Here's $500.
Nice khakis, Walter...
Walter
Thanks, I was experimenting...
Now, I know why they call it *Banana* Republic.
Joanna
Bobbie! Bobbie... this isn't you...
That's right, Joanna! This isn't me, it's a whole new me. I'm happy, and I'm healthy, because I understand what's important in life.
Joanna
Yes, your new book!
That's right! That's what's important, my new cookbook. And my husband, and my family, and making a perfect home. It's a lesson every gal needs to learn, especially you. I'm your friend, Joanna. I'm going to help you. You need me.
Joanna
You stay away from me!
You are driven.
Joanna
Well, sometimes...
And you're selfish! You want to rule the world! I can fix you. I can change you.
Joanna
What... have... they... done... to... you?
Let's get busy!
Joanna
Cupcakes anyone?
Cupcakes?! Hey, right on time. Joe, these are smokin'. [to Bobbie] Why can't you make stuff like this?
Why don't you?
Because I have a penis.
Joanna
How do I look?
Can I be perfectly honest?
Joanna
Mm-hmmmm.
You kind of look like Betty Crocker.
Joanna
I know.
Roger
At Betty Ford.
Joanna
We're trespassing!
Only if we get caught.
Mike
My real name isn't Mike, it's just a nickname from where I used to work.
Joanna
Where?
Mike
Microsoft.
NASA.
Disney.
AOL.
Joanna
Is that why the women are so slow?
I'm going to use a pinecone as the baby Jesus this year.
And I'm going to attach a pinecone to my vibrator and have a really Merry Christmas!
Walter
First of all, we are in the country now. So no more black.
Joanna
No more black? Are you insane?
Walter
You heard me. Only high-powered, neurotic, castrating, Manhattan career bitches wear black. Is that what you want to be?
Joanna
Ever since I was a little girl.
Walter
She's not a robot. She never was. I couldn't do it.
Mike
Why not?
Walter
Because she's not a science project. Because I didn't marry something from RadioShack.
Mike
That's a shame.
Joanna
No, that's a man.
Hey, you guys. Which aisle is quilted paper towels? If I don't get the right kind, my wife's gonna kill me.
Oh, aisle 3 and....
No talking, keep shopping.
Claire
I asked myself, "Where would people never notice a town full of robots?" [gasps] Connecticut.
Roger
Oh, I feel like Nancy Drew in the mystery of the mid-life crisis.
Mike
Only one can survive.