Jerry O'Connell movie quotes

View Quote Gordie: Mickey's a mouse, Donald's a duck, Pluto's a dog. What's Goofy?
Teddy: He's a dog, he's definitely a dog...
Chris: He can't be a dog, he wears a hat and drives a car...
Vern: Yeah, that is weird. What the hell is Goofy?

View Quote Teddy: Have you guys been watching The Mickey Mouse Club lately? I think Annette's tits are getting bigger.
Gordie: Yeah, I've been noticing lately that the "A"and the "E" are starting to bend around the sides.
Vern: Annette's tits are great.
Chris and Teddy: Yeah.
Vern: This is a really good time.
Chris: The most.
Teddy: A blast.
The Writer: [voiceover] Vern didn't just mean being off limits inside the junkyard, or fudging on our folks, or going on a hike up the railroad tracks to Harlow. He meant those things, but it seems to me now it was more and that we all knew it. Everything was there and around us. We knew exactly who we were and exactly where we were going. It was grand.
[Teddy spits water at Vern; Gordie and Chris laugh]
Vern: Great! Spit at the fat kid. Real good. What time is it, Gordie?
Gordie: Um... [checks his watch] It's 1:15.
Vern: We better go get the food. Junkyard opens at 3:00. Chopper will be here.
Chris: Ooh, sic balls.
Teddy: [to Vern] You go. You can pick us up on the way back.
Vern: I'm not going alone. We should all go.
Teddy: I'm stayin' right here.
Gordie: Yeah, man, I'm not goin'. I'm not goin' all the way out there.
Chris: Girls, girls, girls, cool it. We'll flip for it.
Gordie: Okay, odd man goes?
Teddy: That's you, Gordie, odd as a cod.
Gordie: [to Chris] Flip or eat lead.
[The four boys flip their coins, and all have landed tails up]
Vern: Four tails! Oh, Jesus, man, that's a goocher.
Chris: Oh, come on, Vern. That doesn't mean anything. Let's go again.
Vern: No, man, a goocher. That's really bad. Remember when Clint Bracken and those guys got wiped out on Weed Hill in Durham? Billy told me they was flippin' for beers, and they came up with a goocher before they got into the car. And bang! They all got totaled! I don't like this, man, sincerely.
Teddy: Vern-o, nobody believes that crap about moons and goochers. It's baby stuff! Now come on, flip again. [to Vern] You gonna flip, or not?
[They flip their coins again, and this time all show tails except for Gordie]
Teddy: You lose, Gordie! [cackles] Gordie loses! Oh, Gordie just screwed the pooch! [laughs]
Gordie: Does the word "****" mean anything to you?
Teddy: Gordie, go and get the provisions, you morphadite!
Gordie: Don't call me any of your mother's pet names.
[Gordie gets up to leave]
Teddy: What a wet end you are, Lachance!
Gordie: Shut up!
Teddy: I don't shut up.
Vern, Chris, and Teddy: I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up! [They point at each other's open mouths making gagging sounds]
Gordie: And then your mother goes around the corner and she licks it up.
Vern, Chris, and Teddy: Ooh!
The Writer: [voiceover] Finding new and, preferably, disgusting ways to degrade a friend's mother was always held in high regard.

View Quote [The boys have come across a train trestle, and are contemplating crossing it.]
Vern: Any of you guys know when the next train is due?
Chris: We could go down to the Route 136 bridge.
Teddy: What are you, crazy? That's five miles down the river! You walk five miles down the river, you gotta walk five miles back. that could take 'til dark. We go across here, we could get to the same place in ten minutes.
Vern: Yeah, but if a train comes, there's nowheres to go.
Teddy: Hell, there isn't. You just jump.
Chris: Teddy, it's 100 feet.
Vern: Yeah, Teddy.
Teddy: Look, you guys can go around if you want. I'm crossing here. And while you guys are dragging your candy asses halfway across the state and back, I'll be waiting for you on the other side, relaxing with my thoughts.
Gordie: Do you use your left hand or your right hand for that?
Teddy: You wish.
[They start crossing the bridge; Gordie feels the tracks for any vibrations given off by trains; Vern cautiously crawls along the tracks with Gordie walking behind him and the comb falls out of his shirt pocket into the river]
Vern: [disappointedly] I lost the comb.
Gordie: Forget it, Vern. [they continue walking along; Gordie suddenly hears a distant sound and looks back the way they came; he then feels the tracks again, and as he does so, he hears a chugging sound; he looks back in the opposite direction again and sees black smoke coming up from the trees; realizing a train is coming, Gordie stands up to alert the others] TRAAAAIN!!! [Chris and Teddy turn around just in time to see a train coming around the corner from the opposite end of the bridge]
Vern: Oh, shit! [crawls as fast as he can]
Chris: [to Teddy] Move it, man! Go on, move it!
Gordie: [furious with desperation] Get up, Vern! Damn it! GET UP! [gets Vern on his feet as the train starts to come onto the bridge] MOVE IT! [Vern immediately cowers] Shit, Vern! Get up! Come on, man!
Vern: I don't wanna! We're gonna fall!
Gordie: [looking back at the oncoming train] WE'RE GONNA DIE, DAMN IT! GET UP!!!! [Vern gets to his feet] GO! GO! [the two run as fast as they can]
Chris: Go, man! Go!
Gordie: DAMN IT, VERN, GO FASTER!!!!
Vern: I can't, Gordie!
Gordie: Go! [the train gets closer to Gordie and Vern]
Chris: Run! Run! [he and Teddy get off to the side of the tracks as the train gets just inches away from Gordie and Vern] Run. Run, man! Move your ass, man!
Gordie: Move it! Move it! Go, Vern! Come on, man! Vern! Go!
Chris and Teddy: Run! Goddamn it! Run!
Gordie: RUN, VERN! [Chris and Teddy watch with horror; Gordie, thinking quickly, grabs Vern, and the two jump off the side of the bridge just as the train is about to hit them; as the train passes, Chris and Teddy run over to the end of the bridge and see Gordie and Vern disheveled but unharmed]
Chris: Hey, at least now we know when the next train was due.

View Quote (trying to find the address where he is assigned to collect urinal cakes) East 161st Street and River Avenue? East 161st Street and River Avenue! (he finds it only to realize it's Yankee Stadium)

View Quote (finding a cockroach on a half-eaten sandwich) That is the biggest, greasiest bug I've ever seen. (The cockroach flies off and Joe shrugs before taking a bite out of the sandwich)

View Quote [after saving Ralph's life from the cat] Yeah? Well, stop following me to work already! For god's sake.

View Quote Andrew: [watching Danni and Crystal swim naked] Check it out, they're fish with boobies.
Derrick Jones: Oh, if fish looked like that, I would **** fish. I would only **** fish!

View Quote Derrick Jones: Jake, they took my penis! They took my penis!

View Quote Laura Forester: You talk funny.
Derrick Jones: Yeah, well, you're short.