The Writer [voiceover]
As time went on we saw less and less of Teddy and Vern until eventually they became just two more faces in the halls. That happens sometimes. Friends come in and out of your life like busboys in a restaurant.
5th most-quoted character in Stand by Me (1986): in 8 of its 21 quotes
Most scenes with: Gordie (5), Chris (4), Teddy (3)
I was twelve going on thirteen first time I saw a dead human being. It happened in the summer of 1959. A long time ago. But only if you measure in terms of years. I was living in a small town in Oregon called Castle Rock. There were only 1281 people, but to me it was the whole world.
More lines from The Writer
2 quotes The Writer The Writer [typing, about Chris]
Although I haven't seen him in more than ten years I know I'll miss him forever. I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anybody?
Scenes with The Writer
5 scenes
Hey, Vern, looks like your mom's been out driving again.
That's so funny, I forgot to laugh.
Stand back, men! Paratroops, over the side! [the boys toss their bags over the fence, then begin scaling it]
The Writer [voiceover]
"No trespassing" was enforced by Milo Pressman, the junkman, and his dog, Chopper, the most feared and least seen dog in Castle Rock. Legend had it that Milo had trained Chopper, not just to sic, but to sic specific parts of the human anatomy. Thus, a kid, who had illegally scaled the junkyard fence, might hear the dread cry, "Chopper, sic balls." But right now, neither the dread, Chopper, nor Milo was anywhere in sight.
Have you guys been watching The Mickey Mouse Club lately? I think Annette's tits are getting bigger.
Yeah, I've been noticing lately that the "A"and the "E" are starting to bend around the sides.
Annette's tits are great.
Chris and Teddy
Yeah.
This is a really good time.
The most.
A blast.
The Writer [voiceover]
Vern didn't just mean being off limits inside the junkyard, or fudging on our folks, or going on a hike up the railroad tracks to Harlow. He meant those things, but it seems to me now it was more and that we all knew it. Everything was there and around us. We knew exactly who we were and exactly where we were going. It was grand.
[Teddy spits water at Vern; Gordie and Chris laugh]
Great! Spit at the fat kid. Real good. What time is it, Gordie?
Um... [checks his watch] It's 1:15.
We better go get the food. Junkyard opens at 3:00. Chopper will be here.
Ooh, sic balls.
I'm not going alone. We should all go.
I'm stayin' right here.
Yeah, man, I'm not goin'. I'm not goin' all the way out there.
Girls, girls, girls, cool it. We'll flip for it.
Okay, odd man goes?
That's you, Gordie, odd as a cod.
[The four boys flip their coins, and all have landed tails up]
Four tails! Oh, Jesus, man, that's a goocher.
Oh, come on, Vern. That doesn't mean anything. Let's go again.
No, man, a goocher. That's really bad. Remember when Clint Bracken and those guys got wiped out on Weed Hill in Durham? Billy told me they was flippin' for beers, and they came up with a goocher before they got into the car. And bang! They all got totaled! I don't like this, man, sincerely.
Vern-o, nobody believes that crap about moons and goochers. It's baby stuff! Now come on, flip again. [to Vern] You gonna flip, or not?
[They flip their coins again, and this time all show tails except for Gordie]
You lose, Gordie! [cackles] Gordie loses! Oh, Gordie just screwed the pooch! [laughs]
Does the word "****" mean anything to you?
Gordie, go and get the provisions, you morphadite!
Don't call me any of your mother's pet names.
Shut up!
I don't shut up.
Vern, Chris, and Teddy
I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up! [They point at each other's open mouths making gagging sounds]
And then your mother goes around the corner and she licks it up.
Vern, Chris, and Teddy
Ooh!
The Writer [voiceover]
Finding new and, preferably, disgusting ways to degrade a friend's mother was always held in high regard.
Milo HEY! Hey, you kid! What are you doing there?! Come over here! [Gordie starts running] You! You come back here! COME BACK HERE, GODDAMMIT! I'LL SIC MY DOG ON YOU!
Vern, Chris, and Teddy
RUN, GORDIE, RUN! RUN, GORDIE!
Milo Chopper! Sic him! Sic him, boy!
The Writer [voiceover]
Now he said, "Sic him, boy." But what I heard was, "Chopper, sic balls."
[Gordie keeps running and starts screaming as Chopper goes after him. Gordie scales the fence and Chopper tries to jump after him. The boys are surprised by Chopper's appearance]
That's Chopper?
The Writer [voiceover]
Chopper was my first lesson in the vast difference between myth and reality.
Come on, Choppy! Kiss my ass, Choppy, kiss my ass! Come on! [Chopper starts biting Teddy's shirt] Bite shit!
Come on, Choppy! Sic balls, Choppy!
Milo Hey, you kids! STOP TEASING THAT DOG! YA HEAR ME?! STOP TEASING HIM! [to Teddy] Sonny, I'm gonna beat your ass, teasing my dog like that!
Yeah? I'd like to see you try to climb over this fence and get me, fat-ass!
Milo Don't you call me that, you little tin weasel. Peckerwood loony's son.
What did you call me?
Milo I know who you are. You're Teddy Duchamp. Your dad's a loony. A loony up in the nuthouse at Togus. He took your ear and he put it to a stove and he burnt it off.
My father stormed the beach at Normandy.
Milo He's crazier than a shithouse rat. No wonder you're acting the way you are, with a loony for a father!
You call my dad a loony again, and I'll kill you.
Milo [mockingly]
Loony, loony, loony.
[yells and jumps on the fence]
I'M GONNA RIP YOUR HEAD OFF AND SHIT DOWN YOUR NECK!!!! I'M GONNA KILL HIM!!!! [the other boys restrain him]
Milo You come on and try it, you little slimy bastard!
He wants you to go over there so he can beat the piss out of you and then take you to the cops!
Milo You watch your mouth, smart guy! Let him do his own fighting!
Sure, you only outweigh him by 500 pounds, fat-ass!
Milo I know your name. You're Lachance. I know all you guys. And all your fathers are gonna get a call from me, except for the loony up in Togus.
Milo You little foul-mouthed whoremaster!
YOU SON OF A BITCH! I'LL KILL YOU! [the boys begin walking away]
Milo Come back here! Come back here, you hear me?!
Nobody ranks out my old man!
Milo Come back here!
My father stormed the beach at Normandy!
Milo I said come back here!
HE STORMED THE BEACH, YOU ****!
Milo Come back here!
I'm never gonna get out of this town am I, Gordie?
You can do anything you want, man.
Yeah, sure. Give me some skin.
I'll see ya.
Not if I see you first.
The Writer [voiceover]
Chris did get out. He enrolled in the college courses with me, and although it was hard, he gutted it out like he always did. He went on to college and eventually became a lawyer. Last week, he entered a fast food restaurant. Just ahead of him, two men got into an argument; one of them pulled a knife. Chris, who'd always made the best peace, tried to break it up. He was stabbed in the throat. He died almost instantly.
About Stand by Me (film)[edit]
The Writer [voiceover]
As time went on, we saw less and less of Teddy and Vern until, eventually, they became just two more faces in the halls. Happens sometimes, friends come in and out of your life like busboys in a restaurant. I heard that Vern got married out of high school, had four kids, and is now the forklift operator at the Arseno Lumberyard. Teddy tried several times to get into the Army, but his eyes and his ear kept him out. Last I heard, he had spent some time in jail and was now doing odd jobs around Castle Rock.
I'm never gonna get out of this town, am I, Gordie?
You can do anything you want, man.
Yeah. Sure.
Not if I see you first.
The Writer [voiceover]
Chris did get out. He enrolled in the college courses with me and, although, it was hard, he gutted it out like he always did. He went on to college and, eventually, became a lawyer. Last week, he entered a fast-food restaurant. Just ahead of him, two men got into an argument. One of them pulled a knife. Chris, who had always made the best peace, tried to break it up. He was stabbed in the throat. He died almost instantly. [typing on his computer] Although I hadn't seen him in more than ten years, I know I'll miss him forever.
Gordon's Son: Dad, can we go now?
The Writer You ready?
Gordon's Son: Yeah, we've been ready for an hour.
The Writer [laughs]
Okay, I'll be right there.
His Friend
He said that a half hour ago.
Gordon's Son: Yeah, my dad's weird. He gets like that when he's writing.
The Writer [Continues typing]
I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was 12. Jesus, does anyone?
Other characters in Stand by Me
More Richard Dreyfuss characters
Matt Hooper
Roy Neary
Centipede
Curt Henderson
Elliot Garfield
The Player
Glenn Holland
Dr. Leo Marvin