Elliot Garfield I will bring home anyone or anything I chose including a one-eyed Episcopalian Kangaroo if that happens to be kinky inclination.
after being told not to bring any female guests into the apartment
Most-quoted character in The Goodbye Girl (1977): in 15 of its 15 quotes
Most scenes with: Lucy McFadden (3), Paula McFadden (3)
I play the guitar whenever I cannot sleep, and I meditate every morning, complete with chanting and burning incense, so if you have to walk around I'd appreciate a little tiptoeing. Also: I sleep in the nude. "Au buffo." Winter and summer, rain or snow, with the windows open. And because I may have to go to the potty or to the fridge in the middle of the night, and because I do not want to put on jammies which I do not own in the first place, unless you're looking for a quick thrill or your daughter an advanced education I'd keep my door closed.
More lines from Elliot Garfield
9 quotes Elliot Garfield Elliot Garfield If you were a Broadway musical, people would be humming your face.
Elliot Garfield "It never occurred to us that William Shakespeare wrote the Wizard of Oz. However, Elliot Garfield makes a splended Wicked Witch of the North." Tacky. Tacky. Well, if they're gonna kill me. Let 'em kill me with panache.
reading a review of his disasterous Richard III performance
Elliot Garfield Miss McFadden, today I begin rehearsals for my first New York play. It will be the most important day of my life. Am I nervous? No, I am not nervous. For I have meditated. I am relaxed. I am calm. I am confident. You, on the other hand, have not meditated, and therefore you are a pain in the ass.
Elliot Garfield My careereth is over. I am making a horseth asseth of myselfeth. Mark, I'm begging you. I'm BEGGING you. You want this kind of performance? Let me play Lady Anne.
during a rehearsal of Richard III in which his director has made him play the title character as a flamboyant homosexual
Elliot Garfield What is it about you that makes a man with a hundred forty-seven I.Q. feel like a dribbling idiot?
Elliot Garfield You know I liked you from the first time I met you when you answered the door. I said to myself, "This is the best half-a-face I ever saw!"
Elliot Garfield You know I love listening to you talk. I hate living with you but your conversation is first rate.
Elliot Garfield You're not the only one who can yell rape, you know.
Scenes with Elliot Garfield
5 scenes Elliot Garfield I happen to have a lease in my pocket. Are you gonna honor it or what?
I have a daughter in my bedroom. That tops the lease in your pocket.
I thought you said you were decent.
Elliot Garfield I am decent. I also happen to be naked.
What's that?
Sounds like God.
I smell strawberries burning.
That's incense.
What's incense?
It is what I am feeling right now.
upon awaking at dawn to Elliot's chanting
Congratulations!
Elliot Garfield For what?
I didn't know what else to say.
after Elliot's play flops
Elliot Garfield That's okay. Now I'm free to take that other job.
What other job?
Elliot Garfield I'm looking, I'm looking!
after hearing that his play has closed
