"It never occurred to us that William Shakespeare wrote the Wizard of Oz. However, Elliot Garfield makes a splended Wicked Witch of the North." Tacky. Tacky. Well, if they're gonna kill me. Let 'em kill me with panache.
reading a review of his disasterous Richard III performance
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Elliot Garfield Miss McFadden, today I begin rehearsals for my first New York play. It will be the most important day of my life. Am I nervous? No, I am not nervous. For I have meditated. I am relaxed. I am calm. I am confident. You, on the other hand, have not meditated, and therefore you are a pain in the ass.
Elliot Garfield My careereth is over. I am making a horseth asseth of myselfeth. Mark, I'm begging you. I'm BEGGING you. You want this kind of performance? Let me play Lady Anne.
during a rehearsal of Richard III in which his director has made him play the title character as a flamboyant homosexual Elliot Garfield What is it about you that makes a man with a hundred forty-seven I.Q. feel like a dribbling idiot?
during a rehearsal of Richard III in which his director has made him play the title character as a flamboyant homosexual Elliot Garfield What is it about you that makes a man with a hundred forty-seven I.Q. feel like a dribbling idiot?
The Goodbye Girl
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