Kuni (and other karate experts) SUH-PLIIEES!!
Most-quoted role: Kuni in UHF (1989), 4 quotes
MoviesUHF (1989) as Kuni
Kuni (and other karate experts) Kuni Today, One of these lucky contestant wins his or her weight of fish. Right here on......
Audience
WHEEL! OF! FISH!
Kuni Okay, Let's play the game! We start with yesterday's winner, Mrs. Phyllis Weaver.
How could you do this to me? I knew this was gonna happen.
You're right, Bob. I'm sorry. What can I say? I-I'm a miserable worthless hunk of slime. Here, I want you to take this crowbar and just bash my head right in. Go ahead. Really. Just BASH my head right in.
George, you know I can't do that. You still owe me 5 bucks.
Hey, Kuni!
Kuni Hiya, George!
Beginner's class today, huh?
Kuni Yeah! They're so stupid! [A karate student is thrown out the window, it smashes and he falls to the pavement] STUPID!!!
You idiot! Can't you do anything I tell you to do?! Does this look like a Number 2 pencil?!
No... but... I just thought --
You thought?! I don't [snaps pencil in two] pay you to think!
But, Dad...
SHUT UP!
Mulan (1998) as Ling
Ling Boy, was I a fool in school for cutting gym!
Order! People, order!
Soldier #1
I'd like a pan-fried noodle!
Ooh, ooh. Sweet and pungent shrimp.
Soldier #2
Moo goo gai pan!
That's not funny.
Ling Looks like our new friend slept in this morning. Why, hello, Ping. Are ya hungry?
Yeah, 'cause I owe you a knuckle sandwich.
This is such a bad idea. What if somebody sees you?
Just because I look like a man doesn't mean I have to smell like one.
So a couple of guys don't rinse out their socks. Picky, picky, picky. Well, myself, I kind of like that cornchip smell.
All right. That's enough. Get out before you get all pruny and stuff.
Mushu, if you're so worried, go stand watch.
Yeah, yeah. [talking and acting like a girl] Stand watch, Mushu, while I blow our secret with my stupid girl habits. Pfft, Hygiene.
Me first! Me first! Me first!
[seeing Yao, Ling, and Chien Po run to the lake where Mulan is bathing]
Oh, we're doomed! There are a couple things I know they're bound to notice!
[Mulan seeing Yao, Ling, in the lake, at the waterhole, and Chien Po got big toe in the water, but then he jumps in the lake and waves to them, there always plays splash out to Mulan, the frog jumps out the lily pad in the lake]
Hey, Ping.
Oh, hi, guys. I didn't know you were here. I was just washing, so now I'm clean, and I'm gonna go. Bye-bye.
Ling Come back here. I knew we were jerks to you before, so let's start over. Hi, I'm Ling.
And I'm Chien-Po.
Hello, Chien-Po.
[standing on a rock]
And I am Yao, king of the rock! And there's nothin' you girls can do about it!
Ling Oh, yeah? Well, I think Ping and I can take you.
I really don't want to take him anywhere.
Ling Ping, we have to fight.
No, we don't. We could just...close our eyes...and - swim around...
Ling Come on, don't be such a- [Mushu bites Ling on each leg] Ouch! Something bit me.
Ugh! Ach! What a nasty flavor.
Ling SNAKE! [he and Chien Po scramble onto the rock with Yao]
OOOH, SNAKE!
SNAKE! SNAKE!
Ling [Mulan sneaks away, she whistling to Khan, and Khan bring Mulan and Mushu comes out the lake while done bathing]
Some king of the rock. [Yao shoves him off the rock and onto the water]
Boy, that was close.
No. [brushes his teeth with the toothpaste in his mouth] That was vile. You owe me big! [spits it out and squirts more toothpaste in his mouth and brushes again]
I never want to see another naked man again.
[A big group of naked men run past them, laughing]
Hey, don't look at me, I ain't biting no more butts.
Long Duk Dong No more yanky my wanky The Donger need food!
Long Duk Dong Oh, sexy girlfriend!
Long Duk Dong What's happenin', hot stuff?