I can't wait to get my drink on. And get my dance on. And... Just those two things. Denise.
Meghan. Meghan! Meghan Miles. Either she's not home or she's ignoring us.
Or she's incapacitated, tied up... or maybe she had a stroke or a seizure or something.
Denise, this is Brentwood. Nothing bad ever happens in Brent... Oh, my God, O.J. Simpson. I just remembered that. Yeah.
Honey, you are not back on the farm in Texas. You cannot just leave your door unlocked.
Meghan Hey, party girls. What's up? What do you want to drink? I have tap water. Wait.
Wait, what's going on? Where's Kyle?
Meghan He's at the supermarket.
And, um, where's all your stuff?
Meghan Oh. Um... Kyle took it all to the supermarket. The supermercado. He's gone. He, um... He said he didn't know who I was anymore, and then he left and he took everything.
That's so weird. When is he coming back? Why did you not tell us?
Meghan I don't know. I'm sorry. Rosie, I just...
Yeah, but, honey, we're your friends. We're not gonna judge you.
Meghan Hang on. It's Dan.
B Boss
Meghan, don't freak out, but they're going with Wendy Chang. Meghan, are you okay?
Meghan Chang!
This is such a terrible time for Kyle to not be here.
Meghan They gave it to Wendy Chang. She's an anchor in San Francisco.
There you go, honey. That's a diversity hire. Asian. What can you do about that?
Meghan She's not even Asian. She's adopted. She has red **** hair. I'm sorry. That was mean. Good for her. No.
Screw Chang. You are the best.
Yeah. No one reads the news like you, Meghan.
We're going to sit down and come up with a plan to fix your life. Okay, guys, no more pity party.
Meghan It's fine.So go. I'll be fine. I'm just gonna stay here and catch up on Idol.
No! We're not gonna leave you here. You don't even have your dog.
Meghan Technically, it was Kyle's dog.
Who cares? Forget it. Get a cat.
Meghan Ew. That's gross. Cats hate me.You know that.
People say cats are clean, but they're really filthy.
Meghan I am sorry, okay? Whatever.
I'm gonna take you to a club, you're gonna meet some young stupid hot guy, and you're gonna take all your anger and aggression out on his penis.
Meghan I don't know, I don't do that with penises. I'm more of a relationship type of girl.
We're taking you out. Come on. Let's go.
Fine, but I'm wearing these sweatpants.
No. You're gonna wear something slutty, like Denise.
I don't own anything slutty like Denise.
Denise, give Meghan your dress.
No buts. You can wear one of her pantsuits.
Meghan Why is it so loud in here?
Isn't it great? This is what you need.
Meghan Shots time. Already?
Yup, that's right. Throw it back. Unless you're too soft.
Meghan Pookie, I can't take your crack.
P Pookie
It's worth about $10 on the street. But don't smoke it. It normally doesn't end well, at least for me.
Meghan Pookie, I cannot take your crack.
P Pookie
No. No, no. I insist. Please. When a crackhead gives you his crack, you have his heart right there. Just remember, shout out your boy Pookie next time you're on air, okay?
Meghan Um, okay. [Starts walking away]
P Pookie
And don't forget to shout out Scrilla and Hulk--
Meghan Yup. [Continues walking]]
P Pookie
and Skip, Skip-a-doo, Treezy, B-Bow-- not to be confused with G-Bow-- Little Markeese and also my Uncle Joseph.
Meghan Sure. [Continues walking]
P Pookie
He's locked down in Chino.
Meghan Okay. [Continues walking]
P Pookie
Oh, and Meghan Miles?
Meghan Yeah? [Really far away]
Meghan Be well too. [Continues walking]
Meghan Hey, I don't wanna waste anyone's time. I'm gonna assume that you're a crack dealer. And, um, I was wondering if you wanted a little more...
FD Figueroa dealer
A little more what?
Meghan [Whispering]
A little more crack. You know, like, maybe I could cash it in for some money.
FD Figueroa dealer
You wanna sell me crack?
Meghan Well, I technically don't wanna sell it because I think that that's wrong. But I was hoping that maybe make a return or something.
FD Figueroa dealer
Oh. Okay. A return. Yeah. You got the receipt? The, Uh, or maybe the box it came in?
Meghan Oh, come on, man, I just have the crack.
FD Figueroa dealer
Oh, you just got the crack?
Meghan Yeah, that's all I have. And I just thought, you know, you could add it to your stash...
FD Figueroa dealer
Uh-huh.
Meghan ...give me, like, 10 bucks, and then you can sell it for more, and that's good business.
FD Figueroa dealer
You don't walk into McDonald's with your own hamburgers... and try to sell it to 'em. You know why? Because they already got their own hamburgers. They're not gonna look at your hamburgers and be like, "Oh, shit. She's got hamburgers. That looks like a good deal. Maybe I could buy 'em, turn around and sell 'em for twice as much."
Meghan Crack is all the same, right? It's just this little thing.
FD Figueroa dealer
Put that shit away. What the **** you doing, trying to set me up?
Meghan I'm saying that it would be very easy to pass off as your own crack. It's probably all from the same place, isn't it? I technically got it from Pookie who, I'm sure, got it from Scrilla.
FD Figueroa dealer
Scrilla?
Meghan Yeah, yeah. It's his crack.
FD Figueroa dealer
You wanna unload Scrilla's shit on my corner, pass it off as my own? You got a death wish, lady? Yo, Ladeke! [Whistles]
Meghan What?! Who's Ladeke?! [Starts running]
FD Figueroa dealer
Deal with this shit! School this bitch right now! [To Meghan] You're in the wrong territory! This is the Figueroa Crew, man!
Meghan I'm going!
FD Figueroa dealer
No, no, no, no, no. I'm not done with you!
Meghan [Spots city transit bus]
I'm getting on the bus! [Runs after bus]
FD Figueroa dealer
Come back here, man. You wanna disrespect me? Yo, Ladeke, what am I, a sparrow? When I whistle, you got to respond!
OW Old woman
[To Meghan riding on bus without paying fare]
Shame.
Meghan Are-- Are you talking to me?
OW Old woman
Have you no shame?
Meghan I don't know who you think you are, Judgey Judgey Judgeyson,
...
OW Old woman
Why don't you get your pimp to drive you? These are good people!
Meghan Oh, I'm sorry. I missed the sign "good people only." How do you know what is in my soul?
...
BD Bus driver
Listen. I'm gonna give you some advice.
Meghan Sure.
BD Bus driver
You might wanna think about another line of work, 'cause you ain't no good at this. If you ain't even got $1.50, you probably should think about retiring as a whore. And if you do scrape up $1.50, use it to buy yourself a sandwich. That's the reason you can't turn no tricks-- 'cause you ain't got no meat on your bones. Now, that advice was free.
[Bus driver maces Meghan, she runs off the bus, slams into a metal sliding and falls down, with the bus driver bowing to applauding bus riders]
B Boy
Lady, what are you doing with my bike?
Meghan I'm really, really sorry. But I'm gonna need to borrow your bike. I got to get to my car. I got to get my life back. Have you ever had one of those days... where everything you do just goes wrong? And no matter how hard you try or how good your intentions, life just keeps beating, beating you down, huh? Well, I could really use a friend right now. So if you just let me borrow your bike, I'll have it back to you in no time. Really, I promise. It would just be so great if you could help me out.
Meghan Oh, kid. You're an angel.
B Boy
Show me your boobs and I'll let you borrow my bike. Boobies.
Meghan I had higher hopes for you. Yeah, let's go. Get over here. Come on. All right, get in close. Close your eyes first. [Pushes boy in the forehead and rides away on bike] I'm calling your mother!
IW Impound Woman
Are you trying to bribe me?
Meghan No.
IW Impound Woman
That's a shame. You know, I'm thinking Quiznos for lunch today.
Meghan How much?
Meghan Quiznos does not cost $500!
...
Meghan [Meghan has snuck into the impound lot and discovers her purse has been stolen from the vehicle by a smashed window]
****!... This!
Meghan [Meghan is driving her impounded vehicle illegally out of the lot with the sliding gate slowly closing]
Yeah! Suck it, lady!
Meghan [Impound woman is watching CCTV and has sprung the anti-tire spiket Daves, popping Meghan's tires and the vehicle is slowly rolling on bare rims]
Come on. Go. Come on. Go. Come on. Go, go, go, go. Come on. Come on. No, no, no, no, no.
[Vehicle is pincered between the sliding gates and Gordon knocks on Meghan's window]
I know you. You're stuck again.
Meghan You gonna--
Hi. I'm Gordon. I'm-- From last night. How you doing?
Meghan How you doing?
