Now I want y'all to repeat after me: penis, penis, penis; vagina, vagina, vagina!
Charlie Tweeder
Scott Caan · 11 quotes
Jonathon "Mox' Moxon
James Van Der Beek · 11 quotes
Coach Bud Kilmer
Jon Voight · 8 quotes
Billy Bob
Ron Lester · 6 quotes
Miss Davis
Tonie Perensky · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Jonathon "Mox' Moxon & Charlie Tweeder (3), Jonathon "Mox' Moxon & Billy Bob (2), Charlie Tweeder & Billy Bob (2)
Varsity Blues quotes
Page 1 of 3
Sam Moxon
I raised you to be a winner, so dammit boy, win!
Sam Moxon
I'm really proud about Brown son, but I need to talk to you about Gilroy.
I sure do love that dog.
I think it's a pig.
Yeah.
Hey you wanna see the new Tweeder end zone dance?
What?
The new Tweeder end zone dance.
Say I'm stupid and I'm about to get hit in the nuts.
That's funny.
Ain't it funny? That's what I mean. See they need to change the name of the show to America's funniest shots in the nuts.
Will you listen to me? Bitches are all just panty droppers. You understand? That's it.
What?
Listen. You give 'em Percocet, two Vicoden and a couple of beers, and the panties drop. It's very nice.
It's nice.
Tweeder, you think you'll enjoy prison?
Darcy Baby I got so excited thinking about next year and Florida state and the future, I think I need to be your wide receiver.
Lance Here baby.
Darcy Well not "here" here, but somewhere here.
Jules Hi. What do you want?
I'm really sorry. I really need to talk to you.
Jules It's late.
I got into Brown today. Full academic scholarship.
Jules Jonnie, that's great! I'm so proud of you. What? What's wrong?
Kilmer's threatening to **** up my scholarship if I don't play by his rules tomorrow.
Jules Then quit.
Can't.
Jules Then play.
You don't understand.
Jules It's just a football game.
No, it's not. If it was just football I'd play. I love football when it's pure, but this...This isn't pure.
Jules You're right. I don't understand.
If I play for Kilmer tomorrow and we win, he wins. Everyone in West Canaan will go on believing he's the best coach that ever lived. Yeah. What about the next team he coaches? And the one after that? What if my little brother ends up playing for him? I would be buying into everything that's wrong with this town.
Jules You want some cheese with that whine?
What?
Jules You're a whiner. Why don't you just step up and play the hero?
A hero?
Jules Come on, Mox. You're a football guy. You're gonna tell me you don't know about heroes?
Yeah, but heroes win. What if I lose?
Can anyone tell me a common slang term for the male erection?
Student
Boner? Is boner one?
Yes! Boner is good, boner is very good!
Mo Moxon
Kyle, did you start a cult?
Kyle
Yup.
Mo Moxon
That is so sweet!
I'm a good boy. I've always been good. What's my upside to being good? [looks at a box of condoms] I'm 18 years old. It's not like I'm married to her. She invited me over. I'm just being polite, right Kyle? Kyle?
Kyle
I only answer to one name. Ali-Actabaor-Shabaz-Da.
That's a bunch of names.
Kyle
There is only one God. All praise and honor be to Allah.
Yeah. Well, would Allah nail Darcy if he had the chance? I think so.
The male erection? Uh, pitchin' a tent, sportin' wood, icicle has formed, the march is on; stiff, stiffie, Mr. Mortis, Rigger Mortis has set in; uh, flesh rocket, Jack's magic beanstalk, tall Tommy, mushroom on a stick, Mr. Mushroom Head, purple-headed yogurt-slinger...and, uh, Pedro.
Pedro?
Mmhmm.
Police Officer: These kids, they're just running around wild these days. Them kids last night, they stole a cop car.
Bar Man
No.
Police Officer
Yes! Them boys been exposing themselves.
Bar Man
Exposing themselves?
Police Officer
Yes. They put them wieners on the glass at the Alano Club, while the ladies were rehearsing the Christmas pageant.
Bar Man
They put them wieners on the glass at the Alano Club?
[a trainer is about to administer a shot to Wendell's knee]
Hey coach, I heard a pop. I... you know, I think he's hurt pretty bad.
Get outta here! Y'all wouldn't know anything about it! Dedication, team play!
Lance [bursting in on crutches]
But I would. Don't do it, Wendell... it's not worth it, man.
You gonna listen to that from a gimp... who's praying that we lose so he can be the missing link?
Wendell
Maybe I shouldn't do it.
Lance [to Wendell]
Don't do it.
...before I lose my temper! [grabs Lance] Get out!
Don't do it.
That needle goes anywhere near Wendell's leg, I swear to God, on my mother's grave, I will rip your arms off and beat you to death with them!
This has to do with all of us. We kill ourselves for you. Year round, we play hurt, we play sick, and we spend most of that time scared that we're gonna screw up and you're gonna kick our ass because you... [Kilmer attempts to close the door in Mox's face, but Mox stops it] ...don't really give a **** about us! All you care about is your next district title.
[to the trainer, at halftime in the trainer's room, with Wendell on the table]
Give him the shot!
If you give him that shot, you can find yourself another **** quarterback.
You about ready to lose that scholarship, boy?
If it keeps that needle out of his leg? Absolutely.
Good.
**** it, I'm out.
That's good! That's good! Finally! Tweeder, you take the snaps.
No, I won't. I'm out, Coach.
What did you say?
I'm with them.
The only way we're going back out on that field is without you.