Van Wilder quotes from Van Wilder (2002)

Van Wilder

Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere.

Van Wilder

Are you stalking me? 'Cause that would be super.

Van Wilder

Hey, look. That old bag is stronger than she looks.

Van Wilder

And thus, 'Topless Tutors' was born.

Van Wilder

Sharing a half-calf latte and a penalty box with Gwen Pearson who believes that censorship reflects society's lack of confidence in itself.

Van Wilder

Don't be a fool, stay in school.

Van Wilder

Don't be a fool, wrap your tool.

Van Wilder

I didn't realize that I was nothing more to you than some flacid story.

Van Wilder

You must be Pre-Med Dick.

Van Wilder

Her name is Naomi. That's 'I MOAN' backwards.

Van Wilder

If he's here, who's running Hell?

Van Wilder

Richard, you rascal, you never told me you were a DIK! [under breath] Not that you had to.

Van Wilder

I'd like you to meet Sherri and Terri. Two girls utterly infatuated with men who have larger than normal... medulla oblongata's.

Van Wilder

Well, it is the NAKED mile run; everyone else will be in their birthday suits. Except for that guy...

Van Wilder

Write that down.

Van Wilder

Those circus midgets can NOT hold their booze!

Van Wilder

All this time I thought I was more to you than some flaccid story.

Van Wilder

I learned a long time ago you can't treat every situation like it's life and death. Cause you'll die a lot of times.

Van Wilder

Sometimes you gotta let your heart lead you, even if you know it's someplace you know you're not supposed to be.

Van

Blue. It brings out your eyes. Kid's got killer eyes; not unlike yourself. Anyone ever tell you that?

Gwen

Yes, my boyfriend.

Van

Now, repeat after me. No **** pump...

Taj

No **** pump.

McDoogle

Ok, Wilder. Let's dance.

Van

It's a good day to die, McDoogle.