Pull my string! The birthday party's today? Okay, everybody! Coast is clear.
[Woody watches as various other toys in the room come to life, including Mr. Potato Head] [puts his hat and nose back in their respective places]
Ages 3 and up. It's on my box. Ages 3 and up. I'm not supposed to be babysitting Princess Drool.
[The toys bustle about whilst they walk and talk. Hamm the Piggy bank is putting his coins back into his slot. Mr. Potato Head comes with his parts all mixed up]
Hey, Hamm. Look, I'm Picasso!
I don't get it. [walks away]
You uncultured swine! What're you looking at, ya hockey puck?
[He walks off, leaving the hockey puck with arms and legs confused]
Hey, Sarge, have you seen Slinky?
Okay. Hey, thank you. At ease. [jumps down from the bed and looks around] Hey, uh, Slinky?
[Slinky, a dog with a slinky spring between his head and back appears, pushing a checker board from under the bed]
Right here, Woody. I'm red this time.
Oh, well, all right. You can be red if you want.
N-Not now, Slink. I got some bad news.
[holds Slinky's mouth shut]
Shhh! [The toys stop and look at Woody, and Slinky] Just gather everyone up for a staff meeting and be happy.
Staff meeting, everybody! Snake, Robot, podium duty.
R Robot
[Snake hides under the bed]
Hey!
[He reaches under the bed and brings Snake out. An Etch-a-Sketch walks past Woody who stops in a Western battle way]
Hey, Etch. Draw!
[They draw with Etch sketching a picture of a gun]
Oh! Got me again. Etch, you've been working on that draw. Fastest knobs in the West.
Got a staff meeting, you guys. Come on, let's go.
[The toys follow Slinky while Woody looks around]
Now, where is that... Oh. Hey, who moved my doodle pad way over here?
[Then Rex jumps up and roars at Woody]
Roaaaaar!
[unimpressed]
How're you doin', Rex?
[stops roaring, calmly]
Were ya scared? Tell me honestly.
I was close to being scared that time.
I'm going for fearsome here, but I just don't feel it. I think I'm just coming across off as annoying.
[Woody is grabbed by a crook and pulled towards Bo Peep] [coughs]
Ow! Oh, hi, Bo. Hi.
[sweetly yet flirtatiously]
I wanted to thank you, Woody, for saving my flock.
Oh, hey, it was, uh, nothing.
What do you say I get someone else to watch the sheep tonight?
[giggling sheepishly]
Oh, yeah! [mutters]
Remember, I'm just a couple of blocks away.
[She walks off, leaving Woody baffled]
Come on, come on. Smaller toys up front. [A bull dog egg toy lets four other egg toys out] Hey, Woody, come on.
[Woody jumps onto the bed and looks at Sarge]
Sergeant, establish a recon post downstairs. Code Red! You know what to do.
S Sarge
Yes, sir! [jumps down from the table and onto one of the drawers] All right, men. You heard him. Code Red! Repeat, we are at Code Red. Recon plan Charlie. Execute! Let's move! Move, move, move, move!
[The Green Army Men jump from the bucket and head out the door, carrying some rope and a baby monitor with them. Sarge looks over the landing with his binoculars to see Andy and his friends heading for the living room to begin opening presents and his mom heading to the kitchen]
Okay, come on, kids. Everyone in the living room. It's almost time for the presents.
[Sarge motions two parachuters to jump and open the parachutes to glide down to the floor. They look around the hall to make sure no one is around and signal for the rope to be lowered down and the rest of the Army Men slide down the rope to the floor. The toys move over to the lamp table where Woody is setting up the monitor]
All right, gangway, gangway.
[turns on the monitor]
And this is how we find out what is in those presents.
[The Army Men walk across the hall when they hear a door closing, Jennifer coming as her footsteps are getting louder]
Okay, who's hungry? [Sarge and his men all freeze into their plastic army men positions] Here come the chips. I've got Cool Ranch and Barbecue! [comes out of the kitchen and steps on one of the Green Army Men crushing him with her foot] Ow! What in the world... Oh! I thought I told him to pick these up.
[Jennifer kicks them away with her foot and moves on to the living room]
Shouldn't they be there by now? What's taking them so long?
Hey, these guys are professionals. They're the best. Come on! They're not lyin’ down on the job.
WS Wounded Soldier
[The Army Men are lying on the floor. Sarge stands up and motions his soldiers to move to the plant pot for safety. Sarge hears some moaning and turns to see one of his soldiers is crushed from being stepped on and moving limply across the floor]
G-G-Go on without me! J-Just go!
S Sarge
A good soldier never leaves a man behind.
[Sarge motions to his soldiers on the landing and they lower the baby monitor to the ground and they carry it to the flower pot. A ball rolls towards them so they move fast and climb into the pot just as the ball rolls by, followed by the boys and Jennifer] [Off-screen]
Okay, everybody, come on. [The soldiers set the baby monitor up while a medic tends to the wounded solider and gives a thumb's up to Sarge who peers under the leaves and looks through his binoculars to see the presents] Everybody settle down. Now, kids. Everybody..... You sit in a circle. No, Andy. Andy, you sit in the middle there. Good. And..... Which present are you gonna open first?
S Sarge
[Sarge looks at the presents with his binoculars]
There they are.
S Sarge
[Upstairs in Andy's room, the toys hear Sarge's voice on the baby monitor]
Come in, Mother Bird. This is Alpha Bravo.
This is it! This is it! Quiet, quiet!
S Sarge
Come in, Mother Bird. All right, Andy's opening the first present now.
Mrs. Potato Head! Mrs. Potato Head! Mrs. Potato Head! [Rex and Hamm look at him, confused] Hey, I can dream, can't I?
S Sarge
The bow's coming off. He's ripping the wrapping paper. It's a... It's... It's a... a lunch box. We've got a lunch box here.
S Sarge
Okay, second present. It appears to be... Okay, it's bed sheets.
[Sarge watches as Jennifer picks up the presents one by one until there's only one left]
Oh, only one left.
S Sarge
Okay, we're on the last present now.
S Sarge
It's a big one. It's a.... It's a board game! Repeat, Battleship!
[The toys cheer]
Hallelujah! Yeah! All right!
[Hamm accidentally bumps Mr. Potato Head, knocking some of his parts out]
Hey, watch it!
S Sarge
Mission accomplished. Well done, men. Pack it up. We're goin' home.
[The men start to turn off the baby monitor]
So did I tell ya, huh? Nothing to worry about.
I knew you were right all along, Woody. Never doubted ya for a second.
[Just then Sarge sees Jennifer pull out a surprise present from the closet]
Wait a minute. Oh! What do we have here? Oooh!
S Sarge
Wait! Turn that thing back on! [The baby monitor turns back and Sarge's voice is heard on it] Come in, Mother Bird! Come in, Mother Bird! Mom has pulled a surprise present from the closet. Andy's opening it. He's really excited about this one.
S Sarge
It's a huge package. [A boy gets in the way of Sarge's view] Oh, get outta the.... One of the kids is in the way. I can't see. [Mr. Potato Head puts his hand to his head and to his sides while Woody looks, anxiously] It's a...
[Andy hold up his present over the plant. Upstairs, Rex is anxious to know what the present is]
It's a what? What is it? [shakes the lamp table and the baby monitor falls to the floor as the batteries pop out] Oh, no!
Oh, ya big lizard! Now we'll never know what it is!
Way to go, Rex! [Potato Head is putting the batteries in backwards]
No, turn him around! Turn him around!
He's putting him in backwa... Here, you're putting him in backwards!
[He tries to move the batteries forward]
Plus is positive, minus is negative! Oh, let me!
[He jumps down and shoves Hamm aside to put the batteries back in. Downstairs, Andy and his friends rush down the hallway towards the stairs]
Let's go to my room, guys!
S Sarge
Red alert! Red alert! Andy is coming upstairs!
[Woody puts the batteries back into the baby monitor] [grunts]
There!
S Sarge
Juvenile intrusion! Repeat, resume your positions now!
Andy's coming, everybody! Back to your places! Hurry!
[The toys hurry into position]
Get to your places! Get to your places!
[Rex screaming]
Where's my ear? Who's seen my ear? Did you see my ear?
Out of my way! Here I come! Here I come!
F1 Friend #1
[He bumps into the garbage pail with a teepee on it and falls over. As the boys run up the stairs, Lenny the binoculars walks to the shelves and Woody flops down on the bed just as Andy and his friends burst in]
Hey, look, its lasers light up.
F2 Friend #2
Quick, make a space. This is where the spaceship lands.
[He pushes Woody from his spot and drops a cardboard box shaped like a spaceship on it. Woody slides off the other side of the bed]
And you press his back and he does a karate-chop action!
[Off-screen]
Come on down, guys! It's time for games! We've got prizes!
Oh, yeah!
[They hurry out of the room and shut the door]
I don't see him in the driveway! I think he bounced into Sid's yard.
[Woody step back unnoticed]
Oh, Buzz! [RC revs his engine to talk to the toys] Hey, everyone! RC's trying to say something! What is it, boy?
[RC revs his engine]
He's saying that this was no accident.
I mean Humpty Dumpty was pushed...
By Woody! [points in Woody's direction]
Wait a minute. You, you don't think I meant to knock Buzz out the window, do you Potato Head?
That's Mr. Potato Head to you, you back-stabbing murderer!
[Bo Peep gasps]
Now, it was an accident! Guys, come on now, you...you gotta believe me.
We believe you, Woody. [looking at Rex for support] Right, Rex?
Well, ye-- n-- I don't like confrontations!
S Sarge
[pops out of the bucket]
WHERE'S YOUR HONOR, DIRTBAG?! YOU'RE AN ABSOLUTE DISGRACE!! YOU DON'T DESERVE TO -- HEY!!!!
[Woody puts the lid on the bucket]
You couldn't handle Buzz cutting in on your playtime, could you, Woody? Didn't wanna face the fact that Buzz just might be Andy's new favorite toy. So you got rid of him. Well, what if Andy starts playing with me more, Woody, huh? You're gonna knock me out of the window too?
I don't think we should give him the chance.
S Sarge
[Then the lid opened and Sarge and his men jump out and jump onto Woody]
There he is, men! Frag him! [Soldiers yelling]
Let's string him up by his pull string!
I've got dibs on his hat!
No, no, no! W-W-Wait! I can explain everything.
Okay, Mom, be right down. I've gotta get Buzz.
[The toys hid just as Andy enters his room and looks for Buzz]
Mom, do you know where Buzz is?
[Woody looks as Etch drew a hangman's noose while Mr. Potato Head pointed an accusing finger at him. Woody looks worried]
Andy, I'm heading out the door.
But, Mom, I can't find him!
Well, honey, just grab some other toy. Now come on!
[In a deleted scene, inside Andy's room]
Woody! [Woody gasps; extends a handshake of sportsmanship] I'd just like to wish you luck. I-I-I know you’d do the same for me.
[in Black Friday Reel; first words]
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There you go.
[Woody grabs Buzz's hand, then throws him suddenly out of the window]
Whoa!
[Buzz falls into the bushes from his point of view, fades to black, Woody lands in the bushes, and then cuts to Woody closing the blinders and turning around only to see the toys looking up in shock]
What? What, what what? What? What are you- What's everyone looking at? What?! Hey, he slipped. I tried to- He- I couldn't hold on- It was an a- He slipped!
[The toys then rush up to the window and peek out of the window to try and find Buzz out of concern for him]
I don't see him. I think he fell onto the street.
Yeah, he's as good as roadkill.
He ain't going to pizza now.
[As they are talking, Woody is seen smugly walking back to his spot on the bed and lying down on it. Bo Peep turns around and notices this]
Woody! You deliberately threw Buzz out of the window!
[shrugs]
Hey, it's a toy-eat-toy world.
S Sarge
[All toys gasp in horror]
Cowboy! Where is your honor, dirtbag?! You are an absolute disgrace! You don't deserve to wear a 10-gallon hat on your pint-sized head! [turns to the bucket of soldiers] Men, search and rescue! I want a Medevac team on the devil!
[suddenly grabs Sarge]
At ease, sergeant. [then puts him back in the container]
S Sarge
Hustle up! Move it! Move it! Move it! Hey!
[Woody notices Mr. Potato Head climbing up onto the bed, alongside Hamm and Rex]
Hey, spuds-for-brains! Heh, what do you think you're doing? Off the bed. [As they congregate, they glare at Woody, with Rex also, after some confusion, preparing to snarl at Woody] Hey! Off the bed!
You gonna make us, Woody?!
No, he is. Slinky! Slink. [looks around then sees Slinky is still on the floor] Slink- Slinky! Get up here and do your job! [Slinky comes up and hesitates] Are you deaf?! I said take care of them!
Uh, I'm sorry, Woody, but I, uh... I have to agree with them. I don’t think what you did was right.
[hysterically laughs]
What?! Am I hearing correctly? You don't think I was right? Who said your job was to think, spring wiener?!
Just use this vast reserve of brainpower to consider this for a moment! If it wasn't for me, Andy wouldn't pay any attention to you at all! In fact, my stretchy friend, you would've been hauled off to Goodwill a long time ago, so shut your mouth and get - them - off - the - bed! Do it. Now, Slink, or I'm throwing you off!
[rushes to Slinky's defense]
You're gonna have to throw the two of us off!
[rushes to Slinky's defense]
Make that three.
[rushes to Slinky's defense]
Count me in.
[pointing at Woody]
No, Woody, you get your butt off the bed.
[bored laugh]
Guys, I don't believe this. Heh! [beat] Are... Are you- Are you threatening me?!
Yeah, get off the bed, ranch hand or we're throwing you off!
[carefully scowls at them]
Ha! You and what army?
S Sarge
[The soldiers pop out of the barrel, and then the toys rush at Woody]
There he is, that dirtbag! Frag him! Move, move, move! Take no prisoners! Go for him! Go for the throat! Kill, kill, kill!
[Mr. Potato Head, Hamm, and Bo Peep grab Woody's arms, while Rex and the robot grab him by the legs. The toys then prepare to throw Woody off the bed]
One! Two!
[Just before they reach "three," a shout is heard and they turn to the window, with Slinky being near it]
Stop! Don't throw him off the bed!
[pulls up the blinds]
Throw him out the window, like he did to Buzz!!
[The toys then move towards the window as Woody protests]
Yeah!!
[in Black Friday Reel; last words]
No! Wait! No! Come on! Hey, man!
[Last lines; Months later, it's Christmas in Andy's new house. In the living room, Andy, his mom and Molly are around the Christmas tree, opening presents]
Which one can I open first?
Let's let Molly open one.
S Sarge
[In the Christmas tree, Sarge is using his binoculars to spy on them. His soldiers turn on the baby monitor to which they're holding in the branches. The other monitor plays on Andy's night stand] [over the monitor]
Frankincense, this is Myrrh. Come in, Frankincense.
[Buzz now with his helmet permanently opened, is sitting on the edge of Andy's bed while Hamm rests on the nightstand. They listen to the monitor] [to the room]
Hey, heads up everybody! It's showtime.
[The toys, and Woody are mingling together like a typical office Christmas party]
Oh, it's time!
[The toys stop dancing and hurried over to the monitor. Woody is about to follow when Bo grabs him with her crook]
Whoooooah! Oh, Bo! [rubbing his neck] There's gotta be a less painful way to get my attention.
Merry Christmas, Sheriff.
[Bo points her crook upwards to her sheep with mistletoe in their mouths]
Say, isn't that mistletoe?
[Bo drops her crook, dips Woody and kisses him. The toys are congregated below the monitor this time with excitement instead of fear this time] [to Slinky]
Maybe Andy'll get another dinosaur, like a leaf-eater. That way, I could play the, uh, dominant predator. [laughs]
[Slinky laughs with him]
Quiet, everyone, quiet!
S Sarge
[over monitor]
Molly's first present is... Mrs. Potato Head. Repeat. A Mrs. Potato Head.
[Mr. Potato Head looks overjoyed]
Way to go, Idaho!
S Sarge
[He takes off his moustache piece and flick it away. Woody climbs onto the bed and join Buzz, his face covered in lipstick from Bo kissing him] [over monitor]
Come in, Frankincense. Andy is now opening his first present it's a... [static]
[Buzz bangs the side of the monitor]
Buzz, Buzz Lightyear. You are not worried, are you?
S Sarge
[over monitor]
I can't quite make out -- [static]
[defensively]
Me? No, no, no, no... Mm-mmm. Are you?
[laughing]
Now, Buzz, what could Andy possibly get that is worse than you?
Oh, what is it? What is it?
[Buster is heard barking]
Wow, a puppy!
[Woody and Buzz look at each other in surprise for a sec then share a worried smile]
