Monty quotes from Stuart Little (1999)

Monty

Pleeeeease?

Monty

Hey, Snow! One of the guys spotted Stuart in the park. Smokey sent me to get you.

Monty

Aren't you going to run?

Stuart

Why?

Monty

Because you're a mouse.

Stuart

I'm not just a mouse. I'm a member of this family.

Monty

A mouse with a pet cat?

Stuart

I guess that's pretty funny!

Monty

Pretty funny? I'm gonna wet my fur! A MOUSE WITH A PET CAT! [laughs hard more, and looks down at Snowbell, who is embarrassed] Your new little master? Wait until the boys hear all about this!

Snowbell

Oh, the humiliation... [to Stuart] I'm gonna kill you!

Stuart

Oh, dear!

Snowbell

Come back here! [after a few chases, and ending up in the garbage can] Alright, no more Mr. Nice Kitty. You!

Stuart

Aaah! [runs off into George's room]

Snowbell

They know about the Stouts! They know about the Stouts! The jig is up! What're we gonna do?!

Monty

Hey, get ahold of yourself. What are you talking about?

Snowbell

This is very-- I'm in big--! I'm in DEEP POOPY-DOO!

Monty

Calm down, calm down. Don't get your fur in a bunch. All we need is a new plan.

Smokey

We do what we should've done in the first place; We scratch him out.

Monty

Scratch him out?

Snowbell

But Smokey, the police are involved! I don't wanna get kicked out of my house! I'm not a street cat, I'm a house cat! I don't wanna lose my furry basket or my tinkle-ball that I push along the floor with my nose!

Monty

Snow, buddy, pull yourself together.

Smokey

It's settled. Stuart Little get scratched tonight.

Stuart

Snowbell, you saved me?

Snowbell

Yeah, yeah. Look, let's get one thing straight. I'm doing this for the Littles. They used to love you. George says he used to love you. They're all miserable without you.

Stuart

But, Snowbell, you said--

Snowbell

I know what I said, I... I lied, okay? Welcome to Manhattan. I'm the one that hates you more than anything.

Stuart

Oh, Snowbell. You do care! [hugs his front leg]

Snowbell

Ugh. Yeah, yeah, okay. Okay, that's enough.

Monty

Snow, what's he doin' to your leg? I can't help to think this is wrong.

Smokey

What the Hell's goin' on here?

Snowbell

Uh, look, Smokey, uh, call me fickled, but... I want to call this whole thing off, okay?

Smokey

Too late.

Snowbell

Come on, Smokey, can't we talk it over? You know, Stuart's not so bad once you get to know him, and he's got his own car.

Smokey

Careful, house cat. You're askin' for it.

Monty

Snow, what are you doin'? Come on, he's just a mouse.

He's not just a mouse. He's-- He's-- He's family.

Smokey

Oh, yeah! [laughing hysterically] I could see the resemblance! [he and the other cats laugh hysterically]

Stuart

Is that what you think? You have to look alike to be family? [the cats abruptly stop laughing] You don't have to look alike. You don't even have to like each other. Look at Snowbell: He hates me, and still, he's tryin' to save me. And I hate him too. He decides to never speak to me again. Sure, you'll probably scratch him up pretty bad, you'd tear him to shreds; you may even kill him... [Snowbell gulps] ...but Snowbell will not run away, and that is what family is all about. Right...Snow?

Snowbell

Maybe "Family"'s too strong a word.

Smokey

Scratch 'em both!

Snowbell

Both?!

Stuart

Hey, Snow? I know that you and I got off on the wrong paw. I just wanted to see if we could start out fresh. You know? Clean slate. What do you say? Wanna be friends?

Snowbell

No.

Stuart

Okay then.

Snowbell

He's playing with my head. He's trying to psych me out. Sick little rodent!

Monty

Hey, Snow, let me in! I'm starving! What's in the dish today?

Snowbell

Oh, no. Monty the Mouth. If he sees Stuart, it'll be all over the neighborhood.

Monty

Come on, let me in!

Snowbell

Go away! There's no food here.

Monty

Please?

Snowbell

Shoo!

Monty

You know, I'm not picky, as long as it ain't meat loaf. That stuff gives me gas, something awful.

Snowbell

Sorry, it's meat loaf.

Monty

Oh, well, Beggars can't be choosers. Load me up and light a match.

Snowbell

Oh, no, no, Monty, stop. You don't wanna do that.

Monty

Why? I eat out of garbage cans, drink out of public toilets. Like a little gas is gonna bother me.

Snowbell

No, wait. Don't! Oh, great. What am I gonna tell him now? Monty, I can explain.

Monty

Explain what?

Snowbell

Explain that you should stuff your face.

Monty

Oh, thanks.

Snowbell

Gee, Monty, I don't wanna rush you, but you really have to leave. The Littles are due back any minute, and you know they don't like strange cats in the house. Not that you're strange. Aaah!!!

Monty

Hey, Snow, what's wrong with you?

Snowbell

Nothing.

Monty

You know, you're the one acting strange. What is it? Worms? Fleas? Yeah, you look pale. Maybe you should see a vet.

Snowbell

A vet? What a swell idea. Do you know anybody? I'm not so happy with mine. He makes us wait, and his hands are always cold.

Monty

What was that?

Snowbell

What was that... what?

Monty

What was that-- What? Well, I hate to eat and run.

Snowbell

No, no, please. By all means, run. Run like the wind! [Monty farting] Phew, that was gross.

Monty

Hey, Snow, I almost forgot to thank you. Hey. What the...?

Snowbell

Oh, no.

Stuart

Oh, my pants.

Snowbell

Say, they're really putting some wild prizes in there, huh, Monty?

Stuart

Oh, hello. You must be a friend of Snowbell's. I'm Stuart.

Monty

Uh, aren't you gonna run?

Stuart

Why?

Monty

Because you're a mouse.

Stuart

I'm not just a mouse. I'm a member of this family.

Monty

A mouse with a pet cat? [after a pause, he rolls over and roars with uncontrollable laughter] A MOUSE WITH A PET CAT! [continues laughing]

Stuart

I guess that is...pretty funny.

Monty

Pretty funny?! I'M GONNA WET MY FUR! A MOUSE WITH A PET CAT! [Stuart laughs along with him. He looks down at Snowbell] Your new little master! [laughs] Wait until the boys hear all about this!

Snowbell

Ohh, the humiliation... [to Stuart, angrily] I'M GONNA KILL YOU!

Stuart

Oh, dear!

Snowbell

Come back here!

Snowbell

All right, no more Mr. Nice Kitty! You!

Snowbell

Get outta there! You can't go in there! That's George's room! Come back! Come on out. I'm not gonna hurt you. I, I... I just wanna show you something. Come on.

Monty

I'm telling you, Snowy, this guy can fix anything.

Snowbell

But they're alley cats: mean, vicious and all hopped up on catnip.

Monty

Quit being a scaredy-cat. You wanna get rid of the mouse or not?

Snowbell

Of course I do.

Monty

All right, then. Hey! Hey, Smokey! Smokey, it's me, Monty!

Smokey

What is it now?

Monty

Well, my friend Snowbell here needs a favor.

Smokey

Snowbell? [chuckles] Now there's a manly name.

Snowbell

Yeah, you see, sir, I've got this mouse at home I can't eat.

Smokey

Sensitive stomach?

Snowbell

No. I can't eat him because he's, uh, a member of the family.

Smokey

A mouse with a pet cat?

Monty

Hahah! Isn't that funny? [laughing]
Snowbell': [groaning]

Smokey

That's not funny. That's sick! A cat can't have a rodent as a master. I mean, what's this world coming to? It's against the laws of nature! Word of this gets out, it'll be bad for cats all over.

Snowbell

So you think you can help me?

Smokey

Consider it done.

Snowbell

Did you hear that, Monty? Thank you, Mr. Smokey, sir. I'll never forget this. Really.

Smokey

Don't worry, Tinkerbell. I'm all over it.

Snowbell

Ha, ha, ha! Tinker Bell! He called me Tinker Bell! You're a funny guy!

Smokey

Yeah, whatever. Jeez! Housecats.

Snowbell

Are you sure he'll keep this hush-hush?

Monty

Are you kidding? Cat's got his tongue. Get it? Cat's got his tongue because he's a cat.

Snowbell

Shut up.

Monty

Okay.

Mrs. Little?

Yes?

I'm Detective Sherman. This is my partner, Detective Allen. We understand your son is missing.

Thank you for coming.

Snowbell

They know about the Stouts! THEY KNOW ABOUT THE STOUTS! THE JIG IS UP! WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?!

Monty

Hey, get a hold of yourself. What are you talking about?

Snowbell

This is very...! I'm in big...! I'M IN DEEP POOPY-DOO!

Monty

Calm down, calm down. Don't get your fur in a bunch. All we need is a new plan.

Smokey

We do what we should have done in the first place. We scratch him out.

Monty

Scratch him out?

Snowbell

But Smokey, the police are involved! I don't wanna get kicked out of my house! I'm not a street cat, I'm a house cat! I don't wanna lose my furry basket or my tinkleball that I push across the floor with my nose!

Monty

Snow, buddy, pull yourself together.

Smokey

It's settled. Stuart Little gets scratched tonight.

Okay. Very good. Mr. and Mrs. Little, you'll have to come downtown.

Detective Sherman, what are our chances of seeing Stuart again?

You want it straight?

No.

Absolutely not.

Well, in--in that case... Stuart's probably home right now waiting for ya.

Maybe we should hear it a little straighter than that.

OK. In a case like this, if the kidnappers have not called by now, then they're not interested in money.

What are they interested in?

Kicks.

Exactly. It's my guess these two sickos are on some kind of cross-country mouse-killingg spree.

Oh, no.

Well, thank you.

Yes, you can kiss this boy goodbye.

Thank you, detective.

It's over. The things I've seen. Phil, where is that book on the grisly photos? Believe me, you don't wanna see this.

No.

It'll only take a second. Right off the bat. Look at this one. This one kept me awake for weeks.

Ohh!

Monty

Hey, Snow! One of the guys spotted Stuart in the park. Smokey sent me to get you.

Snowbell

Ah, gee, Monty, uh, I'm in for the night. It's late. Besides, Stuart is gone. Can't we just give the kid a break?

Monty

Of course we could give him a break. First we'll break his little arms, then his little legs, and then we'll take a break. First we gotta find him. Come on, we gotta run!

Snowbell

Why do we have to run? What is it, festival seating?

Smokey

Come on! Come on! I think we're getting closer. I can smell him.

Lucky

Sorry, Smokey, that was me.

Snowbell

Didn't your mothers warn you not to go into Central Park at night?

Smokey

My mother was the reason you didn't go into Central Park at night.

Red

Yeah, you tell them, Smokey.

Lucky

Yeah, she was one tough broad.

Smokey

She was a saint.

Snowbell

Quick question! Who knows C.P.R? Oy!

Monty

There are mouse-prints going everywhere.

Lucky

How we gonna find him?

Smokey

We'll split up and go in different directions.

Red

What a brain.

Lucky

That is why he is gatto d tutti I gatti.

Snowbell

You guys go ahead. I'll just collapse right here. [seeing Stuart] Stuart, is that you? What are you doing up there?

Stuart

Oh, I'm... settling in.

Snowbell

Look, Stuart, you gotta get outta here. This is Central Park. It's dark out. There are hungry cats all over the place.

Monty

Hey, Snow, where are you? Come out, come out, whatever you are.

Stuart

Look. It's your pal, Monty. What's he doing here?

Snowbell

Shhh! He'll hear you.

Stuart

Why shouldn't he hear me?

Monty

Hello! Snowbell! Buddy! What're you doing up there?

Snowbell

Oh, no. Perfect.

Monty

Hey! You found him. Attaboy! Hey, everybody! Over here! Hey, guys! Snow found him!

Smokey

Nice going, house cat. Just for that, when we carve up the mouse, you get the big half.

Stuart

Big half? Snowbell, what's he talking about? Do--do you know those cats?

Snowbell

Well, not really. We went to a few parties, but...

Smokey

What's the matter? What are you waiting for?

Monty

Come on, buddy, bring him down. I'm starving.

Stuart

Snowbell...

Snowbell

Sorry, kid.

Stuart

Snowbell, wait, no! Stop! Wait, no! No, put me down!

Monty

Hit me! I'm open! I'll break his fall with my mouth.

Stuart

I guess you do know them.

Monty

Hey, let him go. I can almost taste him. What are you waiting for? Hey, where are you going?

Lucky

He's hogging the mouse. He ain't sharing.

Smokey

Get him!

Lucky

He's getting away!

Red

Let's get him!

Monty

Go, go!

Stuart

Snowbell, wait. Watch it, watch it. Where are you going?

Monty

Hey, hold that branch for me.

Stuart

Ow. Get out of my face.

Smokey

Get him!

Stuart

Snowbell, you saved me?

Snowbell

Yeah, yeah. Look, let's get one thing straight: I'm doing this for the Littles, all right? They love you. George loves you. They're all miserable without you.

Stuart

But, Snowbell, you said--

Snowbell

I know what I said, I... I lied, okay?! Welcome to Manhattan! I'm the one that hates you.

Stuart

Oh, Snowbell. You do care. [hugs his front leg]

Snowbell

Ugh. Yeah, yeah, okay. Okay, that's enough.

Monty

Snow, what's he doing to your leg? I can't help but think this is wrong.

Smokey

What the hell's going on here?

Snowbell

Err... look, Smokey, uh, call me fickle, but... I want to call this whole thing off, okay?

Smokey

Too late.

Snowbell

Come on, Smokey, can't we talk it over? See, Stuart's not so bad once you get to know him, and he's got his own car.

Smokey

Careful, house cat. You're asking for it.

Monty

Snow, what are you doing? Come on, he's just a mouse.

Snowbell

He's not just a mouse! He's... he's... [looks at Stuart, then at the cats] he's family.

Smokey

Oh, yeah! [laughing hysterically] I could see the resemblance! [he and the other cats laugh hysterically]

Stuart

Is that what you think? You have to look alike to be family? [the cats abruptly stop laughing, surprised that Stuart would say that] You don't have to look alike. You don't even have to like each other. Look at Snowbell - he hates me, and still, he's trying to save me. Sure, you'll probably scratch him up pretty bad. You'd tear him to shreds. You may even kill him. [Snowbell gulps] But Snowbell will not run away, and that is what family is all about. Right? Snow? [looks up to him]

Snowbell

Maybe "family"'s too strong a word.

Smokey

Scratch 'em both.

Snowbell

Both?!

Stuart

Hey, it's me you want! Come and get me!

Red

Here we go!

Lucky

Let me at him!

Monty

Go, go!

Smokey

Get him!

Lucky

Hey, over there. Hurry up. Over there.

Monty

Let's go.

Red

Watch it. Out of my way!

Lucky

Get him! He's getting away!

Red

Where is he? Did he fall in the water?

Lucky

I don't know. I saw something hit.

Monty

Man, did you see that? Gone. He just disappeared. Hey, there he is!

Lucky

Huh?

Monty

Up there! He's too far. I can't reach him.

Stuart

In that case, you can all go home. Prowl safely.

Smokey

Here you go, boys. Dinner's served.

Monty

All right, Smokey. Way to go!

Stuart

Oh, dear.

Lucky

Look. It's mouse on a stick. I love mouse on a stick.

Monty

A little further. Keep him coming. Keep him coming. I can almost reach him. Keep it coming. I got him. He's mine.

Monty

Hey, what the...?! The branch is gonna... !

Snowbell

Well, what have we got here?

Monty

Snow, don't come out here, the branch is breaking!

Snowbell

Stuart! Are you all right?

Stuart

Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay.

Snowbell

Just hang on. I'll take it from here.

Monty

Huh? Take what?

Monty

Hey! Come on, Snow. You wouldn't do this to me. Not your old buddy.

Snowbell

Don't worry, "buddy". I'm sure you'll land...

Monty

Hey!

Snowbell

...on...

Monty

Hey! Snow!

Snowbell

...your...

Monty

What are you doing? No! No, wait, stop! Wait, I gotta ask you something.

Snowbell

...feet!

Lucky

Cold! Cold! Cold water, oh!

Red

I can't swim!

Lucky

Dog paddle!

Red

Dog paddle? I'd rather drown.

Red

And I had my fur just the way I like it.

Lucky

Oh, man, I'll be licking myself for days. [shakes the water off of him and shivers]

Monty

How could he do this to me? After all we've meant to each other? [panting] I mean, I love that guy. And-- Oh, hey, you guys! Wait up for me!

Snowbell

Pack up the pineapple, Stuart. This luau's over.

Stuart

Thanks, Snowbell. You were great.

Snowbell

Well, it must've been quite a show from up there.

Stuart

Snowbell?

Snowbell

Those cats think they're so tough.

Stuart

Snowbell?

Snowbell

I guess I showed them! Ha! Not bad for a house cat! [laughs]

Smokey

Not bad for a dead house cat. [Snowbell whimpers fearfully. Stuart climbs to the tree. Snowbell turns to Smokey fearfully] Say good night, Tinker Bell.

Stuart

Hey, Smokey! [Smokey looks in Stuart's direction] His name...is Snowbell!

Smokey

Oh, this water's damn cold! [gets out of the water] I can't believe this! [shakes the water off of him] Beaten by a mouse and his pet cat. What could be worse?! [suddenly, barking dogs are heard in the distance and they chase Smokey, offscreen] Oh! Oh, nice doggies! No! NOOOOOOOO...!

Stuart

Tsk tsk tsk. Little high, little low.

Snowbell

Little hey, little ho. [sighs] Let's go home.