Russell Ziskey [teaching an English class to foreigners]
I met her on a Sunday and her name was Jill...Da Doo Run Run Run, Da Doo Run Run
Played by Harold Ramis 
Stripes (1981) · 55 quotes
Stripes (1981) · 55 quotes
3rd most-quoted character in Stripes (1981): in 15 of its 55 quotes
Most scenes with: John Winger (9), Sgt. Hulka (8)
I've always been kind of a pacifist. When I was a kid, my father told me, "Never hit anyone in anger, unless you're absolutely sure you can get away with it." I don't know what kind of soldier I'm gonna make, but I want you guys to know that if we ever get into really heavy combat... I'll be right behind you guys. Every step of the way.
More lines from Russell Ziskey
3 quotes Russell Ziskey Russell Ziskey I bet you can't do five push-ups, right now. Let's go, five good ones.
Russell Ziskey Hari Krishna! Hari Krushna! Krishna, Krishna...
Scenes with Russell Ziskey
11 scenes
It looks like a fine group of men, Sergeant.
Ox I sure hope this is the mess hall! (to Stillman, observing his Captain insignia): How's it goin', Eisenhower?!
Yes, sir, a fine group of men.
Russell Ziskey [teaching an English class to foreigners]
Okay, I know you're anxious to jump right in and start speaking English, but there's a couple of things I need to know first, because I've never done this before. So, how many of you would say you speak English fairly well, but with some difficulties?
Russell Ziskey [pause]
A little English?
Russell Ziskey [a man raises his hand]
Yes? You speak some English?
Man
Son of bitch. Shit.
Class
[in unison]
Son of bitch. Shit.
I've had an interesting morning. In the last two hours I've lost my job, my apartment, my car, and my girlfriend.
Russell Ziskey You still have your health.
Russell Ziskey You could join a monastery.
Did you ever see a monk get wildly **** by some teenage girls?
Russell Ziskey Never.
So much for the monastery.
Recruiter Now, are either of you homosexuals?
You mean like flaming?
Recruiter Well, it's a standard question we have to ask.
Russell Ziskey No, we're not homosexual, but we are willing to learn.
Yeah . . . Would they send us someplace special?
Russell Ziskey John, do you think I'm officer material?
God, I'm worried about you.
Russell Ziskey Come on! I'm in good shape, I'm walking tall, I'm looking good. First weekend in Europe.
Yeah. We're spending it in an airplane hangar... guarding a truck!
Russell Ziskey We've got each other.
Louise Cooper It's called 'Force Field' and you try to get as close as you can without touching.
Russell Ziskey Oh, I think I'm good at this.
Louise Cooper We'll see.
Louise Cooper [Louise lays down, Russell hovers over her, then kisses her.]
You broke my force field.
Russell Ziskey Yeah, you win. [kisses her]
C'mon, it's Czechoslovakia. We zip in, we pick 'em up, we zip right out again. We're not going to Moscow. It's Czechoslovakia. It's like we're going into Wisconsin.
Russell Ziskey Well, I got the shit kicked out of me in Wisconsin once. Forget it.
Come on. Let's take the truck.
Russell Ziskey No.
Yes.
Russell Ziskey No.
Yes.
Russell Ziskey No.
Yes.
Russell Ziskey No.
I'll drive.
Russell Ziskey Okay.
Recruiter I'm not saying the army will do for you what it did for me. All I'm saying is you get out of it exactly what you put into it. Sometimes, the army's your best shot. Now there a couple of questions I have to ask you, they're a little personal; Have you ever been convicted of a felony or a misdemeanor? That's robbery, rape, car theft, that sort of thing.
Convicted? No.
Russell Never convicted.
Recruiter That's good. Are either of you, uh, homosexual?
You mean like flaming?
Recruiter Well, it's a standard question we have to ask.
Russell No, we're not homosexual, but we are willing to learn.
Yeah ... would they send us someplace special?
Recruiter I guess that's "no" on both. Now if you could just give Uncle Sam your autograph here.
Recruiter That's good, now your name.
[Winger hums dramatic music as he passes the pen to Russell who also signs]
Russell [tackling Winger who is trying to escape]
Where do you think you're going? Are you going AWOL? Are you going AWOL?
No, I'm deserting.
Russell You idiot! You desert now, it's a federal offense!
I'll take my chances with the feds!
Russell You're not going anywhere! You listen to me! You're gonna finish basic training! You're gonna keep your mouth shut, and you're gonna do everything he tells you! You know why?
Why?
Russell Because you talked me into this, you idiot! It was your idea!
I didn't talk you into this. You NEEDED this.
Russell [drags John back to the ground]
I'm gonna kill you, damn you! Where's the great pay? Where's the travel? Where's the Winnebago, Goddamnit!
Russell Do the words "Act of War" mean anything to you?
I have a plan.
Russell Great! Custer had a plan.
