Timmy [concerning the retrieval of the lost baseball]
You don't.
You don't.
Timmy It's history.
It's history.
Timmy Kiss it goodbye.
Kiss it--
Timmy Shut up, Tommy.
Played by Victor DiMattia 
The Sandlot (1993) · 28 quotes
The Sandlot (1993) · 28 quotes
Tied for 5th most-quoted character in The Sandlot (1993): in 5 of its 28 quotes
Most scenes with: Squints (4), Benny (3), Ham Porter (3)
Scenes with Timmy
5 scenes Timmy Timmy Timmy Timmy 
Even though none of us had ever seen a Playboy magazine, which we constantly lied about, we figured going to the pool was the next best thing to being there. It wasn't really the pool honeys, like we said; because, if any one of them had come up to any one of us, we'd have just peed our pants. We all went because, well, because Wendy Peffercorn was the lifeguard.
Yeah, yeah. Too cool.
Timmy She don't know what she's doing.
She don't know what she's doing.
Yeah, she does. She knows exactly what she's doing.
I've swum here every summer in my adult life. And every summer, there she is. Lotion. Oiling. Oiling! Lotion. Smiling. Smiling! I can't take this no more!
Wendy [Squints has just kissed Wendy while she was giving him CPR] [offended]
Ugh! You little pervert!
Timmy Oh, man, he's in deep shit.
Wendy [Squints is taken to his feet and is escorted out of the pool by Wendy with his friends following him.]
And stay out! [Storms back to the pool]
[Once out of the pool, another lifeguard throws the Sandlot Kids' clothes out of the pool. Once away Ham and the boys are getting dressed, while Wendy returns to her post as a lifeguard clearly offended by Squints.]
Oh, here's your glasses. Did you plan that?
Of course I did. I've been plannin' it for years.
You guys, he planned that! He knew what he was doing!
[adult voiceover]
Michael "Squints" Palledorous walked a little taller that day and we had to tip our hats to him. He was lucky she hadn't beat the crap out of him. We wouldn't have blamed her. What he'd done was sneaky, rotten, and low...and cool. Not another one among us would have ever, in 1,000,000 years, even for $1,000,000, had the guts to put the move on the lifeguard. He did. He had kissed a woman. And he had kissed her long and good. We got banned from the pool forever that day. But every time we walked by after that, the lifeguard looked down from her tower, right over to Squints, and smiled.
Oh, no!
[A snooty rival baseball team called the Tigers, whom the Sandlot kids are enemies with arrive in their uniforms and bicycles.]
Ah, it's easy when you play with a bunch of rejects and a fat kid, Rodriguez.
Shut your mouth, Phillips!
What'd you say, crap-face?!
I said, you shouldn't be even allowed to touch a baseball. Except for Rodriguez, you're all an insult to the game.
Come on! We'll take you on, right here, right now! Come on!
Yeah!
Yeah, right now!
We play on a real diamond, Porter. You ain't good enough to lick the dirt off our cleats.
Watch it, jerk!
Shut up, idiot!
Moron!
Scab eater!
Butt sniffer!
Pus licker!
Fart smeller!
You eat dog crap for breakfast, geek!
You mix your Wheaties with your mama's toe jam!
Yeah!
You bob for apples in the toilet! And you like it!
You play ball like a girl!
[the Sandlot kids gasp as the entire group stands in shocked silence; the Sandlot kids start laughing] [shocked smile]
What did you say?
You heard me.
Tomorrow. Noon, at our field. Be there, buffalo-butt breath.
Count on it, pee-drinking crap-face!
Yeah!
Let's go!
Timmy [the Tigers ride away, and the Sandlot kids cheer for Ham] [to Ham; pats his arm]
Good job.
[about the Tigers]
Jerks. [scene fades to Ham putting on Umpire mask] PLAY BALL! [puts on umpire mask] Hurry up, batter. It's gonna be a short game, and I gotta get home for lunch. [Pitcher pitches and the batter doesn't even swing] Ha-ha! That's one. [scene cuts to new pitch] [to the batter] You know, if my dog was as ugly as you, I'd shave his butt, and tell him to walk backwards. [scene cuts to new pitch] The heater. Here it comes. I dare ya. [Ham puts the batter off, he swings and misses] Strike three, you're out. [scene cuts to new pitch] Hey. Is that your sister out there in left field, naked? She's naked.
Hey, hey, hey. I'm just trying to start a friendly conversation. Come on. [two seconds later] Think she'll go out with me?
No, you don't understand! That wasn't my ball!
It was my stepdad's. I stole it from his trophy room. It was a present or something. Somebody gave it to him, but we gotta get it back. He's gonna kill me!
Listen to me, Smalls. This is a matter of life and death. Where did your old man get that ball?
What? I don't know. Some lady gave it to him. Why? [the Sandlot kids are confused] Yeah, she even signed her name on it. Some lady named... Ruth. Baby Ruth.
Everyone else
BABE RUTH??!!
[Everyone rushes back to Smalls screaming after seeing the ball getting taken by The Beast.]
Hey, guys! What's going on?
The Beast got it!
Timmy You're dead as a doornail, Smalls.
You're dead as a doornail, Smalls.
Timmy Smalls, you mean to tell me you went home and swiped a ball that was signed by Babe Ruth, and you brought it out here and actually played with it?!
And actually played with it?!
Yeah. Yeah, but I was gonna bring it back.
But it was signed by Babe Ruth!
Yeah. Yeah. You keep telling me that! Who is she?!
The Sultan of Swat!
The King of Crash!
Timmy The Colossus of Clout!
The Colossus of Clout!
Babe Ruth!
Everyone else
Yes!
Smalls, Babe Ruth was the greatest baseball player that ever lived. I mean, people said he was less than a god, but more than a man. Like, Hercules, or something. That ball you just aced to The Beast is worth...well, more than your whole life, man.
[nauseated]
Ohh... I don't feel so good. [collapses to his knees as he's almost about to throw up]
Uh-oh, fan him. Give him air. Give him air. [ they start fanning Smalls to cool him down]
We gotta get that ball back.
