Have you ever done a paper route?
Smalls No, but I helped a guy once.
Played by Tom Guiry 
The Sandlot (1993) · 28 quotes
The Sandlot (1993) · 28 quotes
4th most-quoted character in The Sandlot (1993): in 7 of its 28 quotes
Most scenes with: Benny (4), Ham Porter (3), Squints (3)
Scenes with Smalls
7 scenes Smalls Smalls Oh yeah, the Great Bambino. Of course! I thought you said the Great Bambi.
Ham Porter': That wimpy deer?
You got a fireplace man?
Smalls Yeah why.
Throw that hat in it.
Hey, you want a s'more?
Smalls Some more of what?
No, do you want a s'more?
Smalls I haven't had anything yet... so how can I have some more of nothing?
You're killing me, Smalls! These are s'mores stuff. Okay, pay attention. First you take the graham. You stick the chocolate on the graham. Then, you roast the mallow. When the mallow's flaming, you stick it on the chocolate. Then you cover it with the other end. Then, you stuff.
Man, you think too much! I bet you get straight A's and shit!
Smalls No, I got a B once. Well, actually it was an A minus but it should have been a B.
Man, this is baseball. You'd better stop thinking. Just have fun. I mean, if you were having fun, you would've caught that ball. You ever have a paper route?
Smalls I helped a guy once.
Okay, well, chuck it like you throw paper. When your arm gets here, just let go. Just let go, it just might be easy.
Smalls [starts to jog away]
How do I catch it?
Just stand out there and stick your glove out in the air. Let me take care of it.
About time, Benny! My clothes are goin' out of style.
They already are, Squints.
Shut up!
Wendy [Squints has just kissed Wendy while she was giving him CPR] [offended]
Ugh! You little pervert!
Oh, man, he's in deep shit.
Wendy [Squints is taken to his feet and is escorted out of the pool by Wendy with his friends following him.]
And stay out! [Storms back to the pool]
[Once out of the pool, another lifeguard throws the Sandlot Kids' clothes out of the pool. Once away Ham and the boys are getting dressed, while Wendy returns to her post as a lifeguard clearly offended by Squints.]
Oh, here's your glasses. Did you plan that?
Of course I did. I've been plannin' it for years.
You guys, he planned that! He knew what he was doing!
Smalls [adult voiceover]
Michael "Squints" Palledorous walked a little taller that day and we had to tip our hats to him. He was lucky she hadn't beat the crap out of him. We wouldn't have blamed her. What he'd done was sneaky, rotten, and low...and cool. Not another one among us would have ever, in 1,000,000 years, even for $1,000,000, had the guts to put the move on the lifeguard. He did. He had kissed a woman. And he had kissed her long and good. We got banned from the pool forever that day. But every time we walked by after that, the lifeguard looked down from her tower, right over to Squints, and smiled.
Smalls No, you don't understand! That wasn't my ball!
Smalls It was my stepdad's. I stole it from his trophy room. It was a present or something. Somebody gave it to him, but we gotta get it back. He's gonna kill me!
Listen to me, Smalls. This is a matter of life and death. Where did your old man get that ball?
Smalls What? I don't know. Some lady gave it to him. Why? [the Sandlot kids are confused] Yeah, she even signed her name on it. Some lady named... Ruth. Baby Ruth.
Everyone else
BABE RUTH??!!
Smalls [Everyone rushes back to Smalls screaming after seeing the ball getting taken by The Beast.]
Hey, guys! What's going on?
The Beast got it!
You're dead as a doornail, Smalls.
You're dead as a doornail, Smalls.
Smalls, you mean to tell me you went home and swiped a ball that was signed by Babe Ruth, and you brought it out here and actually played with it?!
And actually played with it?!
Smalls Yeah. Yeah, but I was gonna bring it back.
But it was signed by Babe Ruth!
Smalls Yeah. Yeah. You keep telling me that! Who is she?!
The Sultan of Swat!
The King of Crash!
The Colossus of Clout!
The Colossus of Clout!
Babe Ruth!
Smalls [in shock and horror]
Oh, my God! You mean that's the same guy?!
Everyone else
Yes!
Smalls, Babe Ruth was the greatest baseball player that ever lived. I mean, people said he was less than a god, but more than a man. Like, Hercules, or something. That ball you just aced to The Beast is worth...well, more than your whole life, man.
Smalls [nauseated]
Ohh... I don't feel so good. [collapses to his knees as he's almost about to throw up]
Uh-oh, fan him. Give him air. Give him air. [ they start fanning Smalls to cool him down]
Smalls We gotta get that ball back.
