The Sandlot (1993) · 28 quotes
3rd most-quoted character in The Sandlot (1993): in 10 of its 28 quotes
Most scenes with: Benny (6), Ham Porter (4), Timmy (4)
Squints Come on, Benny man. The kid is an L-7 weenie!
Yeah yeah, Oscar Meyer even, foot-long Dodger Dog! A weenie!
What are you talking about, Yeah-Yeah? You run like a duck!
Kay kay, but I'm --
Part of the game, right?
Mmm, yeah!
Then how come he don't get to be?
Cause he's a geek,/ man.
Yeah, man, he ain't game.
Squints About time, Benny, my clothes are goin' outa style.
They already are, Squints.
Squints Shut up!
What took you guys so long?
Eh, Squints was pervin' a dish.
Squints Shut up! I was not!
Yeah yeah you were! Your tongue was hangin' outta your head, and you was swoonin', 'Oh Wendy Preffercorn, my darling lover-girl, ho!'
Squints I said "shut up!" Got a lot of things on my mind.
Squints For-ev-er! For-ev-er! For-ev-er!
Man, you think too much! I bet you get straight A's and shit!
No, I got a B once. Well, actually it was an A minus but it should have been a B.
Man, this is baseball. You'd better stop thinking. Just have fun. I mean, if you were having fun, you would've caught that ball. You ever have a paper route?
I helped a guy once.
Okay, well, chuck it like you throw paper. When your arm gets here, just let go. Just let go, it just might be easy.
Just stand out there and stick your glove out in the air. Let me take care of it.
Squints About time, Benny! My clothes are goin' out of style.
They already are, Squints.
Squints Shut up!
Even though none of us had ever seen a Playboy magazine, which we constantly lied about, we figured going to the pool was the next best thing to being there. It wasn't really the pool honeys, like we said; because, if any one of them had come up to any one of us, we'd have just peed our pants. We all went because, well, because Wendy Peffercorn was the lifeguard.
Yeah, yeah. Too cool.
She don't know what she's doing.
She don't know what she's doing.
Yeah, she does. She knows exactly what she's doing.
Squints I've swum here every summer in my adult life. And every summer, there she is. Lotion. Oiling. Oiling! Lotion. Smiling. Smiling! I can't take this no more!
Wendy Ugh! You little pervert!
Oh, man, he's in deep shit.
Wendy And stay out! [Storms back to the pool]
Oh, here's your glasses. Did you plan that?
Squints Of course I did. I've been plannin' it for years.
You guys, he planned that! He knew what he was doing!
Michael "Squints" Palledorous walked a little taller that day and we had to tip our hats to him. He was lucky she hadn't beat the crap out of him. We wouldn't have blamed her. What he'd done was sneaky, rotten, and low...and cool. Not another one among us would have ever, in 1,000,000 years, even for $1,000,000, had the guts to put the move on the lifeguard. He did. He had kissed a woman. And he had kissed her long and good. We got banned from the pool forever that day. But every time we walked by after that, the lifeguard looked down from her tower, right over to Squints, and smiled.
Squints Oh, no!
Ah, it's easy when you play with a bunch of rejects and a fat kid, Rodriguez.
Shut your mouth, Phillips!
What'd you say, crap-face?!
I said, you shouldn't be even allowed to touch a baseball. Except for Rodriguez, you're all an insult to the game.
Come on! We'll take you on, right here, right now! Come on!
Yeah!
Yeah, right now!
We play on a real diamond, Porter. You ain't good enough to lick the dirt off our cleats.
Watch it, jerk!
Shut up, idiot!
Moron!
Scab eater!
Butt sniffer!
Pus licker!
Fart smeller!
You eat dog crap for breakfast, geek!
You mix your Wheaties with your mama's toe jam!
Yeah!
You bob for apples in the toilet! And you like it!
You play ball like a girl!
What did you say?
You heard me.
Tomorrow. Noon, at our field. Be there, buffalo-butt breath.
Count on it, pee-drinking crap-face!
Yeah!
Let's go!
Jerks. [scene fades to Ham putting on Umpire mask] PLAY BALL! [puts on umpire mask] Hurry up, batter. It's gonna be a short game, and I gotta get home for lunch. [Pitcher pitches and the batter doesn't even swing] Ha-ha! That's one. [scene cuts to new pitch] [to the batter] You know, if my dog was as ugly as you, I'd shave his butt, and tell him to walk backwards. [scene cuts to new pitch] The heater. Here it comes. I dare ya. [Ham puts the batter off, he swings and misses] Strike three, you're out. [scene cuts to new pitch] Hey. Is that your sister out there in left field, naked? She's naked.
Hey, hey, hey. I'm just trying to start a friendly conversation. Come on. [two seconds later] Think she'll go out with me?
No, you don't understand! That wasn't my ball!
Squints What do you mean, that wasn't your ball?
It was my stepdad's. I stole it from his trophy room. It was a present or something. Somebody gave it to him, but we gotta get it back. He's gonna kill me!
Squints Listen to me, Smalls. This is a matter of life and death. Where did your old man get that ball?
What? I don't know. Some lady gave it to him. Why? [the Sandlot kids are confused] Yeah, she even signed her name on it. Some lady named... Ruth. Baby Ruth.
BABE RUTH??!!
Hey, guys! What's going on?
The Beast got it!
You're dead as a doornail, Smalls.
You're dead as a doornail, Smalls.
Smalls, you mean to tell me you went home and swiped a ball that was signed by Babe Ruth, and you brought it out here and actually played with it?!
And actually played with it?!
Yeah. Yeah, but I was gonna bring it back.
Squints But it was signed by Babe Ruth!
Yeah. Yeah. You keep telling me that! Who is she?!
The Sultan of Swat!
The King of Crash!
The Colossus of Clout!
The Colossus of Clout!
Babe Ruth!
Yes!
Smalls, Babe Ruth was the greatest baseball player that ever lived. I mean, people said he was less than a god, but more than a man. Like, Hercules, or something. That ball you just aced to The Beast is worth...well, more than your whole life, man.
Ohh... I don't feel so good. [collapses to his knees as he's almost about to throw up]
Uh-oh, fan him. Give him air. Give him air. [ they start fanning Smalls to cool him down]
We gotta get that ball back.
Mr. Mertle Well, first time anybody’s gotten the best of old Hercules. Why didn't you just knock on the door? I'd have gotten it for ya.
Oh, my God! I can't believe you!
Squints We got the ball back, didn't we?
But we almost got killed!
Squints Didn't we get the ball back? [pushes the others] Just shut up! We got the ball back.
