Even though none of us had ever seen a Playboy magazine, which we constantly lied about, we figured going to the pool was the next best thing to being there. It wasn't really the pool honeys, like we said; because, if any one of them had come up to any one of us, we'd have just peed our pants. We all went because, well, because Wendy Peffercorn was the lifeguard.

[watching Wendy on the lifeguard chair putting on suntan lotion]

Oh, man!

Yeah, yeah. Too cool.

She don't know what she's doing.

She don't know what she's doing.

Yeah, she does. She knows exactly what she's doing.

I've swum here every summer in my adult life. And every summer, there she is. Lotion. Oiling. Oiling! Lotion. Smiling. Smiling! I can't take this no more!