Benny
Have you ever done a paper route?
No, but I helped a guy once.
Played by Pablo P. Vitar 
The Sandlot (1993) · 28 quotes
The Sandlot (1993) · 28 quotes
Tied for most-quoted character in The Sandlot (1993): in 11 of its 28 quotes
Most scenes with: Squints (6), Ham Porter (5), Bertram (5)
Scenes with Benny
11 scenes
Yeah yeah, Oscar Meyer even, foot-long Dodger Dog! A weenie!
Benny
What are you talking about, Yeah-Yeah? You run like a duck!
Kay kay, but I'm --
Benny
Part of the game, right?
Mmm, yeah!
Benny
Then how come he don't get to be?
Cause he's a geek,/ man.
Yeah, man, he ain't game.
Benny
[shaking his head]
Man, base up you blockheads.
Benny
You got a fireplace man?
Yeah why.
Benny
Throw that hat in it.
Yes! That's how you do it, Smalls.
Benny
Ham, you idiot. Now we can't play no more.
Kid
Great, you idiot.
It was a heater.
Kid#2
Stupid idiot!
Benny
What took you guys so long?
Eh, Squints was pervin' a dish.
Shut up! I was not!
Yeah yeah you were! Your tongue was hangin' outta your head, and you was swoonin', 'Oh Wendy Preffercorn, my darling lover-girl, ho!'
I said "shut up!" Got a lot of things on my mind.
It's easy when you play with a bunch of rejects and a fat kid, Rodriguez.
Benny
Shut your mouth, Phillips!
What'd you say, crap face?
I said, you shouldn't be allowed to touch a baseball. Except for Rodriguez, you're all an insult to the game.
Come on! We'll take you on, right here! Right now! Come on!
Yeah!
We play on a real diamond, Porter. You ain't good enough to lick the dirt off our cleats.
Watch it, jerk!
Shut up, idiot!
Moron!
Scab eater!
Butt sniffer!
Pus licker!
Fart smeller!
You eat dog crap for breakfast, geek!
You mix your Wheaties with your mama's toe jam!
Yeah!
You bob for apples in the toilet! And you like it!
You play ball like a girl!
You heard me.
Tomorrow. Noon, at our field. Be there, buffalo-butt breath.
Count on it, pee-drinking crap-face!
Yeah!
Benny
Man, you think too much! I bet you get straight A's and shit!
No, I got a B once. Well, actually it was an A minus but it should have been a B.
Benny
Man, this is baseball. You'd better stop thinking. Just have fun. I mean, if you were having fun, you would've caught that ball. You ever have a paper route?
I helped a guy once.
Benny
Okay, well, chuck it like you throw paper. When your arm gets here, just let go. Just let go, it just might be easy.
Benny
Just stand out there and stick your glove out in the air. Let me take care of it.
About time, Benny! My clothes are goin' out of style.
They already are, Squints.
Shut up!
Even though none of us had ever seen a Playboy magazine, which we constantly lied about, we figured going to the pool was the next best thing to being there. It wasn't really the pool honeys, like we said; because, if any one of them had come up to any one of us, we'd have just peed our pants. We all went because, well, because Wendy Peffercorn was the lifeguard.
Benny
[watching Wendy on the lifeguard chair putting on suntan lotion]
Oh, man!
Yeah, yeah. Too cool.
She don't know what she's doing.
She don't know what she's doing.
Benny
Yeah, she does. She knows exactly what she's doing.
I've swum here every summer in my adult life. And every summer, there she is. Lotion. Oiling. Oiling! Lotion. Smiling. Smiling! I can't take this no more!
Oh, no!
[A snooty rival baseball team called the Tigers, whom the Sandlot kids are enemies with arrive in their uniforms and bicycles.]
Ah, it's easy when you play with a bunch of rejects and a fat kid, Rodriguez.
Benny
Shut your mouth, Phillips!
What'd you say, crap-face?!
I said, you shouldn't be even allowed to touch a baseball. Except for Rodriguez, you're all an insult to the game.
Come on! We'll take you on, right here, right now! Come on!
Yeah!
Yeah, right now!
We play on a real diamond, Porter. You ain't good enough to lick the dirt off our cleats.
Watch it, jerk!
Shut up, idiot!
Moron!
Scab eater!
Butt sniffer!
Pus licker!
Fart smeller!
You eat dog crap for breakfast, geek!
You mix your Wheaties with your mama's toe jam!
Yeah!
You bob for apples in the toilet! And you like it!
You play ball like a girl!
[the Sandlot kids gasp as the entire group stands in shocked silence; the Sandlot kids start laughing] [shocked smile]
What did you say?
You heard me.
Tomorrow. Noon, at our field. Be there, buffalo-butt breath.
Count on it, pee-drinking crap-face!
Yeah!
Let's go!
[about the Tigers]
Jerks. [scene fades to Ham putting on Umpire mask] PLAY BALL! [puts on umpire mask] Hurry up, batter. It's gonna be a short game, and I gotta get home for lunch. [Pitcher pitches and the batter doesn't even swing] Ha-ha! That's one. [scene cuts to new pitch] [to the batter] You know, if my dog was as ugly as you, I'd shave his butt, and tell him to walk backwards. [scene cuts to new pitch] The heater. Here it comes. I dare ya. [Ham puts the batter off, he swings and misses] Strike three, you're out. [scene cuts to new pitch] Hey. Is that your sister out there in left field, naked? She's naked.
Hey, hey, hey. I'm just trying to start a friendly conversation. Come on. [two seconds later] Think she'll go out with me?
[At bat, having missed Kenny's first pitch]
You call that pitching?! [Kenny laughs] This is baseball, not tennis. Give me something to hit!
All right, Ham. This is my heater! I DARE you to hit it!
You'll be sorry.
You want the heater? I'll give it to ya. [Pitches the ball to Ham, who hits a home run over the one fence, much to the team's dismay]
Yeah! That's how you do it, Smalls! [Slowly starts to round the bases]
Benny
Ham, you idiot! Now we can't play no more!
Great, you [Throws his glove at Ham] idiot!
Low and outside! Just like I like it. [The team continues to chase after Ham, smacking him with their hats, and pelting him with their gloves, except Benny, who quietly gathers up his gear, and Smalls, who watches in confusion]
No, you don't understand! That wasn't my ball!
It was my stepdad's. I stole it from his trophy room. It was a present or something. Somebody gave it to him, but we gotta get it back. He's gonna kill me!
Listen to me, Smalls. This is a matter of life and death. Where did your old man get that ball?
What? I don't know. Some lady gave it to him. Why? [the Sandlot kids are confused] Yeah, she even signed her name on it. Some lady named... Ruth. Baby Ruth.
Everyone else
BABE RUTH??!!
[Everyone rushes back to Smalls screaming after seeing the ball getting taken by The Beast.]
Hey, guys! What's going on?
The Beast got it!
You're dead as a doornail, Smalls.
You're dead as a doornail, Smalls.
Smalls, you mean to tell me you went home and swiped a ball that was signed by Babe Ruth, and you brought it out here and actually played with it?!
And actually played with it?!
Yeah. Yeah, but I was gonna bring it back.
But it was signed by Babe Ruth!
Yeah. Yeah. You keep telling me that! Who is she?!
The Sultan of Swat!
The King of Crash!
The Colossus of Clout!
The Colossus of Clout!
Babe Ruth!
Everyone else
Yes!
Benny
Smalls, Babe Ruth was the greatest baseball player that ever lived. I mean, people said he was less than a god, but more than a man. Like, Hercules, or something. That ball you just aced to The Beast is worth...well, more than your whole life, man.
[nauseated]
Ohh... I don't feel so good. [collapses to his knees as he's almost about to throw up]
Uh-oh, fan him. Give him air. Give him air. [ they start fanning Smalls to cool him down]
We gotta get that ball back.
