Mystery Men quotes

View Quote "I have created a beautiful machine that is going to encourage our fellow citizens to share my vision of the future! Can you dig it?"

View Quote "This contraption is, in fact, a weapon of mass destruction. Casanova plans to turn it against the city at midnight." ~ Captain Amazing

View Quote "Well, actually, it's an electro-nuclear-magnet. It's the next inevitable phase."

View Quote "Kill ya later — super-losers!" ~ Tony P

View Quote "You keep dreaming... wanna-be!" ~ Officer Maguire

View Quote "Okay, okay — the Six Very Nearly Dead Guys With a Temporary Reprieve. That's it! That's your name!" ~ Tony P

View Quote "Let's do some CARNAGE!"

View Quote Monica: What's your name?
Mr. Furious: D-do you mean my secret identity? 'Cause I couldn't...
Monica: No, I just mean your name.
Mr. Furious: My name. Ummm... wow. Okay... It's...Phoenix... Phoenix Dark... Dirk... Phoenix... Dark Dirk. I was christened Dirk Steel and then I changed it to Phoenix...
Monica: Forget about it. It's okay.
Mr. Furious: It's Roy! That's... that's my name. My... my real name's Roy.
Monica: Just. Be. Roy.

View Quote [Rescuing Captain Amazing from Casanova's weapon of mass destruction]
Captain Amazing: Now flip the second toggle.
The Bowler: [Having already flipped on his instructions once] ... Again?
Captain Amazing: What do you mean?
The Bowler: Flip the toggle twice?
Captain Amazing: No-no-no, don't do that, just flip it again, now, one time! Flip it.
The Bowler: [To Mr. Furious] ... Does he understand what I'm asking?
Mr. Furious: Hold on a second - Captain, exactly how many toggle flips in toto are involved in this procedure?
Captain Amazing: [Flustered] I just - I - Seven!
Mr. Furious: [Incredulous] Seven?!
Captain Amazing: [A little hysterical] Flip it!!
[The weapon begins to hum omniously and increasingly loudly]
The Bowler: Hold the phone! Everybody hold the phone. You phrased that incorrectly. We need to know how many toggle flips are needed not counting the gratuitous toggle flip you may have asked for in a moment of panic.
Captain Amazing: [Very hysterical] FLIP IT!!!
Mr. Furious: Okay, you know what, can we just start again? Is there like a reset button on this thing or something?
Captain Amazing: No you little freak, there's no button for resetting! Flip the switch, lady! Don't look at me, lift your left arm and flip it, you moron!
The Bowler: [Offended] Whoa! I am not a moron.
Captain Amazing: You're a moron! You're a moron! Flip the switch, lady!
Mr. Furious: [Gently rebuking] Hey, don't call her a moron, that's not cool...
The Bowler: Thank you!
Blue Raj: [Fed up] I'll do it! I'll do it! It's this one, yes?
The Bowler: No!
[Blue Raj flips the wrong switch - the weapon activates]
Captain Amazing: Uh-oh - wrong switch.
[The weapon kills Captain Amazing in a horrific and grotesque fashion as the Mystery Men watch, appalled]
Mr. Furious: ... Everybody heard me say 'reset button', right?
Blue Raja: [Horrified] Oh my God... Oh my God, we've killed him...
The Shoveler: What do you mean, 'we'? I was right here.
[The Bowler approaches Amazing's fried, calcified and mutated corpse cautiously]
The Bowler: I'm gonna check his pulse...
[She gently touches his wrist; it breaks off from his arm and smashes into pieces on the floor]
The Bowler: ... I don't think he's gonna pull through.

View Quote [The other heroes try to help Mr. Furious regain his anger-feuled super powers.]
Shoveler: Come on, somebody do something! We need him!
Bowler: Okay, let's do this. You're a very furious man. Do you understand that?
Mr. Furious: No.
Bowler: No? Well, you've got a lot to be furious about, and I'll tell you why. You're - not well-liked. You're, uh, abrasive and off-putting. You try to say pithy things, but your wit is a hindrance... so therefore nothing is provacative, it's just mixed metaphors. Now doesn't that make you angry? Does it infuriate you?
Mr. Furious: No.
Bowler: Well, it should! Are you angry? Come ON, man!
Shoveler: Your penmanship is atrocious!
Sphinx: You dress in the manner of a male prostitute.

View Quote Bowler: Have you ever heard of Carmine the Bowler?
Shoveler: Have we ever heard...
Blue Raja: Cor blimey, miss, don't tell us you're the Bowler's daughter!
Mr. Furious: I seem to remember there being a little controversy around his death.
Bowler: That's right. The police said it was an accident. He'd come home late one night and fell down an elevator shaft. Onto some bullets.
Blue Raja: You know, I've always suspected a bit of foul play.
Bowler: As have I.

View Quote [The Blue Raja's mom walks in on him, in full costume, rummaging through her silverware drawer]
Mom: Jeffrey, what are you doing?
Blue Raja: I'm, uh, I'm just... I... I... [shifts to British accent] I'm a superhero, mother.
Mom: A superhero?
Blue Raja: An effete British superhero, to be precise. The Blue Raja is my name, and yes, I know I don't wear much blue and I speak in a British accent, but if you know your history it really does make perfect sense. I am pilfering your tableware because...I hurl it. I hurl it with a deadly accuracy. The point is, your boy's a Limey fork-flinger mother, hard cheese to swallow I know, but there it is. What will the bridge club think?

View Quote The Shoveler: Oh yeah, well, maybe if we had a billionaire benefactor like Lance Hunt, then we could afford some advertising.
Mr. Furious: I think that's because Lance Hunt is Captain Amazing.
Blue Raja: Oh, here we go.
Shoveler: Oh, don't start that again! Lance Hunt wears glasses. Captain Amazing doesn't wear glasses.
Mr. Furious: [Long-suffering] He takes them off when he transforms.
Shoveler: That doesn't make any sense. He wouldn't be able to see!

View Quote Mr. Furious: Do yourself a favor and don't punch my clock, 'cause I'm a Pantera's box you do not wanna open.
Casanova Frankenstein: It is 'Pandora'.
Mr. Furious: Uh, please don't correct me. It sickens me.

View Quote Vic the publicist: I think right now we should focus on the positive. Tonight was good.
Captain Amazing: Yeah - you think so? 'Cause I was worried it was, um, I don't know... PATHETIC! "Amazing triumphs at a nursing home"? That's great copy, Vic.
Vic: Look, I'm a publicist, not a magician. You want big news, you have to have big fights. A superhero needs a supervillain. And thanks to you, we've got none left.
Captain Amazing: Then get... the... Death Man!
Vic: Death Man is dead.
Captain Amazing: Okay — Father Doom.
Vic: Life without parole. Apocalypta's doing fifty years. Armagezzmo's in exile. Baron von Chaos got the chair —
Captain Amazing: Really?
Vic: Casanova Frankenstein is locked up in a nut-house.
Captain Amazing: Casanova Frankenstein - now there was a supervillain! You know, he just... he's got those eyes, you know? I can't do it, but... and that voice! Such pure evil! The battles we used to have — extraordinary!
Vic: "Used to." That's the problem, Captain. "Used to."