[Jeebs is an alien who has sold an illegal weapon to a cephalopod. K shoots his head apart when he won't admit this. He begins regrowing it]
You insensitive prick! Do you have any idea how much that stings?
Agent K
Patricia McPherson · 30 quotes
Agent J
19 quotes
Dr. Laurel Weaver
Linda Fiorentino · 10 quotes
James Darrell Edwards / Agent J
9 quotes
Jack Jeebs
Tony Shalhoub · 2 quotes
Most scenes together: Agent J & Agent K (17), Agent K & Dr. Laurel Weaver (5), Agent J & Dr. Laurel Weaver (5)
Men in Black quotes
Page 3 of 4
Agent L
[Last lines] [J gathers up some tabloids whose front pages show events from the pursuit of the Bug, as well as one that shows K reunited with his girlfriend after supposedly waking from a 35-year coma. He takes them and a hot dog to Laurel, who has now joined MIB as Agent L and partnered with J.]
Hey, J! Zed called. The High Councilor from Solaxiant 9 wants floor seats for the Knicks-Bulls game.
All right, let's put in a call to Dennis Rodman. He's from that planet. [hands L her hot dog]
Agent L
Rodman? You're kidding.
Nope.
Agent L
Not much of a disguise.
[Laurel is trying to bluff The Bug so she can escape]
You don't want to eat me. I'm a very important person on my planet. Like a queen, a goddess even! There are those who worship me. I'm not saying this to try and impress you, I'm just saying it could start a war!
Edgar/The Bug
Good! War, that means more food for my family, all 78 million of them. That's a lot of mouths to feed, Your Highness.
You're a wonderful dad, but I'm staying HERE! [Escapes]
Edgar/The Bug
Ohhh...
Gentle Rosenberg
[Rosenberg meets with an Arquillian envoy at a diner, speaking in their native tongue]
Sorry I'm late. The cab drivers on this planet are terrible.
Arquillian Your Majesty, you are in grave danger.
Gentle Rosenberg
Yeah, and they overcharge you every time.
Arquillian Sir, a bug landed here. We must get you off the planet.
Gentle Rosenberg
A bug? He must know why I'm here.
Arquillian We think he does. [glances at a small container] Is that what I think it is?
Gentle Rosenberg
No, just some diamonds for your children. Do we have time to eat?
Arquillian Sure. I ordered you some pierogi. [Rosenberg is delighted]
Chef
[In the kitchen, the chef brings out the Arquillians' order]
Six is up! [looks confused] Where is Ivan?
Edgar/Bug
Gave him a break.
Arquillian [Under the counter, Ivan is literally broken in half] [raising his glass]
To the continued reign of the Arquillian Empire.
Gentle Rosenberg
To the safety of the Galaxy.
Gentle Rosenberg
[Edgar/Bug puts the plates down, depositing cockroaches onto Rosenberg's] [in English]
You can kill us both, but you will not find the Galaxy.
Edgar/Bug
You're right about one thing.
[Edgar/Bug spears both Arquillians through the throat and takes the diamonds]
[after being screamed at by K for selling a reverberating carbonizer with mutate capacity to an unlicensed cephalopoid]
He looked alright to me!
[After J accidentally activates a device that causes havoc around the headquarters]
This thing caused the 1977 New York blackout. Practical joke by the Great Attractor. He thought it was funny as hell.
[Speaking about Laurel]
Veeery interesting. She's got a real 'Queen of the Undead' thing going on there.
Of the body.
Oh, great body.
[to Agent K, while wearing his suit for the first time]
You know what the difference is between you and me? I make this look good.
[To Jeebs]
I want you on the next transport off this rock, or I'm gonna shoot you where it don't grow back.
[voiceover, as Edwards becomes Agent J]
You will dress only in attire specially sanctioned by MIB Special Services. You'll conform to the identity we give you, eat where we tell you, live where we tell you. From now on, you'll have no identifying marks of any kind. You will not stand out in any way. Your entire image is crafted to leave no lasting memory with anyone you encounter. You are a rumor, recognizable only as déjà vu and dismissed just as quickly. You don't exist; you were never even born. Anonymity is your name, silence your native tongue. You are no longer part of the System. You are above the System. Over it. Beyond it. We're "them". We're "they". We are the Men in Black.
[When goading the bug into eating him]
Hey! Hey, bug! Wait a minute, I'm talking to you. You know how many of your kind I've swatted with a newspaper? You're nothing but a smear on the sports page to me, you slimy, gut-sucking intestinal parasite! Eat me! EAT ME!!!