Kate [Kate and Bugs drive through the streets of Las Vegas, looking for Daffy.]
There's gotta be 314 hotels and 142 casinos in Las Vegas! We are never gonna find that duck.
[Suddenly, Daffy runs into the street and is promptly plastered onto the windshield. Kate gasps.]
Hee-hee. Daff never misses a cue.
[D.J. arrives, peels off Daffy, and tosses him into the back seat, upside down, next to Bugs.]
Eh, what's up, Duck?
[D.J. notices Kate in the driver's seat of the car]
You!
Kate You!
[In the desert, D.J. spots a Wal-Mart store, rippling in the heat]
Hey, look at that!
Is it a mirage, or just product placement?
Who cares? With shopping convenience at such low prices!
[Daffy runs toward the image.]
Water! Fresca! Mountain Dew! Your product name here! Woo-hoo-hoo!
D DJ
[to Kate]
Is this your idea?
Kate [She opens her mouth to object, then gets defensive.]
The audience expects it. They don't even notice this kind of thing anymore.
[D.J. shares his disappointed look with the audience; later, the intrepid adventurers depart the desert Wal-Mart with beverages]
Nice of Wal-Mart to provide these Wal-Mart beverages in retoin for us saying "Wal-Mart" so many times.
M Mother
[Inside the Area 52 lab, chief spy-scientist Mother talks to the DJ et al.]
This isn't about the giant ants, is it?
Kate Giant... ants?
M Mother
'Cause they're not really ants... anymore.
[Mother drinks from a flask of blue liquid.]
Tell me about the Blue Monkey.
M Mother
[She spews her beverage on D.J.]
How do you know about that thing that I've never heard of in my entire life?
M Mother
What is the point of making them pinky-swear?!
Hold everything. [looking over the script] "Daffy gets blasted." Mm-hmm. Page 7: "Daffy gets blasted." Uh-huh. Page 8: "Daffy gets blasted again!" [to the boardroom members, Kate Houghton, and the Warner Bros.] What's the matter with you people? We can't do this kind of stuff anymore. [to the Warner Bros.] The Brothers Warner, show biz legends like me shouldn't have to play stooge… to that long-eared, carrot-chomping, overbite-challenged—
Eh, what's up, doc? [to the boardroom members] Hi, Bobby. How's your wife? Great nose job, Chuck. Thanks, goils. Good rug, Mel. Never wouldv'e guessed it. [to Daffy] Eh, pardon me.
[to the Warner Bros.]
Warner Brothers, I think Daff's right. Maybe I'll take a vacation. [shows the boardroom members his wallet full of photos of his many relatives] Go visit my five hundred and foity-two nieces and nephews.
Kate Houghton [to Daffy]
Mr. Duck, excuse me, I'm sorry. I don't see how we can have a Bugs Bunny movie without Bugs Bunny.
Oh, my. Heavens, no. You can't have a Bugs Bunny movie without Bugs Bunny. And if you don't mind me asking, who's glorified personal assistant are you?
Kate Houghton Kate Houghton, Vice President Comedy.
Oh. Right. [Looks down to see his hands on ice]
[to his brother about Kate]
Kate did Lethal Weapon Babies.
Mr. Warner's Brother: Finally. A Lethal Weapon that I can take my grandchildren to see.
Kate Houghton [to the boardroom members]
Gentlemen, check your phones. [shows Daffy a green bar graph chart accompanied by Bugs' picture next to it on each boardroom member's phone] Our current research shows that Bugs Bunny is a core asset that appeals to male and female audiences both young and old alike throughout the universe, [the graph chart switches to a red bar graph chart accompanied by a 2D sprite of Daffy on it, which crashes in the ground as the graph goes down] while your fanbase is limited down to angry fat guys in basements.
Yeah, but... but... [to the boardroom members] Aw, come on, fellas! I'm thrice the entertainer the rabbit is!
So, it has come to this. I'm afraid that Brothers Warner must choose between a handsome matinee idol, or this miscreant perpetrator of LOW burlesque. [points at Bugs, who is wearing Groucho glasses and a spinning bowtie; everyone laughs]
Mr. Warner's Brother: Whichever one's not the duck.
[Daffy gasps, then, a boardroom member places a box labeled "Property of Mr. Duck", which has all of Daffy’s belongings, including a Bugs plush with needles on it, a big Daffy plush, a book called "Learn to draw Bugs Bunny and Friends", with Daffy replacing Bugs’ name with his own, and a picture of Daffy with the Warner Bros.]
Say, that's the stuff from my office.
You don't have an office.
Mr. Warner's Brother: Not any more.
Symbolically, this is bad. [begs at the Warner Bros.] Please, Brother! Uh, other Brother? [jumps on Kate] Icy she-wolf? Help me, please! I'm too young and tender to retire. Hoo-Hoo?
Kate Houghton Let me escort you out.
WAIT! [Kate drags Daffy out of the boardroom] I haven't tried toadying, kowtowing and butt-kissing yet! I'm still begging here!
[indicating Daffy in hand]
Miss Houghton!
CC Camera crew
[as a result of the Batmobile crashing into the Warner Bros. studio water tower, it starts to overturn in front of D.J., Kate, Bugs, and Daffy]
Get out of the way! Watch out!
[the water tower overturns, dousing Kate and Bugs and their car in water]
Well, what do you know? I've found Nemo.
[to DJ, about Kate]
I think she likes you.
Kate Houghton [turns around, and looks at D.J. and Daffy with an angry look on her face]
SG Security Guard
[cut to a close-up view of D.J.'s right arm, as a security guard's hand rips the Warner Bros. Studios badge off of D.J.'s right sleeve] [to D.J.]
Your father would be so ashamed of you.
But I was... it was...
[the main gate shuts tight behind D.J. as he walks away]
PP Porky Pig
[Porky Pig and Speedy Gonzales chat and have lunch in the cafeteria] [to Speedy]
Eh, at first they tell me to lose the stutter. Now they tell me I'm not funny! [sighs] It's a pain in the butt, being p-p-p-politically correct.
SG Speedy Gonzales
You're telling me.
S Shaggy
[pan over to Shaggy and Scooby-Doo sitting across a table from Matthew Lillard, who portrayed Shaggy in the live-action adaptation; Shaggy is chastizing Lillard for his performance]
What kind of performance do you call that?! You made me sound like a total space cadet, man!
ML Matthew Lillard
I'm sorry you feel that way. I was just trying to be real to your character.
S Shaggy
If you, like, goof on me in the sequel, I'm coming after you!
SD Scooby-Doo
Yeah! And I'll give you a Scooby Sna-AAAAAARRRRLLL!
Kate Houghton [Lillard flinches as Scooby snarls; pan over to Kate and Bugs discussing an upcoming Bugs Bunny film] [to Bugs]
There are a few areas of the script I think we need to address. There's no heart, no cooperation, nobody learns anything...
[as Sam Sheepdog and Ralph Wolf both enter the cafeteria, and then sit down at a nearby table]
Daffy learns not to stick his head in a jet engine.
Kate Houghton He's gone.
No, Daffy always comes back. I just tell him how much I need him. We hug, we cry, I drop somethin' heavy on him, I laugh.
Kate Houghton The duck is history, okay? [calms down, as Ralph attempts to eat a sheep with a fork, but Sam stops him] So, the question is, how can we help you reposition your brand identity? Answer, we'll team you up with a hot female co-star.
Usually, [spins around and dresses up in a woman's dress, wig, and makeup, and then speaks in a falsetto voice] I play the female love interest.
MJ Michigan J. Frog
[at a nearby table, Michigan J. Frog sees Bugs in drag, and then attracts her with his singing and dancing] [to Bugs, singing]
Hello, my baby. Hello, my honey. Hello, my ragtime gal.
Kate Houghton [to Bugs, as Michigan continues singing]
Okay, about the cross-dressing thing. In the past, funny. Today, disturbing.
[as he takes off the dress, and the wig]
Listen, lady, if you don't find a rabbit wearing lipstick amusing, you and I have nothin' to say to each other.
Kate Houghton [gets serious]
Look, I'm trying to be nice, but I was brought in to leverage your synergy! And I'm not going to let you, or some wacky duck...
[wipes the makeup off his face]
Daffy.
Kate Houghton Wacky, daffy, nutty, fruit cake, crispy over rice, it doesn't matter!
Well, these matter. [gets out his eight Award statuettes from underneath the table, and then puts them on the top of the table] And this. [gets out his Hollywood Walk of Fame tile with his name on it from underneath the table, and then puts it on the top of the table next to the Award statuettes] And they say we get Daffy back. [to his Award statuettes] Right, boys?
Bugs's Award statuettes: [in unison] We want Daffy! We want Daffy! Bring him Back! We love Daffy!
[a very disappointed Kate receives a smile from Bugs]
See, I told you this wouldn’t work without— [Elmer shoots Bugs]
[Cut to Kate, Bugs, and the Warner Bros. in the screening room, where Bugs is all bandaged up from Elmer's gunshot] [coughing and groaning]
Oh! Oh pain! Oh agony!
[Kate sighs with an embarrassed smile as the Warner Bros. look at her calming but in disgust] Mr. Warner's Brother: You're fired.
[Kate in disbelief and horror while trying to explain]
You got rid of our best duck.
Kate Houghton What?! [Kate stands up from her seat and looks at the Warner Bros., with Bugs (no longer hurt or all bandaged up) pretending to be the third Warner Brother] You can't fire me. My films have made 950 million dollars!
That's not a billion.
Mr. Warner's Brother: Nope. Not a billion.
Kate Houghton Okay, I think we can all agree that the decision of firing the duck was a bad one. But it's time to move on. And by move on, I mean reverse course and get Daffy back.
Kate Houghton I'll have Daffy back by Monday.
[the Warner Brothers exit the room]
Eh, that went well. Listen, dollface, if I know Daffy, he's already hit the road by now.
[while playing dead]
: Doesn’t anyone knock anymore?
Kate Houghton [aggravated]
: Why are you torturing me? What have I ever done that... [before she can say anything, she sees posters of Damien Drake and a picture of both him and his son, D.J., in front of the Warner Bros. Studio and she quickly gets her answer] Great. I just fired the son of our biggest star. This has been a career making day, Kate. First you get rid of the Duck everybody hates, but then, of course, they all want him back. [Bugs appears in a knight’s armor with a sly, arrogant and narrow look and smiles upon her confession of her wrongdoings and saying that he was right from the start about the bad decision she made and should’ve kept Daffy before she begins to tears up] And worst of all, you get into a big fight with Bugs Bunny… [these words soon cause Bugs to turn surprised and wonders with thought] who you revere, and who you've tried to model your life after.
[her words were finally enough to make Bugs' eyes turn all puppy like and begins to tear up as he rises out of the armor as one of his tears roll down one of his whiskers] [finally unable to bear it any longer]
Oh, I hate to see a grown man cry! [acts sarcastic to audience] Especially when it's a girl. Listen, toots. Would it stop the waterworks if I told you Daffy was going to Las Vegas with that guy DJ?
Kate Houghton It might.
Well, then. How's about we travel in style in this?
[cut to garage doors opening as the two get seated in the spy car Tuscan]
