D.J.
There's a man there! He's got a woman! She's tied up in a burlap sack and he's taking her to the Eiffel Tower!
Pepe
Ah, eet eez Spring, eez eet not?
4th most-quoted character in Looney Tunes: Back in Action (2003): in 12 of its 47 quotes
Most scenes with: Daffy (9), Kate (5), Bugs Bunny (3)
Scenes with D.J.
12 scenes
D.J.
[D.J. and Daffy Duck drive to Las Vegas.]
I'm not a security guard! For your information, it's just a job. It's what I do for money.
Um-hmm.
D.J.
What I really do is... I'm... I'm a... I'm a stuntman.
Hah! You, a stuntman? Please!
D.J.
I am! Did you see those Mummy movies? I'm in them more than Brendan Fraser is.
D.J.
[Daffy rolls his eyes, complete with cartoon sound effect]
Oh, no, you couldn't stand that! One day, he decides to say, "No-no-no! The Bren-Master does all his own stunts"!
Foghorn Leghorn
(to D.J.)
Card, sir?
D.J.
Hit me.
Foghorn Leghorn
Don't-- I say, don't 'cha wanna look at your cards first, son? Boy's 'bout as sharp as a bowlin' ball.
[Daffy and D.J. finally escape the Wooden Nickel]
I say we do Cirque de Soleil and call it a night.
[Kate and Bugs drive through the streets of Las Vegas, looking for Daffy.]
There's gotta be 314 hotels and 142 casinos in Las Vegas! We are never gonna find that duck.
[Suddenly, Daffy runs into the street and is promptly plastered onto the windshield. Kate gasps.]
Hee-hee. Daff never misses a cue.
[D.J. arrives, peels off Daffy, and tosses him into the back seat, upside down, next to Bugs.]
Eh, what's up, Duck?
Don't you start with me.
D.J.
[D.J. notices Kate in the driver's seat of the car]
You!
You!
Him?
Her!
Them!
D.J.
[In the desert, D.J. spots a Wal-Mart store, rippling in the heat]
Hey, look at that!
Is it a mirage, or just product placement?
Who cares? With shopping convenience at such low prices!
[Daffy runs toward the image.]
Water! Fresca! Mountain Dew! Your product name here! Woo-hoo-hoo!
DJ
[to Kate]
Is this your idea?
[She opens her mouth to object, then gets defensive.]
The audience expects it. They don't even notice this kind of thing anymore.
[D.J. shares his disappointed look with the audience; later, the intrepid adventurers depart the desert Wal-Mart with beverages]
Nice of Wal-Mart to provide these Wal-Mart beverages in retoin for us saying "Wal-Mart" so many times.
Mother
[Inside the Area 52 lab, chief spy-scientist Mother talks to the DJ et al.]
This isn't about the giant ants, is it?
Giant... ants?
Mother
'Cause they're not really ants... anymore.
D.J.
[Mother drinks from a flask of blue liquid.]
Tell me about the Blue Monkey.
Mother
[She spews her beverage on D.J.]
How do you know about that thing that I've never heard of in my entire life?
D.J.
My dad told me.
Mother
What is the point of making them pinky-swear?!
D.J. Drake
Lady, this is Daffy Duck.
Exactly. Not anymore. We already owned the name.
[to Kate]
Oh, yeah?! Well, you can't stop me from calling myself D... [gasps] D... [gasps again] Well, what do you know?
D.J. Drake
[to Kate]
You fired Daffy Duck?
No, I didn't. I did... I mean... They did.
D.J. Drake
[indicating Daffy in hand]
Miss Houghton!
Camera crew
[as a result of the Batmobile crashing into the Warner Bros. studio water tower, it starts to overturn in front of D.J., Kate, Bugs, and Daffy]
Get out of the way! Watch out!
[the water tower overturns, dousing Kate and Bugs and their car in water]
Well, what do you know? I've found Nemo.
[turns around, and looks at D.J. and Daffy with an angry look on her face]
D.J. Drake
Oops!
Security Guard
[cut to a close-up view of D.J.'s right arm, as a security guard's hand rips the Warner Bros. Studios badge off of D.J.'s right sleeve] [to D.J.]
Your father would be so ashamed of you.
D.J. Drake
But I was... it was...
[the main gate shuts tight behind D.J. as he walks away]
D.J. Drake
Hello?
Son?
D.J. Drake
Dad? What are you doing in the painting?
I wanted you to keep out of this, but there's nobody I can trust. Can you hold on a second?
D.J. Drake
[in the background, Damian Drake is fighting a group of thugs]
Are you shooting a movie or something?
Come to Las Vegas. [more fighting in background] Ask Dusty Tails for the Blue Monkey.
D.J. Drake
The Blue Monkey? What's a blue monkey?
A diamond. A very special diamond. Find Dusty Tails.
D.J. Drake
[as the fighting continues yet still]
Hey! Dad, do you need me to call the police or something?
[uses his mouth to pull the pin out of a hand grenade, lobbing it behind him; the grenade explodes on a thug]
No. No police.
D.J. Drake
Dad, are you all right?
I'm sorry I never told you this before, but I— [thugs finally manage to catch him in a hold, Damian struggles visibly. The video call cuts off]
[en-route to Las Vegas, after repeated attempts of throwing Daffy out of DJ's car, DJ eventually gives up] [stretches]
It's good to stretch.
D.J. Drake
You know, I'm getting really tired of throwing you out of the car.
That's my plan in a nutshell. Now listen. If we run into anything that requires super-spy skills, like cracking wise, smooching dames, you better leave that to me. However, if we have any security guarding needs...
D.J. Drake
Very funny, duck! I'm not a security guard! For your information, it's just a job. It's what I do for money.
Mm-hmm.
D.J. Drake
What I really do is...I'm...I'm a... I'm a stuntman.
Hah! You, a stuntman? Please!
D.J. Drake
I am! Did you see those Mummy movies? I'm in them more than Brendan Fraser is. [Daffy rolls his eyes, complete with cartoon sound effect] Oh, no, he couldn't stand that! One day, he decides to say, "No-no-no! The Bren-Master does all his own stunts"!
Listen, muscles. If this heap ever makes it to Vegas, I'll do all the stunts. Capische?
D.J. Drake
So what about this Blue Monkey?
Dusty Tails
Your father's assignment was to track it down before the chairman could. The diamond has supernatural powers. It would be a disaster if it fell into the wrong hands. I was supposed to give him this. [shows DJ a Queen of Diamonds playing card with the Mona Lisa's face superimposed on it; Daffy takes the card briefly]
This is not a king-sized diamond. This is a Queen of Diamonds! What kind of sick joke is this?!
D.J. Drake
[Dusty chops Daffy in the gullet]
Can I have that?
Dusty Tails
That is so sweet! You, trying to take over for your father. These evil forces, they're bad people!
Relax, sister! I don't know the meaning of the word "fear"! [opens the door and finds himself facing a lit cannon with Yosemite Sam and his henchmen]
Say your prayers, Duck!
"Fear: Noun. A state of terror".
[everyone scatters as the cannon prepares to fire]
Foghorn Leghorn
[to D.J.]
Card, sir?
D.J. Drake
Hit me.
Foghorn Leghorn
Don't-I say, don't 'cha wanna look at your cards first, son? Boy's 'bout as sharp as a bowlin' ball.
D.J. Drake
Hit me!
[a low value card is dealt out, and DJ continues playing, to the ire of Yosemite Sam]
Hit me!
[DJ continues nonetheless, receiving more low value cards]
No, no, no! HIT ME, FRAGNABBIT!
Foghorn Leghorn
[actually hitting Sam with a paddle, who is reduced to incoherent angry babbling]
He's the boss. Card, sir?
D.J. Drake
[nervous, believing he'd get the same treatment]
Hit me?
Foghorn Leghorn
[The Mona Lisa card is dealt]
Twenty-one, a winner! [DJ quickly snatches the card and runs off, Daffy in tow]
