Hold everything. [looking over the script] "Daffy gets blasted." Mm-hmm. Page 7: "Daffy gets blasted." Uh-huh. Page 8: "Daffy gets blasted again!" [to the boardroom members, Kate Houghton, and the Warner Bros.] What's the matter with you people? We can't do this kind of stuff anymore. [to the Warner Bros.] The Brothers Warner, show biz legends like me shouldn't have to play stooge… to that long-eared, carrot-chomping, overbite-challenged—
Eh, what's up, doc? [to the boardroom members] Hi, Bobby. How's your wife? Great nose job, Chuck. Thanks, goils. Good rug, Mel. Never wouldv'e guessed it. [to Daffy] Eh, pardon me.
[to the Warner Bros.]
Warner Brothers, I think Daff's right. Maybe I'll take a vacation. [shows the boardroom members his wallet full of photos of his many relatives] Go visit my five hundred and foity-two nieces and nephews.
[to Daffy]
Mr. Duck, excuse me, I'm sorry. I don't see how we can have a Bugs Bunny movie without Bugs Bunny.
Oh, my. Heavens, no. You can't have a Bugs Bunny movie without Bugs Bunny. And if you don't mind me asking, who's glorified personal assistant are you?
Kate Houghton, Vice President Comedy.
Oh. Right. [Looks down to see his hands on ice]
W Mr. Warner
[to his brother about Kate]
Kate did Lethal Weapon Babies.
Mr. Warner's Brother: Finally. A Lethal Weapon that I can take my grandchildren to see.
[to the boardroom members]
Gentlemen, check your phones. [shows Daffy a green bar graph chart accompanied by Bugs' picture next to it on each boardroom member's phone] Our current research shows that Bugs Bunny is a core asset that appeals to male and female audiences both young and old alike throughout the universe, [the graph chart switches to a red bar graph chart accompanied by a 2D sprite of Daffy on it, which crashes in the ground as the graph goes down] while your fanbase is limited down to angry fat guys in basements.
Yeah, but... but... [to the boardroom members] Aw, come on, fellas! I'm thrice the entertainer the rabbit is!
So, it has come to this. I'm afraid that Brothers Warner must choose between a handsome matinee idol, or this miscreant perpetrator of LOW burlesque. [points at Bugs, who is wearing Groucho glasses and a spinning bowtie; everyone laughs]
Mr. Warner's Brother: Whichever one's not the duck.
[Daffy gasps, then, a boardroom member places a box labeled "Property of Mr. Duck", which has all of Daffy’s belongings, including a Bugs plush with needles on it, a big Daffy plush, a book called "Learn to draw Bugs Bunny and Friends", with Daffy replacing Bugs’ name with his own, and a picture of Daffy with the Warner Bros.]
Say, that's the stuff from my office.
W Mr. Warner
You don't have an office.
Mr. Warner's Brother: Not any more.
Symbolically, this is bad. [begs at the Warner Bros.] Please, Brother! Uh, other Brother? [jumps on Kate] Icy she-wolf? Help me, please! I'm too young and tender to retire. Hoo-Hoo?
WAIT! [Kate drags Daffy out of the boardroom] I haven't tried toadying, kowtowing and butt-kissing yet! I'm still begging here!
See, I told you this wouldn’t work without— [Elmer shoots Bugs]
[Cut to Kate, Bugs, and the Warner Bros. in the screening room, where Bugs is all bandaged up from Elmer's gunshot] [coughing and groaning]
Oh! Oh pain! Oh agony!
[Kate sighs with an embarrassed smile as the Warner Bros. look at her calming but in disgust] Mr. Warner's Brother: You're fired.
W Mr. Warner
[Kate in disbelief and horror while trying to explain]
You got rid of our best duck.
What?! [Kate stands up from her seat and looks at the Warner Bros., with Bugs (no longer hurt or all bandaged up) pretending to be the third Warner Brother] You can't fire me. My films have made 950 million dollars!
W Mr. Warner
That's not a billion.
Mr. Warner's Brother: Nope. Not a billion.
Okay, I think we can all agree that the decision of firing the duck was a bad one. But it's time to move on. And by move on, I mean reverse course and get Daffy back.
WB Warner Brothers
By Monday.
I'll have Daffy back by Monday.
[the Warner Brothers exit the room]
Eh, that went well. Listen, dollface, if I know Daffy, he's already hit the road by now.
