Looney Tunes: Back in Action (2003) · 47 quotes
Most-quoted character in Looney Tunes: Back in Action (2003): in 29 of its 47 quotes
Most scenes with: Bugs Bunny (14), D.J. (9), Kate (8)
Eh, just a suggestion, but all those in favor of not hittin' that wall, say "aye".
AYE!!!
Daffy Mother!
Taking you to Mother!
[the car takes to the sky before it can hit the wall]
I'm not a security guard! For your information, it's just a job. It's what I do for money.
Daffy Um-hmm.
What I really do is... I'm... I'm a... I'm a stuntman.
Daffy Hah! You, a stuntman? Please!
I am! Did you see those Mummy movies? I'm in them more than Brendan Fraser is.
Oh, no, you couldn't stand that! One day, he decides to say, "No-no-no! The Bren-Master does all his own stunts"!
I also work for the Agency. Professional assassin. It's really hard for me to juggle the two sometimes. I don't know what I'm gonna do when I have kids!
Do you know how hard it is to find a nanny with advanced weapons training?
Daffy How many galoshes died to make that little number?
That is so sweet! You, trying to take over for your father. These evil forces, they're bad people!
Daffy Relax, sister! I don't know the meaning of the word "fear"!
Daffy "Fear: Noun. A state of terror". Aaaah!
Card, sir?
Hit me.
Don't-- I say, don't 'cha wanna look at your cards first, son? Boy's 'bout as sharp as a bowlin' ball.
Daffy I say we do Cirque de Soleil and call it a night.
Daffy How 'bout the Liberace Museum?
There's gotta be 314 hotels and 142 casinos in Las Vegas! We are never gonna find that duck.
Hee-hee. Daff never misses a cue.
Eh, what's up, Duck?
Daffy Don't you start with me.
You!
Daffy You!
Him?
Daffy Her!
Bugs and Daffy Them!
Dynamite?! Who has dynamite?!
Daffy Welcome to my world.
Ha! Outta gas.
Is it a mirage, or just product placement?
Daffy Who cares? With shopping convenience at such low prices!
Daffy Water! Fresca! Mountain Dew! Your product name here! Woo-hoo-hoo!
Is this your idea?
The audience expects it. They don't even notice this kind of thing anymore.
Nice of Wal-Mart to provide these Wal-Mart beverages in retoin for us saying "Wal-Mart" so many times.
I told ya we shoulda made that left toin at Albuqwirky.
Daffy Don't start that again!
I'll take that!
Em, what gives, Doc? We made thoity-five pictures together.
Well, as it tuwns out, I'm secwetwy evil.
Daffy That's showbiz for ya!
Now, make with the card, so I can pwease my dark masters!
Daffy Well, this is surreal.
Stop, or I'll fire! [Attempts to take aim again]
Bugs and Daffy Yipe!
[Elmer fires, but the bullets are only propelled a few inches away. Elmer starts to melt completely out of shape. Bugs and Daffy make their way to the next painting through the wallpaper]
Pointillism. A technique using individual dots of pigment, which, taken together... [whips out a pocket electric fan] ...make an image. [turns on the fan.]
Aw, crud! [Elmer's dots start to disperse, until only his shoes are left.]
Bugs (to audience): I think, when you go to the movies, you should learn somethin'.
[Daffy is busy redrawing himself.]
Daffy What a fantastic view!
Unless you're in the audience, in which case you've been staring at an elephant's behind for thoity seconds.
You tricked me!
Eh, what's up, Darth?
Daffy What am I gonna do? What would Damian Drake do? What would Duck Dodgers do? [pause] Wait a minute, I am Duck Dodgers!
Daffy A-ha! I'm going to be the hero of this picture! [straps on a rocket] Duck Dodgers to the rescue!
Daffy Duck Dodgers to the rescue!
Daffy Duck Dodgers--
Daffy Duck!
Daffy It's You-Know-Who to the rescue! [to the camera] It helps if ya don't say the name.
Shhh. Be vewy, vewy quiet. I'm hunting wabbits. Ba ha ha ha!
Daffy Duck I am a duck bent on self-preservationum.
Daffy Duck Hold everything. [looking over the script] "Daffy gets blasted." Mm-hmm. Page 7: "Daffy gets blasted." Uh-huh. Page 8: "Daffy gets blasted again!" [to the boardroom members, Kate Houghton, and the Warner Bros.] What's the matter with you people? We can't do this kind of stuff anymore. [to the Warner Bros.] The Brothers Warner, show biz legends like me shouldn't have to play stooge… to that long-eared, carrot-chomping, overbite-challenged—
Eh, what's up, doc? [to the boardroom members] Hi, Bobby. How's your wife? Great nose job, Chuck. Thanks, goils. Good rug, Mel. Never wouldv'e guessed it. [to Daffy] Eh, pardon me.
Daffy Duck The pleasure is mine.
Warner Brothers, I think Daff's right. Maybe I'll take a vacation. [shows the boardroom members his wallet full of photos of his many relatives] Go visit my five hundred and foity-two nieces and nephews.
Mr. Duck, excuse me, I'm sorry. I don't see how we can have a Bugs Bunny movie without Bugs Bunny.
Daffy Duck Oh, my. Heavens, no. You can't have a Bugs Bunny movie without Bugs Bunny. And if you don't mind me asking, who's glorified personal assistant are you?
Kate Houghton, Vice President Comedy.
Daffy Duck Oh. Right. [Looks down to see his hands on ice]
Kate did Lethal Weapon Babies.
Mr. Warner's Brother: Finally. A Lethal Weapon that I can take my grandchildren to see.
Gentlemen, check your phones. [shows Daffy a green bar graph chart accompanied by Bugs' picture next to it on each boardroom member's phone] Our current research shows that Bugs Bunny is a core asset that appeals to male and female audiences both young and old alike throughout the universe, [the graph chart switches to a red bar graph chart accompanied by a 2D sprite of Daffy on it, which crashes in the ground as the graph goes down] while your fanbase is limited down to angry fat guys in basements.
Daffy Duck Yeah, but... but... [to the boardroom members] Aw, come on, fellas! I'm thrice the entertainer the rabbit is!
Daffy Duck So, it has come to this. I'm afraid that Brothers Warner must choose between a handsome matinee idol, or this miscreant perpetrator of LOW burlesque. [points at Bugs, who is wearing Groucho glasses and a spinning bowtie; everyone laughs]
Mr. Warner's Brother: Whichever one's not the duck.
Daffy Duck Say, that's the stuff from my office.
You don't have an office.
Mr. Warner's Brother: Not any more.
Daffy Duck Symbolically, this is bad. [begs at the Warner Bros.] Please, Brother! Uh, other Brother? [jumps on Kate] Icy she-wolf? Help me, please! I'm too young and tender to retire. Hoo-Hoo?
Let me escort you out.
Daffy Duck WAIT! [Kate drags Daffy out of the boardroom] I haven't tried toadying, kowtowing and butt-kissing yet! I'm still begging here!
Daffy Duck Some grip, lady.
Lady, this is Daffy Duck.
Exactly. Not anymore. We already owned the name.
Daffy Duck Oh, yeah?! Well, you can't stop me from calling myself D... [gasps] D... [gasps again] Well, what do you know?
No, I didn't. I did... I mean... They did.
Get out of the way! Watch out!
Well, what do you know? I've found Nemo.
Daffy I think she likes you.
Oops!
Your father would be so ashamed of you.
But I was... it was...
[the main gate shuts tight behind D.J. as he walks away]
Hello?
Son?
Dad? What are you doing in the painting?
I wanted you to keep out of this, but there's nobody I can trust. Can you hold on a second?
Are you shooting a movie or something?
Daffy Duck A new Damian Drake movie? Cool!
Come to Las Vegas. [more fighting in background] Ask Dusty Tails for the Blue Monkey.
The Blue Monkey? What's a blue monkey?
A diamond. A very special diamond. Find Dusty Tails.
Hey! Dad, do you need me to call the police or something?
No. No police.
Dad, are you all right?
I'm sorry I never told you this before, but I— [thugs finally manage to catch him in a hold, Damian struggles visibly. The video call cuts off]
Daffy Duck It's good to stretch.
You know, I'm getting really tired of throwing you out of the car.
Daffy Duck That's my plan in a nutshell. Now listen. If we run into anything that requires super-spy skills, like cracking wise, smooching dames, you better leave that to me. However, if we have any security guarding needs...
Very funny, duck! I'm not a security guard! For your information, it's just a job. It's what I do for money.
Daffy Duck Mm-hmm.
What I really do is...I'm...I'm a... I'm a stuntman.
Daffy Duck Hah! You, a stuntman? Please!
I am! Did you see those Mummy movies? I'm in them more than Brendan Fraser is. [Daffy rolls his eyes, complete with cartoon sound effect] Oh, no, he couldn't stand that! One day, he decides to say, "No-no-no! The Bren-Master does all his own stunts"!
Daffy Duck Listen, muscles. If this heap ever makes it to Vegas, I'll do all the stunts. Capische?
So what about this Blue Monkey?
Your father's assignment was to track it down before the chairman could. The diamond has supernatural powers. It would be a disaster if it fell into the wrong hands. I was supposed to give him this. [shows DJ a Queen of Diamonds playing card with the Mona Lisa's face superimposed on it; Daffy takes the card briefly]
Daffy Duck This is not a king-sized diamond. This is a Queen of Diamonds! What kind of sick joke is this?!
That is so sweet! You, trying to take over for your father. These evil forces, they're bad people!
Daffy Duck Relax, sister! I don't know the meaning of the word "fear"! [opens the door and finds himself facing a lit cannon with Yosemite Sam and his henchmen]
Say your prayers, Duck!
Daffy Duck "Fear: Noun. A state of terror".
[everyone scatters as the cannon prepares to fire]
Daffy Duck I say we do Cirque de Soleil and call it a night. [D.J. makes a mad dash for his car] How 'bout the Liberace Museum? All right. Let's see what this baby can really do. [suddenly the car sputters and turns to pieces from all the long driving] Now that's an interesting feature.
I'm telling ya, Daffy, I heard the Warner brothers say you were their best duck.
Daffy Duck Flattered though I may be, flattened I will not, in order for you to get all the laughs. It's all, "hoo-hoo, yuk-yuk," and then, "bam, wham, BLAM!"
And your tail is on fire.
Daffy Duck Exactly my point. The—
No, really. Your tail's on fire.
Daff, you're accident-prone.
Daffy Duck What am I talking to you for? All you have to do is munch on a carrot, and people love you.
Daffy Duck Yikes! Illegal aliens!
Exterminate them!
Darn! I knew this day would come...
[she goes to an alarm labelled "PUSH ONLY IN CASE THIS DAY COMES" and triggers it]
Well Daffy, you achieved your goal of being a hero.
Daffy Duck Yup. But you didn’t achieve your goal of getting me back in your stupid movie! Ah-HA!
Cut. Print. That's a wrap.
Daffy Duck Remind me to get a new agent, will you?
Bugs's Butler: Bugs is here. Gotta go.
The usual place, Mr. Bunny?
Very good, Ryan.
From now on, you and I are going to be equal partners in this thing. No more second banana for you.
Daffy Duck Well, thanks, pal. I really appreciate this. [the car drives away from him] At last, my star is rising. All my hopes and aspirations... [a giant light appears falling into the floor] Well, what do you know? My luck is changing already.
Goodnight, Porky. See you tomorrow.
Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-Th... Go home, folks.
[the lights went out]
