Eh, just a suggestion, but all those in favor of not hittin' that wall, say "aye".
AYE!!!
Mother!
Taking you to Mother!
[the car takes to the sky before it can hit the wall]
There's gotta be 314 hotels and 142 casinos in Las Vegas! We are never gonna find that duck.
Hee-hee. Daff never misses a cue.
Eh, what's up, Duck?
Don't you start with me.
You!
Him?
Her!
Them!
Ha! Outta gas.
Thanks, Toots.
Is it a mirage, or just product placement?
Who cares? With shopping convenience at such low prices!
Water! Fresca! Mountain Dew! Your product name here! Woo-hoo-hoo!
Is this your idea?
The audience expects it. They don't even notice this kind of thing anymore.
Nice of Wal-Mart to provide these Wal-Mart beverages in retoin for us saying "Wal-Mart" so many times.
I told ya we shoulda made that left toin at Albuqwirky.
Don't start that again!
I'll take that!
Em, what gives, Doc? We made thoity-five pictures together.
Well, as it tuwns out, I'm secwetwy evil.
Now, make with the card, so I can pwease my dark masters!
Pointillism. A technique using individual dots of pigment, which, taken together... [whips out a pocket electric fan] ...make an image. [turns on the fan.]
Aw, crud! [Elmer's dots start to disperse, until only his shoes are left.]
Bugs (to audience): I think, when you go to the movies, you should learn somethin'.
[Daffy is busy redrawing himself.]
What a fantastic view!
Unless you're in the audience, in which case you've been staring at an elephant's behind for thoity seconds.
You tricked me!
Eh, what's up, Darth?
Hold everything. [looking over the script] "Daffy gets blasted." Mm-hmm. Page 7: "Daffy gets blasted." Uh-huh. Page 8: "Daffy gets blasted again!" [to the boardroom members, Kate Houghton, and the Warner Bros.] What's the matter with you people? We can't do this kind of stuff anymore. [to the Warner Bros.] The Brothers Warner, show biz legends like me shouldn't have to play stooge… to that long-eared, carrot-chomping, overbite-challenged—
Eh, what's up, doc? [to the boardroom members] Hi, Bobby. How's your wife? Great nose job, Chuck. Thanks, goils. Good rug, Mel. Never wouldv'e guessed it. [to Daffy] Eh, pardon me.
The pleasure is mine.
Warner Brothers, I think Daff's right. Maybe I'll take a vacation. [shows the boardroom members his wallet full of photos of his many relatives] Go visit my five hundred and foity-two nieces and nephews.
Mr. Duck, excuse me, I'm sorry. I don't see how we can have a Bugs Bunny movie without Bugs Bunny.
Oh, my. Heavens, no. You can't have a Bugs Bunny movie without Bugs Bunny. And if you don't mind me asking, who's glorified personal assistant are you?
Kate Houghton, Vice President Comedy.
Oh. Right. [Looks down to see his hands on ice]
Kate did Lethal Weapon Babies.
Mr. Warner's Brother: Finally. A Lethal Weapon that I can take my grandchildren to see.
Gentlemen, check your phones. [shows Daffy a green bar graph chart accompanied by Bugs' picture next to it on each boardroom member's phone] Our current research shows that Bugs Bunny is a core asset that appeals to male and female audiences both young and old alike throughout the universe, [the graph chart switches to a red bar graph chart accompanied by a 2D sprite of Daffy on it, which crashes in the ground as the graph goes down] while your fanbase is limited down to angry fat guys in basements.
Yeah, but... but... [to the boardroom members] Aw, come on, fellas! I'm thrice the entertainer the rabbit is!
Get out of the way! Watch out!
Well, what do you know? I've found Nemo.
Oops!
Your father would be so ashamed of you.
But I was... it was...
[the main gate shuts tight behind D.J. as he walks away]
Eh, at first they tell me to lose the stutter. Now they tell me I'm not funny! [sighs] It's a pain in the butt, being p-p-p-politically correct.
You're telling me.
What kind of performance do you call that?! You made me sound like a total space cadet, man!
I'm sorry you feel that way. I was just trying to be real to your character.
If you, like, goof on me in the sequel, I'm coming after you!
Yeah! And I'll give you a Scooby Sna-AAAAAARRRRLLL!
There are a few areas of the script I think we need to address. There's no heart, no cooperation, nobody learns anything...
Daffy learns not to stick his head in a jet engine.
He's gone.
No, Daffy always comes back. I just tell him how much I need him. We hug, we cry, I drop somethin' heavy on him, I laugh.
The duck is history, okay? [calms down, as Ralph attempts to eat a sheep with a fork, but Sam stops him] So, the question is, how can we help you reposition your brand identity? Answer, we'll team you up with a hot female co-star.
Usually, [spins around and dresses up in a woman's dress, wig, and makeup, and then speaks in a falsetto voice] I play the female love interest.
Hello, my baby. Hello, my honey. Hello, my ragtime gal.
Okay, about the cross-dressing thing. In the past, funny. Today, disturbing.
Listen, lady, if you don't find a rabbit wearing lipstick amusing, you and I have nothin' to say to each other.
Look, I'm trying to be nice, but I was brought in to leverage your synergy! And I'm not going to let you, or some wacky duck...
Daffy.
Wacky, daffy, nutty, fruit cake, crispy over rice, it doesn't matter!
Well, these matter. [gets out his eight Award statuettes from underneath the table, and then puts them on the top of the table] And this. [gets out his Hollywood Walk of Fame tile with his name on it from underneath the table, and then puts it on the top of the table next to the Award statuettes] And they say we get Daffy back. [to his Award statuettes] Right, boys?
Bugs's Award statuettes: [in unison] We want Daffy! We want Daffy! Bring him Back! We love Daffy!
[a very disappointed Kate receives a smile from Bugs]
See, I told you this wouldn’t work without— [Elmer shoots Bugs]
Oh! Oh pain! Oh agony!
[Kate sighs with an embarrassed smile as the Warner Bros. look at her calming but in disgust] Mr. Warner's Brother: You're fired.
What?! [Kate stands up from her seat and looks at the Warner Bros., with Bugs (no longer hurt or all bandaged up) pretending to be the third Warner Brother] You can't fire me. My films have made 950 million dollars!
That's not a billion.
Mr. Warner's Brother: Nope. Not a billion.
Okay, I think we can all agree that the decision of firing the duck was a bad one. But it's time to move on. And by move on, I mean reverse course and get Daffy back.
By Monday.
I'll have Daffy back by Monday.
Eh, that went well. Listen, dollface, if I know Daffy, he's already hit the road by now.
: Doesn’t anyone knock anymore?
: Why are you torturing me? What have I ever done that... [before she can say anything, she sees posters of Damien Drake and a picture of both him and his son, D.J., in front of the Warner Bros. Studio and she quickly gets her answer] Great. I just fired the son of our biggest star. This has been a career making day, Kate. First you get rid of the Duck everybody hates, but then, of course, they all want him back. [Bugs appears in a knight’s armor with a sly, arrogant and narrow look and smiles upon her confession of her wrongdoings and saying that he was right from the start about the bad decision she made and should’ve kept Daffy before she begins to tears up] And worst of all, you get into a big fight with Bugs Bunny… [these words soon cause Bugs to turn surprised and wonders with thought] who you revere, and who you've tried to model your life after.
Oh, I hate to see a grown man cry! [acts sarcastic to audience] Especially when it's a girl. Listen, toots. Would it stop the waterworks if I told you Daffy was going to Las Vegas with that guy DJ?
It might.
Well, then. How's about we travel in style in this?
[cut to garage doors opening as the two get seated in the spy car Tuscan]
You’ve got no music in your soul, sister.
I am aware of that, yes.
He sure went for all the extras. What a maroon.
Don't touch anything. This is Damien Drake's car—
[before she could finish, Bugs presses a button with a bomb, causing a missile to launch out of the rear and blows up around a valley area]
I'm telling ya, Daffy, I heard the Warner brothers say you were their best duck.
Flattered though I may be, flattened I will not, in order for you to get all the laughs. It's all, "hoo-hoo, yuk-yuk," and then, "bam, wham, BLAM!"
And your tail is on fire.
Exactly my point. The—
No, really. Your tail's on fire.
Daff, you're accident-prone.
What am I talking to you for? All you have to do is munch on a carrot, and people love you.
You tricked me!
Eh, what's up, Darth?
Now I must incapacitate you with my bubble gun. [shoots once]
Aww, ain't that cu— [touches bubble, which bursts, sending him flying back] Yikes! [he lands on the satellite] Of course, you realize this means war. [draws a plasma sword akin to a lightsaber from Star Wars to fight Marvin]
Thwarting evil makes me so angry.
Well, that takes care of that. [quickly on cue after he said it, he is grabbed by the claw] Yipe!
Well Daffy, you achieved your goal of being a hero.
Yup. But you didn’t achieve your goal of getting me back in your stupid movie! Ah-HA!
Cut. Print. That's a wrap.
Remind me to get a new agent, will you?
Bugs's Butler: Bugs is here. Gotta go.
Daffy, you're right.
The usual place, Mr. Bunny?
Very good, Ryan.
From now on, you and I are going to be equal partners in this thing. No more second banana for you.
Well, thanks, pal. I really appreciate this. [the car drives away from him] At last, my star is rising. All my hopes and aspirations... [a giant light appears falling into the floor] Well, what do you know? My luck is changing already.
Goodnight, Porky. See you tomorrow.
Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-Th... Go home, folks.
[the lights went out]
